Flashgord says:

 

 

 

If you look at Ralph's natal Chart, (check out his Leo M/C), the impetus of the very soul of the man, that propelled him into this lifetime.........

(accdg.to Cayce and I agree, after reading the very ancient Hermes Tritune which I've posted here on the "Off Topic" or "Astrology Tools" Sections., as well as Ptolemy's recordation of the importance of the M/C and the Soul's entrance.

.////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

NOW, I'm relating to you, how I was at your age and how Ralph was at your age.

 

For HIM. (here's his chart): POST 31 is the chart......

 

 

This stellium of planets in the house ruled by Leo, is more then just what meets the eye.

He TOO, as a child, felt as you did Paul, with his mother pointing out "his acne, making him feel "less then"....as well they were okay people but didn't exactly help his self esteem by favoring the older daughter to the exclusion of Ralph............

 

NOW, the way this worked in his psyche, is his girlfriends, dates, etc. had to be "Really Special" in their "Looks".........meaning quite beautiful, or he wasn't interested.

We ALL use a mirror to reflect back to ourselves, what our traits, our needs, our desires are, and sometimes, until we are more integrated and self-analytical (as you are presently being).........it takes time and pain from "What is received BACK to you from this mirror effect" or your reality.

 

So, by choosing people to date who "fit his description" of what is truly beautiful, so to feel better about himself, he actually did as Tim suggested, "Shoot himself in the foot" everytime.

 

These people may have had exterior "looks", to help him augment his own self-reliance upon such things, as well as bolstering his self image (Leo), because of his perceived lack of these things as a child, BUT at a great cost.

 

When I met him, in a bar, at age 24, and while waiting for the pool table to open, I sat next to a guy (age 23), that had essentially decided within himself, to NEVER EVER speak to a girl first again...........he was so turned off by the behavior of those he had dated or liked.,as they turned out to be rather phoney & users.

 

NOW, my first question to him, while sitting there was, "OKay, what's your Sign?"

 

LOL.................and I remind you, this was 1971 and not "All the rage" back then.

After just digesting Linda Goodman's "Sun Signs"...........a new book then.,that a guy in the band gave me (I was dating another person when I met Ralph).............and he played music in this bar.

 

He was startled by the question, and said then & there, he "felt", that by his implicit promise to himself, NEVER to approach a woman, that this was a "Sign", (invariably, a real Libran type , with Venus in Libra too.)..........a sign from above, lol.

 

Well the rest is history.....35 years now, and more in love then even that infamous day.

 

BUT What did he have to do to find happiness??

He needed to be hurt enough, to re-assess his own "vision", and reflecting mirror to see, that even though (under prior circumstances, ) I may not have "fit the bill", now after all his own pain & bad experiences, I fit rather nicely, as a "Real person", and not just a mirror image of him.,for him.

 

He (in other words), is very very goodlooking, a typical Libra Sun, and I'm rather plain by comparison....(darker, then he), shorter with short legs., etc. 5 feet tall, and he's, 6 Feet, robin egg blue eyes, a real looker.

 

How did I snag such a guy?..................LOL

 

It's easy, I was "nice".............and that's all it took.

 

 

So, you see when we "use" others as a reflecting mirror for our own insecurities, we do as Tim said, "shoot ourselves in the foot".

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

you know, i thought alot recently about my ex and her role in this whole thing ,it was through talking to a friend and him suggesting she is insecure that got me thinking this through.she has issues about her appearance,ive often been puzzled as to why because i always thought she was stunning,but she needed reassurance that she looked good, she needed to know she was appealing and attractive. this was back when i didnt know much about astrology or psychology so when we split i didnt really know why we did. but it was probably cos we are both insecure and we couldnt give each other what we needed. 

 

my friend whos a virgo sun gem moon also suggested that one reason things have worked well with his girlfriend and now soon to be wife ,is due to the fact that there is more of a balance between them in the relationship, he said that people who are insecure need someone who isnt for a relationship to work. maybe i should be more carefull about who i fall in love with? like you are both suggesting i should stop looking for that mirror. 

hi oniero

 

thanks,i reckon thats my personality, the affectionate fun venus and sun being confused and held back by saturn, neptune and the intensity being amped up with mars joining in.ive also got that pluto square which intensifies my thought process so maybe i blow these problems even further out of proportion and cause more damage to myself by intensly dwelling on negative thoughts of self doubt? 

