Seeing Myself for the First Time
On this star filled night I gaze out of my bedroom window at the fullness of the moon. My thoughts echoing in my mind and drifting out to meet the stars. Is God alone? was God created? what if this is just a dream? but if its a dream then it does exist, but how?.
Once again pondering questions that might never be answered, with the reflection of the stars still imprented in my eyes I gently fall back into the warmth of my waterbed. Laying still and quiet not even hearing my breath I submerge myself in the love that I feel for God. As the love I feel grows inside of my chest it begins to warm me. The deeper I feel it the warmer my body becomes. Until the feeling of love begins to surround my body like a field of dense energy. In my thoughts I ask God to surround me with his love and hold me as I sleep, and as I do I feel God settle around me. All I can think about is how words could never express how incredible it is to know and love God this deeply. Though my body is experiencing intense sensations my mind is deeply submerged in love. Colors begin to swoon around my entire body and I loose the sense of heaviness, its as if the energy is growing and pushing me up off of my bed... floating in the stillness without moving. The colors that surround me are God and the deep feeling of love that once ran thoughout my entire being is now absorbed into the love surrounding me. I feel it so intensly that my body cant handle the pureness of this and my eyes water from it. Although I feel lifted up I am not outside of myself... instead I am deep within myself. I feel the sensation of the love energy and then I all at once become the love energy. I can see .... but all that I see is love without form but with overwhelmingly intense expression. I realize I am within God, God that is within me. But I'm not within nor am I a part of God instead I see its all one in the same. I realize that am this feeling, it does not surround me, it doesnt exist within me it just exists. I dont even exist, there is no me ... its all God. I have so many questions and as quickly as that thought comes to me I realize in this feeling there are no questions ..... there are no answers. It is simply a "knowing".
As my experience ends I find myself outside amongst the shadows, its a familiar place but as though its viewed thru eyes unfamiliar with it. I am outside, just outside of my bedroom. There is more here than was ever here before, yet it lacks color. At that moment I experience fear with the prensence of the shadows and in that one single thought I find myself sitting straight up in my bed hearing the end of a gasp. I reach up to touch my face and my finger feels the wetness of a tear.
I was very religiouse at this time in my life. After this experience happend to me I was so anxiouse to talk to someone else that had been there. I promtly went to church to ask the people I considered very spiritual if it had happend to them. They treated me like I had gone insane and patted me on the head and smiled. It absolutly killed me. But what can you expect when you tell someone that you 'Saw God'.
This place, and all of you ... YOU are the people that I only dreamed about meeting one day. I had hoped that I could find just 1 person that might possibly understand, or even be open to the thought of experiences like this one. Here I am writing about how thankful I am to Spirit and realizing how thankful I am for all of you.
Blessings
Intense Female
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