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I want to thank everyone who decided to put the shelter in as part of The Wakan Circle. I just saw it today, and I came in and read what has been put upon some of our brothers and sisters. I want to thank you all for the courage you have shown in sharing what has happened to you. As a victim of abuse myself, I can say that at times I have felt totally alone in this. However, I think that knowing that you are not alone helps in many ways. You are not some beast hiding in a dark corner somewhere. You are a human being, and someone who deserves respect and honesty. Above all, whatever was done to you IS NOT your fault. I have a brother who decided to get drunk one night and take it out on me sexually. I was only 6 years old, and he is 8 years older than me. Unfortunately, this abuse did not stop for a really long time, until I was in my teens. Not only was his abuse sexual in nature, it was also mental and physical. There is one time in particular that I remember because I almost died. He suffocated me with a pillow until I passed out. All I remember was blackness, absolute nothingness. Several hours passed before my mom found me because she thought all the kids had been playing outside. He remained in absolute control because he threatened me with death, all the time. "If you tell anyone I will kill you." I told my mom I had fallen asleep in his room. But, I finally was able to get him to stop when he came home one night, on leave from the military. It was the dead of night and he thought I was asleep. He tried getting into my under wear, but I abruptly woke up, put my hand around his wrist and said, "Please, please, please, leave me alone. I am not begging you. I am telling you. I am no longer your play thing. I am going to tell mom and dad." He begged me not to say anything but I did, too late. I had just turned 21, and by then years had passed and at that time, no one believed me. Just before my dad passed away, he asked me to tell him what happened. Not because he was kinky or anything, it was something he wanted to know before he died. I told him everything. Even though my dad had luekemia and was going through chemo, in pain going through blood and platelette transfusions, and having all kinds of tests, he said, "This hurts me more than anything." My brother is still a very sadistic person and treats those who care about him like trash. I stay away from him as much as possible because to this day if something goes wrong in his life, he will find someway to pin it on me. My mom believes me now, and I say a prayer every time he is around my 2 year old twin niece and nephew. Monalisa ~ Spirited She Wolf |
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Thank you for your reply Jacquie. You are right, Creator is always there,always listening. Sometimes I think it was easier to get into recovery for drinking than to get help for abuse issues.But I know as long as I depend on Creator and ask for His help and guidance He will never let me down. Hugs and blessings,Cheri |
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| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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I have a question, and I guess this is the place I am most likely to get an honest, helpful answer...
I just wanted to know if being pressured into doing things I am uncomfortable with counts as abuse... It is not like I am being forced to do things, but it is like, he is telling me over and over I want to do things for him, when I know I don't. I'm not really sure if that comes under abuse but I thought this was the best place to ask..
Thank you for providing this place for us all to talk and help people, and thank you for being here to listen. =]
Moon Bless,
Kenaz. |
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Hi Emotional... what you are describing definitely IS abuse. No one should pressure another to do something they are uncomfortable with. Telling someone to do something over and over IS forcing them to do what they want. It's all a part of control...whether they are asking for sexual things, or to take drugs, or for you to take care of their responsibilities for them. This is all abuse. If you are being asked for sex or drugs, your first priority is your safety. But you should also ask someone for help.....a relative, a trusted teacher, a friend's parents, a guidance counsellor...many people would help you. I will keep you in my prayers and ask the Creator to help you. Know that we are here for you...anytime. Love and hugs, Cheri |
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Hi Cheri
Thank you for your reply and your prayers. They mean a lot to me.
Much love and Moon bless,
Kenaz. |
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| Hello Sister, You are not alone in this. There has been in my life a time I too have been abused before my teens. Not by family, but by the landowner of the house we (my parents & I) rented while in B.C. I had been taught to have belief, and trust in the good of people. I no knowledge in matters of how babies are made, and was very ftrightened. I knew instinctively what was happening was not right, but did not have the courage to speak abd tell my mom or dad until my twenties years later. They believed me--explaining that it is not intention of people to want to harm another. That people are really only not well, sick in mind and need themselves much help when they end doing such things. I healed from my parents council, understanding what they told me. I know people in their heart do as best they can, and have forgiven the man and deed from long ago. I have also believe, each one who has experience of such or any life testing, Creator has choosen this path for us as means to learning and growing up straight like a strong standing tree.  | | | |
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Emotional, you must see that he is never allowed to be around a child alone. Do not let anyone put another child at risk. Abusers of this kind normally have dozens of victims, throughout their lifetime, not just one. I have worked in this field for many years. I know what I'm talking about. Please, protect the little ones. |
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I stopped seeing him.. I broke up with him and got myself out of it.. But.. he spend all night at the top of the 7 story car park trying to get the courage to jump.. And no-one else has seen him since..