 

i doubt myself constantly,am i good enough to do this? ,will i perform ok at that? i felt like i was always being told i cant do things when i was young ,so im always assessing myself to see whether im capable and quite often i'll talk myself out of something before ive even started it.

 

you know the part where you described meeting friends is very much like me,i dont persue people but simply if someone is interested in me then i just let things happen,in a way it also goes back to fear, sometimes i think i will feel like the odd person in the crowd since i have such wide interests,literally from one end of the spectrum to the other,i could be talking about drum n bass music to one person one minute and then talking to someone else later about science and astrology. and 90% of the time if i put those 2 different people together they would not get along atall! so it feels like certain people wont understand a particular side of me.infact i had another identity crisis a while back when i thought about it all a little more deeply, i thought "how can i have both interests? am i two different people? is it possible to be 2 different people? am i being self deceptive again and a part of me is the real me while the other part ive deceived myself into beleiving is me too?" quite deep questions and the outcome was that a start would be to change my appearance in some way to show certain parts of my personality.i know its vain to suggest people will think differently of me if change my appearance to suit,but i would be doing it for me,so i feel more confident about showing who i am?

 

i do alot for other people,my friends.infact in always going out of my way for them,most of them have taken advantage of this in one way or another,even if its only a small thing.back when i was younger,(13-15 yrs) i fell into the wrong crowd and some of my so-called friends really broke my faith in people,i dont think ive ever been the same since.over the last 10 years my friendships have changed ,but i still occassionaly fall into the trap of not having people there that i really need,like you mentioned,in my true hours of need people can never help me as the support can never be offered.

i noticed uranus has been hovering over my 11th house cusp so maybe some new friends or groups of friends will be the outcome of that particular transit? 

 

im hoping what you say about my creativity comes true ,i have nearly finished writing an album, music/art is where i channel all that 5th house energy when i feel hopeless in romance.ive just got to get all the finishing touches done and i'll then be able to send off cds to labels.perhaps this will help with my confidence? and perhaps that is the key?... confidence in myself.

 

its gonna be tough but im determined im gonna do something about this,theres been so much going on in the heavens last few years in relation to my chart its making it impossible to ignore,i mentioned it in an earlier post before about the galactic

centre and how hades is at 25 degrees gemini opposite pluto moving through the late degrees of gemini,hades being the asteroid ruling disintergration? aswell as transitting saturn on my north node trining my birth neptune and squaring birth uranus,ive also had transitting neptune going over my midheaven and now trining natal pluto

 

alot of questons and alot of thoughts all focused on change

but is it all to do with confidence? or should i be looking at self help in the form of how to conquer fear? maybe like deb says it could be spiritual connection i need to make,perhaps something as simple as meditation? maybe a relationship with a very significant person will be the instigator,where i lay myself open with the right person to regain that trust in the universe i so severly lack?

 

I am probably the last person to ask for advice about relationships so I am hoping that your question was mostly rhetorical! It would be excellent if you could find a person that makes you feel secure and gives you the chance for your confidence to grow but then you stand the danger of waiting to idealising someone who doesn't deserve it. Maybe your 7H Neptune leads to a victim-saviour complex sometimes?

 

I think most people require some fine tuning as they go - people who've gone straight into long-term relationships when they were young, especially girls who bounce straight from one man to another always seem such bland types, as if they were so uncomplicated because there was nothing particularly exceptional about them in any way, maybe that's the curse of complexity?

 

Perhaps you have a little trouble finding people you really click with as your chart is so "masculine", aside from your planets being below the horizon your Asc, Sun and Moon are all fire and air, by house association your planets are mostly fire and air too. I've checked the charts of my circle of friends to check the "birds of a feather flocking together" theory. I am the other extreme (3 "feminine" placements), though the extremism may be somewhat alleviated by house positions - with only a couple of exceptions all of my friends have always been "feminine" heavy, never more than the ratio of 2:1 (the 2 exceptions are 1:2, frequently annoy me and I don't intend making any plans with them for a while if ever again).

You probably gravitate towards those that are more "masculine" heavy like yourself (don't forget that mirror just yet) and therefore more outgoing. Since most people are a mixture (those bland people?) perhaps it's harder for you to really find someone that fits your bill which could also be why you're so willing to try to keep them. Then again someone so like yourself wouldn't lead to much of a stability factor between you both so perhaps a few differences here and there in temprement, like your friend suggested, is a vital factor.

