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| | From: chillyb1972 (Original Message) | Sent: 12/22/2005 2:31 PM |
Well things fast forwarded a bit in last couple of weeks, husband sort of knew i was going to leave when finish uni in may/june but till then no job ect and now know he didnt think me serious, how? well said would get half house each and me to get car now but well got a bit nasty and now says can have half of house when he decides to sell and is going to fight for custody of our son. Even tho i dont want him to try, he hasnt even said 'what have i done wrong, or what can i do'. In his mind this is driven entirely by me and has said all repercussions and hurt from ending marriage are my fault and that is something i have to carry. He is a great friend to son but dreadful father as never disaplines, problem is if i now disapline son, son goes to dad and he tells son just to ignore me so therefore i dont tell him off, also frightened of driving son away. long term know this is not healthy for son. 10 years ago brother commited suicide and was on prozac for 6 months, also am a little emotional at mo as altho want marriage to end its still the end of 17 years and have been with him since 16, scared of being able to cope but really frightened he will say am unstable and take son away, havnt seen solicitor yet, will after xmas and really dont want him to find out about sexuallity or else he will crucify me with it. 99% of time we carry on as if not an issue but if it comes up he is so cold and calulating its not someone i recognise, is also older than me at 47 and feel he is cleverer than me, guess just need ppl to say it gets better and son will survive, i know marriages break up all the time, but guess was in lala land thinking it would be civilived and easy lol, ta for reading xx |
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Hi Chilly thankyou for your support... Your situation is like a lot of marriages when they split up it happens so many times just take your time and move one step at a time I am sure it will eventually get easier I have been there myself it took a long time before I could talk to my ex... The kids gave me a hard time at first because of there dad leaving but it had to happen I still talk to the ex we talk because of the kids only my kids always try to play us against each other still I reckon they always will When the hurt isnt as harsh what you both feel it will become clearer I am sure your son will be with you but its still important he retains contact with his dad just do the best you can in this awkward situation and you will find the support on here to help you cope and be strong in your time of need Take care Hugs to you Susyxxx |
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Hi Chilly, I feel for you situation so much. I have to say I went to see my solicitor a few weeks ago and I felt much better afterwards. In part because of the calm way the guy talked to me about things. He said at one point that most guys don't want custody of children as they know it is a lot of hard work. Although at the mo your husband is saying he will fight you for custody, is it possible he is just saying that cause he is trying to hurt you and he knows that this is the best way ? When reality sets in he may veiw the situation totally differently. I am splitting up with my hubby at the mo too and although I am really happy, it is hard too. I think you know in your own mind it is totally the right thing to do.... but it will take time for things to settle down even although it is me who is making it happen. As far as your son is concerned, somebody asked me a wee while ago "who is the most important person in your kids life ?". If you are happy your son will be happy. For me I think the transition will be the difficult bit, but in time things will get better. I wish you all the best and as susy said, take your time, one day at a time. |
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