I don't want to be the reason he kills himself. =S |
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I am so glad that you have gotten away from that one...he is very disturbed and can only bring you down. Yes many prayers on the smoke will be going up for you and all who are in need here. I have lived in abuse...seen a lot and I also taken classes ...but I just ant you to keep ones like this out of your life. Sometimes its not easy as we are drawn by these type people...why? I dont know but we have to learn how and be strong to save ourselves and families...hugs annie |
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I agree with Annie- you should definitely stay away from people like him. For some reason we are drawn to that type of person, I don't know why. And she is right - he is definitely disturbed. Do not accept the guilt he is trying to put on you...another form of control, to try to make you stay with him. Another attempt to make you do what he wants. Stay strong and keep yourself safe. Will continue to keep you in my prayers...love and many hugs, Cheri |
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Same here. I work in a prison and it's manipulative. You don't need a person who will try to manipulate you into doing what they want, no matter what means they use to do that. Write the suicide hotline # and if he bugs you again, give it to him and leave immediately. |
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When I saw this site included in the wakan group, I sighed a huge breathe of relief , joy, sadness. This my family definately understands and I have no doubt I belong. I know the effects of abuse in every way shape and form. I was abused physically and sexually by my stepfather from the age of 9 until I left home at 16. From there it was drugs, alchol, you name it anything to numb the pain. I tried telling my mother , she wouldn't believe me, she felt I was rebellious about my stepfather.....When I left home I threatened him that I would go to the authorities. I told him my 3 younger sisters where not to be touched. I would keep the secret as long as he held up his end. As far as I know his fear of jail saved my sisters. They are all happy women with productive lives. After he died I lost touch with my family, Why? They were safe , they had no idea the sacrifice I made. I would never tarnish their lives with a truth that could hurt. The damage to me was already done. From the age of 16 till I was 38, I had numerous abusive , violent men in my life. I have had so many broken bones in my body I couldn't hope to keep count. At one time I was put in a coma for a week, and they weren't sure I would survive. What changed? Therapy and a S.O.S. shelter. I began to realize I was angry because I never truly got a chance to confront my stepfather or bring him to justice. So in a manner I always chose men, who where confrontational or violent. I had a need to always put myself in an environment where I would always need to fight. Upon that realization I finally put the damage my stepfather had created to rest. I would no longer allow him to ruin the rest of my life, I learned to respect myself, to like me. I also have been through AA and have been sober since April 25th 2004. I found when I started to stand straight and respect myself I no longer needed to drown myself to forget. In remembering I am stronger. I will no longer allow myself to be less than human and always demand respect and dignity from those who know me. I guess what I'm trying to say is, escaping abuse from one source isnt enough. You need to know you are so much more worth what was done and given to you. If you learn to respect yourself , someday you will find a gentle spirit who will respect you as you deserve. From my spirit to yours stay safe and loved Indigo |
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No one can ever be responsible for another's life. If he threatens suicide again, please call the police. They will see that he is evaluated to determine whether the threat is serious or not. It is more common than you may think for abusers to threaten suicide as a means of controlling their victims. Whether it is a serious threat or not, he needs professional halp. My heart goes out to each and every one of you along with so much admiration for your courage to speak out. With 1 out of 3 women and 1 out of 7 men experiencing some form of abuse in their lifetime, this is a problem that needs to be brought to the forefront. I was also in an abusive marriage for many years. My abuser overdosed on a bottle of pills and then sat down with our kids and I to say "good-by". 5 years later he still has accepted no responsibility for the trauma he put us through or acknowledged the pain he caused. There is help to get out of abusive relationships. Please run, don't walk, to pick up the phone and make that call! |
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Thank you for your replies.. He's still asking me over and over to get back with him but I am standing strong as an oak against his pleas. I recognised a lot of people who have been violent whom I have been in a relationship with have the same eye and hair colour as my father, who was violent and who I felt abandoned me when I was 10. He still lives in the same house, he's still married to my mother.. But when he first hurt me, I felt that was abandonment. I wondered if the fact we are drawn to these people could be related to our past. Like.. maybe I try to replace my dad.. and those are things I look for because he was the only male in my immeadiate family and that's how I know men to be? You will all be in my prayers, and thank you for listening.
Moon Bless, Kenaz. |
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Hi Kenaz..I am so glad to hear you are safe and standing strong. When I had this problem, the only way to handle it was to cut all contact, and not even talk to him. Once an abuser "grabs hold" of someone like us, they do not want to let go. They are sick people and want someone to play into their game. Many women are followed until they are hurt badly, or even worse. These people are very sick emotionally and need professional help badly. Please,please,please....continue to keep yourself safe and do not trust him. He has shown himself to be unstable, and we cannot help someone like him ourselves. Only the professionals can do that. If you have told him to leave you alone and he won't....that is harrassment...and against the law. If he won't stay away...go to the police.....they will either put him in jail or force him to get help. If you are too afraid of him to make the call yourself...have someone make a anonymous call to the police. Because of your age they will step in quickly to help you. As for your question about our past affecting us now? My answer would be definitely. There is a saying: " Children learn what they live " and that has certainly been true in my case. When kids grow up in abuse, they think that is the normal way for families to act. And yes it can affect us later on. The abuse we receive will in turn go to our children, then to their children,and their children... unless we do something to stop the cycle. Something that would help you...I'm sure there is a shelter for battered women near you...and they would have a toll free phone number. They are confidential and you don't even have to give your name if you don't want. I'm sure they will tell you the same things we are. Please continue to be safe....and contact the police if you need to.We will continue to keep you in our prayers. Please stay in touch and let us know you are ok. Much love and many hugs, Cheri |
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