 

i think this is something along the lines of what i should do more oniero:

 

where you mentioned along the lines of going over your group of friends often to sift out the problems there.

i think more than often i need to re-asess my circle. i dunno if i mentioned it in this thread but i would say 90+ percent of the people i know have wanted to get to know me,and its not been a case of me approaching them.

 

i think when i do meet people i want to get along with and would be more comfortable around,i act too slow and im way too distant and reserved. i think that i'll somehow f*** things up so i hesitate even approaching them or being close friends.

 

so its a situation where i have to try and break ties with people that are perhaps hindering my growth,but trust enough in myself so i can make new contacts.out of the 2 ,its the second part thats the most difficult,because of my low confidence.

 

well i have that saturn transit to my natal jupiter coming up and transitting jupiter going over my dc making all manner of aspects so it will probably be an interesting time ahead

it's fine to post the link for the web site here as well  oneiro........it's  not like the place is filling up to capacity or anything!

 

Well I tried to be cryptic and put in enough for a search engine anyway, figured our Flash would get it

 

The address of the site I was talking about is www.meetup.com though I am sure there are similar ones out there. There are some paranormal research groups on there that look interesting but nothing near me alas!

hi oniero,

thanks ,il check that out, i didnt guess it though  lol.

 

my health's been on and off, but im on the mend and getting better. im gonna start changing my diet again,i did this a few years back and it improved so many areas of my life.

 

its funny you should mention social websites, someone i know introduced me to a social network and i signed up to that ,i kind of wondered why i did afterwards though? and theres a part of me that thinks perhaps i shouldnt have done? i could only find half of the people i know on there since i often only know people by their first names unless i know them very well,and really like we've been saying ,i should be re-assesing my circle,but now it feels like im reinforcing it! me being too passive again.

 

 

yea the first album i did proved to be a little frustrating.i look back on it now and there is stuff im really not happy with ,this is the thing with being so gemini.i went into that album from somewhere completly different,totally different style. the eqing and leveling for the other sound i was doing was totally different to what i went onto.so i perhaps applied too much of my previous knowledge to that current project.its very difficult to get that professional sound when i am more of a jack of all trades ,master of none,because i want the master sound! i just want to be able to make that master sound in all areas i work in ,which is tough.i have that problem of being interested in so many things and not being able to pay attention to one area so i often miss things that are important.

 

i have some more material being released (fingers crossed!) in dec ,which is on a free netlabel.the first album was supposed to be released on a label my friend is starting up but whether he'll actually get it going and whether im really happy enough with it to put it out is another matter!

 

i did want to start up a night again in brighton as i figured it would be a good idea to branch out and get the ball rolling again.also i thought it would be good for what you mentioned ,changing social circles,since im forever hanging out at a bar which is filled with down and outs.i made the contacts and found a new spot where i could get things moving again except it was the case where all the people i knew didnt want to go ahead with it,they were concerned with the distance and wanted to instead stay at a place which offered no opportunies and no exposure,because it was near and involved little effort.

 

so 5th house creativity has been a little frustrating.it would make me happy if i could perfect it and this area in general,but perfection is never acheived,i should make it a habit to keep telling myself this!

you know you mentioned the first house and fine tuning that,  you may be onto something there,

maybe i should try and improve my appearance ,afterall this is one area that i dont have to depend on others ,literally its all on me to initiate any re-forms.

i always seem to come up against problems with co-operating with others maybe because of my choice of those who i associate with is always wrong.maybe metaphoricly speaking im picking a screwdriver to hammer in a nail?

 

I take it that by "social websites" you mean Facebook, I let someone talk me into that too, I have heard from a few people I went to university with etc waaaaaay back so it hasn't been a complete waste of time but it's highly over-rated. It is quite funny though how many people want to add me as a "friend" even though we never spoke before and aren't ever likely to start to! A whole new set of etiquette dilemmas right there...

 

i have some more material being released (fingers crossed!) in dec ,which is on a free netlabel.the first album was supposed to be released on a label my friend is starting up but whether he'll actually get it going and whether im really happy enough with it to put it out is another matter!

 

Good luck for your album release! I've a work colleague - (coincidentally another Gemini) - who'se got a passion for drum n' bass, perhaps I'll tell him to check it out (and I can look as though I have an idea of what's going on in the world!)

