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Toons&Jokes : Woman's Thoughts On Life
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 Message 1 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname-Mary-10  (Original Message)Sent: 2/7/2003 5:31 PM
                           
A Woman's Thoughts on Life


1.Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
2. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
3. If I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
5. I cleaned my house yesterday, sure wish you could have seen it.
6. This isn't clutter, these are my antiques!
7. If you don't like my attitude, call 1-800-Who Cares.
8. Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!
9. "Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember!
10. Our policy is to always blame the computer.
11. I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
12. Take my advice, I'm not using it!
13. Okay! I love you! Now can we eat?
14. You know you're getting old when you stop to think and forget to start again.
15. Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.
16. I love to give homemade gifts ... umm, which one of the kids would you like?
17. I have a million dollar figure -- but it's all loose change!
18. By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!
19. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
20. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.


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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 2 of 12 in Discussion 
Sent: 5/15/2003 9:53 AM
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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 3 of 12 in Discussion 
Sent: 5/25/2003 4:41 PM
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 Message 4 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JimJimSent: 6/1/2003 7:14 PM

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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 5 of 12 in Discussion 
Sent: 6/2/2003 4:39 AM
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 Message 6 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JimJimSent: 9/26/2003 5:15 PM

Ladies and Real Women

Ladies
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

Real Women
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Ladies
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Ladies
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Ladies
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women
Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Ladies
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the inside of the cake.

Real Women
Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate it for you.

Ladies
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Real Women
Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.

Ladies
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women
Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it.

And finally the most important tip!.....

Ladies
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women
Leftover wine??

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"


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 Message 7 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JimJimSent: 9/29/2003 6:13 AM
youlearn-anim1.gif (6926 bytes) Why Women are the Luckier Sex

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. We never ejaculate prematurely.

4. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

5. When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blowup doll, it's pathetic.

6. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

7. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

8. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

9. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

10. Taxis stop for us.

11. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

12. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

13. Free drinks, free dinners, free moving (you get the point?).
 
14. We can hug our friend without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

15. We know the truth about whether size matters.

16. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

17. If we have sex with someone and don't call the next day, we're not the devil.

18. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.

19. We can sleep our way to the top.

20. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.

21. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

22. No fashion faux pas we make could rival Speedos.

23. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

24. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.

25. We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

26. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

27. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her arse.

28. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

29. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

30. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

31. We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.

32. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

33. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

34. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

35. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

36. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. youlearn-anim1.gif (6926 bytes)

37. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

38. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

youlearn-anim1.gif (6926 bytes)   youlearn-anim1.gif (6926 bytes)   youlearn-anim1.gif (6926 bytes)


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 Message 8 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JimJimSent: 4/20/2004 5:43 PM
I wanted to pounce on the

opportunity to say thank you...


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 Message 9 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JimJimSent: 2/1/2005 5:06 PM

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 Message 10 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JimJimSent: 3/7/2005 1:20 PM

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 Message 11 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JimJimSent: 7/9/2005 2:42 PM
 
Man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
 
Woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKE-UP

Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,

Woman discovered CONVERSATION & invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
 
Woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,

Woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,

Woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,

Woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter man has discovered and
invented a lot of  things......

while women are still STUCK to shopping !

Reply
 Message 12 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JimJimSent: 6/6/2007 9:06 PM

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well....it is finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:


 

 

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be
done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.


A man has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts.

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