 |
|
|
Reply
| |
when i was 14 almost 15 i was raped only a few ppl close to me know and my family dont and never will, but i got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl..... she died one hour later and was taken from me i never really got to see her cos i was too out of it. I found out today from a very good friend of mine that her grave is beautiful and she is so sorry for my loss and she wishes me all the best. I would have loved to of thanked her but i was told from family they didn't know where she was. I was refused entry to my daughters funeral namely cos i was in no state of mind to atten...i.e i tred to kill myself....please dont judge i was 15 and a mess i just lost a kid....but anyways i just found out that my family knows where she is... i Have come over to my mothers and asked her out right where is shannon...she said im sorry hun but after they creamated her i dunno where she is...which firstly is bollocks i refused creamation so that shouldnt of happened, and secondly they should have told me. My mom has refused to tell me probably to protect me but what hurts most is she wont my friends know and my family know but i have never been able to visit her i really want to know what to do but no one can help me i hope you can please i need advice |
|
Reply
| |
Thank you all ever so kindly for your great words |
|
Reply
| | From:  pooks0 | Sent: 9/20/2005 7:28 AM |
Phoebe, it's not often i'm lost for words, but my heart goes out to you & to Rhi & Ms Lushus' Mum. The saddest thing must be to lose a baby & to be denied the chance to grieve whenever you need to is unbearable. Like you say, your Mum & friends are probably worried how it will affect you to go through this, but for you, the pain has never gone away. Do you have a family member you can talk to, explain how you're feeling who will also be there to support you ? Like the others, I wish there was something to help ease your pain & my heart goes out to you. We're all here for you, Phoebs, hugs,Pookie (Kathy.)xx |
|
Reply
| |
I have sat with mom and spoke this out now and she is willing to do everything to help find her. I want to know but in a way i really dont want to go back there. I don't want to go back to where i was when it happened and the night i wrote this i almost did. I almost ruined everything with my girl and I would never forgive myself if I did. I want closure and in a way i guess if I find her then closure will be done but it could go the other way and send me back into complete breakdown. I cant go back there, if anyone can help on this matter it would be greatly appreciated. I thank you all for your kind words and concern it means a lot. |
|
Reply
| |
I have spoken about it i have a close friend that knows it all my partner too she knows and i will never inform the family as it is something i have come to terms with...bringing up the past is just asking for pain again and I hate living in the past. I have never confided this to my family because i dont think it is for them to know i doubt they could handle it. They have been through enough and i dont wish to make them suffer more. If i told them know they would feel regret that i suffered in silence for years. I dont wish for their sympathy nor guilt it is not what i want at all. We have a happy healthy relationship and i want to keep it that way, plus my dad would kill the guy. |
|
Reply
| | | From: Fluffa3 | Sent: 9/21/2005 2:34 PM |
Pheebs Whilst I dont think this is something you ever get over, it is obvious that not knowing where Shannon is buried is still affecting you a hugely. I understand what you say about not wanting to go back to square one but, as your mum is now offering to help you, do you feel that maybe if you knew where she was and you could visit there when you needed to that this would hopefully help you move on in relation to her and that you could say goodbye in the way that you weren't able to 9 years ago hugs xx |
|
Reply
| |
I agree with Fluffa Pheebs, you havent had any sort of closure, take my nans death, we have had the horrible task of collecting her ashes and cleaning her flat out, chucking some of her stuff that nobody wanted and stuff like that, but its all part of saying goodbye, its a part of the natural grieving Process, which you have been denied, I think you need to know where she is buried, you need a place to be able to go and say goodbye properly, you need somewhere to focus your grief on before you can move on, I dont mean forget, I just mean put your memories and grief in a place where it can come out when you want it to ( Am I making any sense, sorry if im not). We all know that your true memories lie in the heart and in your memory, and no Plaque or gravestone can ever replace that, but I think you really need to sit down and have a deep and meaningful with your mum about all your feelings about this Big hugs to you babe  |
|
Reply
| |
| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
|
Reply
| |
"""Shame on him but most of us has een there experienced it and pulled through
mind over matter I say Help yourself by admitting that it was fun and lead
you to where you are today accept it and God will be with you all the way
Why not tell me about the real you no fantacy please and I will be only to
happy to communicate back
Leonie"""" Wow wtf. Guys yes yes i totally get what you are saying, i do tho have a place i go to to grieve and let it out a place which i hold dear to me, but yes its not the same. Maybe one day i will have closure and be able to get it out of my system maybe not. I really just wanted to let it all out that night and i am just amazed at the warm sisterhood you have all shown to me. It is really heartwhelming and really wonderful on all you have done. Thank you all so so much its beautiful.
|
|
Reply
| |
Hugs to you phoebe what a hard situation to have to go through and deal with.I can't really offer advice but I will just say that the deeper you think you have tried to shut away your emotions within yourself as a way to deal with it, it only comes back with even more feeling and pain and when you least expect it. You do need some closure and going back is the only way to do that, but there will be a time when you can deal with it and know you will come through the other side. Wait until that time then get the closure you need. I wish you all the best hugs Sonia |
|
Reply
| |
hi phoebe sorry not seen this thread till now, hope your feeling ok, there's no advice i can add that hasn't already been said, just one thing tho, there is a good chance that finding ur daughters grave will drag up past feelings, just make sure your mentaly strong enough to deal with them, before you go through with this... {{hugs}} |
|
Reply
| |
ya i know jan... i don't think i could cope if it happened, its been 9 years and speaking with my friend that night was like a knife driving into my heart.... it brought back everything and its emotionally draining i would just want to go back t how i was a few weeks ago b4 all this came to light again... i am not as happy as i was then and i really want to be back to normal.
I don't know if my knowing is going to change anything but it is quit possible that it could be the end of me....if that makes any sense |
|
Reply
| |
phoebe, you can get through anything, please believe that! things can remind us, drag up all sorts of horrible feelings and emotions, hurt and upset. but that was 'then', this is 'now'. your a different person, older, stronger! grieve, cry, let the pain out, then push it back into the past and fight for your future. think about talking with someone about it, letting it out that way may help you now. it'll never go away, and you'll never forget, but you will be able to deal with it. i know its hard phoebe, but look at it like this, "can you change what happened? can you fix it? make it better?" no... don't give it you time or energy then... i try and live by this rule, or the past can swamp you.. {{{big hugs}}} and good luck x |
|
Reply
| |
thanks jan wise words duely noted thank you |
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Recommend
First
Recommend
Recommend
Recommend
Recommend
Return to Agony Aunt!