 

As for differing styles, surely that's not a bad thing to be able to diversify. So many bands seem to be releasing almost exactly the same song over and over and everything is so samey, surely there is more durability for an artist who isn't afraid to change occasionally. This reminds me of one of my favourite artists - Mike Patton from Faith No More, if you've heard of him. Most of the stuff he does is phenomenal, some is just plain strange but he is legendary for his versatility and even if every listener doesn't like everything he has done there is more likelihood of more people liking something. A lot of Gemini's create alter ego's to express different facets or styles, maybe you could treat your musical releases that way?

hey oniero

thanks im not too sure if the first album will actually get anywhere and if it does get released whether it will do too well ,this is because the guy i know who wants to release it is a little out of touch with peoples spending habits (he put a promo album out of all our material and was selling it for an extortionate price) because of this hardly anyone bought it.not only that but i think i need to rewrite some of the bass off the first lp.im geting some new studio equipment soon so hopefully ill be able to hear a difference and my production will make an improvement.

 

mike patton,yea i liked the album's introduce yourself and the real thing,i remember chinese arithmatic being a particular favorite,i liked the way the keyboards woked with the rest of the music in that track,it gave it an almost atmospheric quality. its good to hear musicians that are versatile and i try to do the same.

 

on the subject of facebook, well i quit the website the other week, i liked it at first but after a while i decided maybe it wasnt for me.couple of reasons ,i had figured perhaps alot of my contacts were actually hanger on's. although one of the main reasons was that i have been getting abit depressed over the whole friends and social situations issues.

 

just after leaving facebook i spoke to a few people via email and they suggested what other people have said in the past and that is that i could be suffering from some sort of anxiety disorder ,so i did a little research on the web and i think i may actually have some form of social anxiety.

i looked up some of the symptoms and also watched some vids on youtube of people with the problem and i spotted some similarities with my behaviour.its atleast put my mind at rest a little as for so long i couldnt really figure out whats wrong with me.

Hi Paul,

 

oh dear, anxiety disorders are no easy cross to bear.

 

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply to this, my computer was displeased with my previous attempts, (seems it works best when mercury is retrograde and everything else breaks, so I am going to make 1 more attempt), I was not ignoring you.

 

As for being depressed about various things I believe that the medication for anxiety is anti-depressants as it in itself can be due to a lack of serotonin, so working on one can improve the other, perhaps you should have a word with your doctor if you haven't already. There are more natural ways to try to boost yourself rather than just taking medication too. A friend of mine was actually told to take up yoga by her doctor once, I think that's quite cool of her doctor to not just throw pills at her but to make that suggestion.

 

Chinese Arithmetic is a great song, you inspired me to go and listen to my old FNM albums straight away when I read your message.

 

Hope things have improved a bit since your last post

Hi oniero,

 

thanks,things have improved a little more as i know abit more about it, knowing more about the disorder can help me get to try and find a way to cope with it better.

it makes alot of sense as i seem to get incredibly anxious and worried when im in some busy public places,i havnt been to the cinema for years because of it,the last time i went was about 10 years ago with a friend who had a stellium of personal planets in leo,i guess subconsciously i must have figured that all the attention would be on him and not me so id be ok.

 

its probably been one of the main reasons ive been so unsucessfull with work aswell,i often get overly nervous with the group situations.somtimes ive left jobs purley because of the situations i was in.

 

in terms of stats i found out its the most common type of anxiety, affecting about 8% of the population but apparently its one of the least researched disorders in mental health.

 

your right ,my doctor said there is often a connection with anxeity and depression quite often one goes hand in hand with the other.for me it tend to be triggered either way,so i could be having negative feelings about myself which would make me depressed then i would feel even more inhibited to spend time with others.also what sometimes happens is that im feeling ok in terms of depression so i go out to spend time with others but the anxiety kicks in and i get so self conscious that when ive left the situation i feel really depressed.

i have some councelling sceduelled for next year so that might help me.i didnt go before because i just felt too nervous about it. 

 

the doc said that there is no permanent cure for the disorder but there are ways to cope with it better,the drugs that can help can have mixed results ,some loose their potency after prolonged use and are rendered useless for a period of time ,others have a slightly more subtle effect but have some horrible side effects.im not really sure if i want to go down the route of medication,but i might have to consider it if nothing else seems to work. i will probably try something like yoga,i need to get myself in better shape though.