 |
Reply
| | From:  Mindmanuk (Original Message) | Sent: 4/27/2004 2:43 PM |
When time is still and it reflects like water Glittering in sunlight Sparkling & enticing. You are there in the space I find like a mirage shimmering in a vague recollection of hope Translucent like mist ethereal like a gossamer spin on a spider's web coated with dew. There is the morning and there is the dawn of my first thought There is dusk and the setting of my last Both are you flickering in the twilight of hope of wishes "Who are you?" and she answered "Unattainable Love" 27/4/2004 |
|
 First
Previous
2-10 of 10
Next
Last
|
Reply
| |
Hi  This is a beautifully descriptive piece, as Zydha says it has a wonderful dreamy feel to it, woven with mystical beauty. Well done. Emma  |
|
Reply
| |
Thank you both for your kind words it had the effect I had hoped to create a dream like ghost just on the edge of reality... Mark |
|
Reply
| |
Whatever you hoped to create, this is the most beautiful love poem. Life for me has been grim recently , I have been ill with stress and reading this was such a tonic! Wonderful words.
I hope you don't mind that I have copied this to AppleWorks and tinkered with the layout - I remember you saying that you were a lazy writer. I just think that poetry of this quality deserves the right layout. Elfstone. |
|
Reply
| |
Thank you everyone.... Im quite moved by the responses, Elfstone Im happy to have an editor! Pleased you like it and I'd love to see the tarted up version. Mark |
|
Reply
| |
It's Friday night and the luxury of having time to read good poetry is wonderful!!
I'm happy to post the 'tinkered-with' version of your poem, but I am ever mindful of the responsibility of working with someone else's poetry. The irony is that I would probably find it difficult to deal with someome altering the layout of my poems! I value honest criticism and suggestions - that's how we improve as writers, but I'm not sure how I would react to someone doing to me the kind of tinkering I have sometimes (with permission) done to others!!!!!
Anyway, taking a deep breath, here's the new layout:
~
When time is still,
Reflecting, like water
Glittering in sunlight,
Sparkling and enticing,
You are there in
The space I find
Like a mirage shimmering
In a vague recollection of hope;
Translucent like mist,
Ethereal like a gossamer spin
On a spider's web
Coated with dew.
There is the morning and
There is the dawn of my first thought.
There is the dusk and
The setting of my last.
Both are you,
Flickering in the twilight
of hope, of wishes
"Who are you?"
and she answered,
"Unattainable Love".
|
|
Reply
| |
| PS - in the middle of that vast and unwieldy thread following on from my poem "Inanimate", which got rather delightfully bogged down in technicalities of colour and so on, you posted a reply to the poem which provoked it all, and I just wanted to say thankyou - your praise is much appreciated! Elfstone. |
|
Reply
| |
I loved all the versions for this thank you. Mark |
|
|
First
Previous
2-10 of 10
Next
Last
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Return to New Poems Pge 1