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Not sure what happened to my old journal....as long as it has been its probably gone..Right before Christmas my aunt got sick...she ended up in the hospital...she was full of infection...something about bird droppings on a snowblower and her son put it on the front porch. She was taking so many meds her immune system was nonexistant. She kept going down hill from there...mid January she passed away. She was only 54. I had surgery on January 24 for my rotator cuff for repair. there was a tear and a few areas that needed cleaned up and some spurs...I must say it was by far the most painful recovery I have had. I am still in a sling...I go on Monday to see what the surgen has to say. While on medical leave from work my divorce finally got finalized. An extra 3 months since the ex's lawyer was so on it (NOT!) For some reason he got to have Feb. off from having to pay child support. I finally started to get child support this month,. The ex he still hasn't heard from his lawyer to tell him about payments and where to send them. I let him read my forms I got in the mail. My ex he was there for me for surgery...can't say that my family was there as they wern't. I still am waiting for my brother to ask me how I am doing...he lives 30 minutes away from me. I have been at my apartment since Oct. they still haven't been there...my mom went to my surgery out of guilt...my daughter went to get away from her at the time room mate. her roommate didn't want a roommate she wanted a servant. My daughter couldn't do anything with out asking...the roommate threw her stuff outside in middle of Jan. while my daughter was recovering from pnenomia. My son came down with influenza so I was alone for most of Jan. I started therapy but had to dress myself and put on my shoes on by myself..that is pretty hard doing it as painful as I was being...I got a eye opener...I sure can't count on my family to be there for me for nothing...I am so disappointed it brought my depression full in my face I am on meds yes but it sure hurts how much I can count on them to be there. I had a appointment with the surgeon the same day as my brother same place only my appointment was 45 minutes earlier. Do you think he would take me?? no, my mom she dosesnt drive in the city not that she could but wont...so I asked my brother in law he ended up taking me down and when I got done with my appointment guess who was there my brother...I walked out without talking to him... |
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My daughter and her drama, well I am not sure how to go about it...I want to be there for her and yet I want her to learn. She is still going to school through the local community college to basically to get her GED but since it is through the High School it will still be a diploma. It shouldn't be taking her this long...she would have gratuated last year if she would have stuck with it. She needs to be getting a job...I can only tell her so many times with out sounding like I am nagging but I guess according to her I am already. What has shocked me this new year is I sent my dad a Christmas card and told him I thought my son is missing out on having him in his life. My son is at the age (13) where he wants to learn how to hunt, his dad didn't hunt or anything. To my surprise my dad replied by calling me up,. I am not sure why I sent the card to him...I told him I am now divorced and living in Vinton. Maybe it is divine intervention or something I am still surprised. Well my son has been going to see grandpa after they got together and met for the first time at the end of Jan. Grandpa is also teaching him archery. Well Aaron ( my son ) has shot in a tounament for the first time after only picking up the bow 2 times before and got first place in beginners. He then shot at another one 3d targets and he got first place there as well. My dad and his wife were inducted into the archery hall of fame in 2001. I am planning on going and see Aaron shoot this weekend, there is a benefit for a little boy to raise money for him. It will be the first time in 15 years since I had seen my dad, he got mad at me when I wanted him and my step-dad to walk me down the isle when I got married. He stopped talking to me and now he says he is changed and dosen't have the temper that us kids had grown up to. He was abusive to my brother and us as we grew up. My mom was worse on me than dad though but it could because of the age as well. my parents divorced when I was 7 years old. Lets just say if my parents disaplined us now days like they did back then they would have been thrown in jail for a few years. Anyway I did take back my maiden name because my ex-husband hurt me too much to want to keep using his name. |
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Studying studying studying....I have been doing that a lot lately...I am trying to learn the tarot I have a few decks I am studying...I am getting it though...:) I have quite the library now...I am going to have to get a another book case for all of the books I have now...I have been using my time alone for studying my cards, psychic development, alternative healing, and keeping up on my Wicca reading. there are times when there dosen't seem to be enough hours in the day to do it all. I am so thirsty for knowledge I wish there were some workshops or classes I can go to around home...The ex still comes and visits a lot and always wanting to turn back the hands of time...even though he still has his girlfriend with him,,,I feel its more guilt than anything. not much else to talk about, I am still recoverying from surgery on my shoulder and still going to therapy...it hurts still...but things are looking up...it could be another 2 months before I don't have the pain...I wish I could sleep and not be woken up from moving it wrong or laying on it or something...what a process....my co-workers missed me but I feel my boss missed me even more....with her asking me for my input...makes me like my job a little more... Love and Light willow |
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Head games is now in play...its the only thing I can think of why my ex is doing what he's doing...first he buys a new car after we divorced...he told me he would never buy new when we were married yet he did...not only did he buy a new car so did his girl friend. Same make and model. For Easter he gives the kids their Easter gifts and gives me a bag with a gift and a card in it. I asked him why and he said because he wanted to. he signed the card love Al. I was surprised, today at work he calls me and asked me if I had been in the shed. I said no I have no reason to be, why? there was a metal tub missing..how big? he said it was fairly large..large enough to plant flowers in it. That hurt because I had 2 tubs he was to fill for my flowers and he never got around to it and yet she isn't even moved in and now he is finding all kinds to time to do things. When ever I decide to move on he is always calling or coming over. I know he dosen't want me to see anyone...he already told me. I am not going to let it him know it bothers me or he will just keep it up..I know him too well... always trying to dig the pain a little more... I guess he dosesn't know how much he hurt me when he started his little affair, an affair he thought he could sweep under a rug and it will go away....he also didn't know I was this strong to leave him and divorce him...I still have night mares about me and him and the way he treated me...but with time I will heal as time heals everything...or at least not hurt as much.... Love and Light willow |
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Last night I had went over to the ex's place to pick up some of the flowers that I had planted, I had told him I wanted all of my flowers I had bought and planted from over the years....15 years is a long time to be having flowers and I added every year. I took them over to my sisters place to plant until I can get a place of my own either in town or in the country...I grew up in the country and would love to go back and live...hopefully someday....the ex had done some things with his new girlfriend to the landscape...for years I tried to get him to come out and help me...I told him it hurt me to see what he kept putting off for the last several years and see that he is helping her with the landscaping, well at least it wont be with my flowers she can buy her own. I cried last night when I was there missing my flowers, my pets that I can't have at my place now, I couldn't help it...its hard...then seeing what he has been doing for her well that really hurt, he's like don't be getting all mad about things and I said I wasn't then the tears started to fall and I said put yourself in my place and see how you would fare...That was my favorite past time to go out and work in the flower beds it helped destress my life. I dug and planted over at my sisters place...she is keeping them there until I can get a place of my own...then I get them back but she will have some as well... I have to get a part time job as the divorce really put a strain on me financially so I applied for part time nights at where my sister works at a convienience store. 3-4 nights a week for 5 hours a night shouldn't be so bad....plus my boss at my full time job said I can do over time this next week....yeah I will do that as well as I really need the money...I know I may have the chance of burning out but that is why I didn't put weekends down to work I will need to recharge my battery to go through the following week. Thanks for letting get some things off of my chest.... Love and Light willow |
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With every beat of my heart I can feel the pain of heartbreak.....Since this past weekend that is how I feel...how I wish I knew what was going on with Mike...I told him I would date him...not sure whats up with it....he's been quiet all weekend.... Love and Light willow |
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