Late to it Lesbians.

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I haven’t been on here for quite along time, but really need someone to give me some advice right now. Im really lost and confused. Im female, nearly 20 and in a relationship with another girl.

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I have a really difficult problem and I really don’t know what to do. Ive been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. And I have been deeply in love with her for all that time until now. Im not really sure what has happened. I am confused about a lot of things.

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Our relationship has always been a struggle. We met in the last few months of six form and just after we got together she had to move back to her home town, nearly 300 miles away. We have both put a lot of effort into making it work and the times that we were together it was good. But the times that we are apart, we argue a lot. there is near enough something that happens everyday that will upset one of us.

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We have both had our fair share of problems over the past few years. And we both managed to support each other since we have been together. I have since moved away to university and have been here for about 7 months. I have managed to get away from the majority of my problems and feel a lot better in general. The main thing that gets me down is our relationship. My friends here have even noticed that im down quite a lot and said the reason seems to be my relationship.

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I used to believe that my girlfriend was the one. But in the past few weeks my feelings have changed a lot. I do love and care about her deeply, but I don’t think im in love with her anymore. There seems to be more bad points about her than good.

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She’s down a lot, and things get to her more than they should. She’s really depressed but doesn’t see it. Ive ask her to go and see a counsellor or something, but she hasn’t. She doesn’t see that it will help her and gets really uptight about it. I know it’s a difficult thing to do, but I cant cope with her being like it anymore, it wears me down too much.

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Another thing is that I told my parents about us a few months after we got together. My girlfriend wanted me to. My dad was ok about it but my mum wasn’t. Although she isn’t nasty to me, we never talk about it, its ignored. My relationship doesn’t exist to her. But my girlfriend hasn’t told her parents, even though we’ve been together for 2 years. If I plan months in advance to go and see her, she doesn’t tell her mum and dad until a few days before. She gets really upset and says im pressuring her. there are jus so many things that make me unhappy.

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My feelings have just changed so much in the past few weeks. Ive tried hard to get back to normal, to try and get the good feelings back, but I feel like im kidding myself.

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Im also unsure of my sexuality now too. This is my first relationship. Ive never been with a guy. I feel like im too young to have made this decision. Part of me still wants the traditional life, a mum, dad and kids. But the path that im on doesn’t lead to that. I feel like I could be making a mistake either way. If I leave her, then decided that I am gay and want her back, then ive made a mistake. I have talked to her about this and she says that she probably wouldn’t be able to take me back. And I dont blame her. But if I stay in this relationship then I could be making the mistake of missing out on what I really want.

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To make things even more complicated, she is alone up where she lives. She has a job in a shop but she doesn’t get on socially with the people that she works with. she has no one. I am everything to her. We had planned on her moving down to live with me next year. If I leave her, she has no one. And I really don’t know what to do.

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She has also been suicidal. Said that I am her life and if I leave she cant promise me that she wont die or self harm. I can understand her feeling that, but I feel as though she is being selfish. Part of me feels like I don’t really have decision. If I leave then there is a possibility that she will commit suicide.

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I just really don’t have a clue what to do. If we do split up, I don’t jus want her to vanish out of my life. I still love and care about her. I would want to help her. Maybe encourage her to go to uni or something where she can meet people. I would want us to be friends. But she doesn’t think that can happen either. And I do understand that. I just don’t want her to be alone. I want to still be there for her.

Im sorry for how long this has turned out. Thank you for reading it tho and I hope that someone out there can help me on this one.

You know what sweetie, it has taken me 17 years to realise and accept who i am, so I dont think there is anything wrong with your confusion or being unsure. i dont know you or your partner and so any advice i can give is purely based on your posting.

The first thing is i dont think at the moment this is a healthy relationship, however i dont think either of you would be happy with cutting off all ties. Perhaps you can encourage her to make new friends, has she interests such as sports, hobbies which she can pursue? As you are so far apart, keep in contact with her by messenger and e-mail, however if she has mentioned suicide this is not something you can help her with on her own. My brother ended his life and i wish someone had heard his cry before, however i think it might be useful if you ring someone like the samaritans as they can give you better advice than i. They offer an e-mail service now as well if you are unable to talk to them direct. It is a huge responsibility for you if she does move closer and perhaps you both need to be more independant before that happens.

If you need a friend you can e-mail me (track me down through members pages) or try to get into the chat room one evening after 9-10 pm, i know its a bit late but some of the ppl on here can give good advice also. Questioning who you are is totally normal and you probably are at an advantage being able to find out who you are at an earlier age than i was.

This probably was not too helpful but as a last word, be honest with your friend if you can, hiding real feelings wont work in the long term, good luck hun, xxx

I wrote that a few weeks ago and things have changed yet again. With all my confusion about our relationship, we decided that we would take one day at a time and decide whether to stay in our relationship when we see eachother face to face at easter. <o:p></o:p>

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But that hasn’t happened. Things got a bit out of hand. The last time we saw eachother, I told her how I couldn’t deal with her depression and suicidal feelings anymore. Because they jus wore me down too much. She looked into my eyes and promised me, three times, that she would go and see someone. Then last week she admitted that she knew she would never go and see counsellor. She had broken her promise and my heart. I thought that she would have loved and cared about me enough to protect me from her depression and to keep her promises.<o:p></o:p>

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It hurt so much, that I have to admit I was quite abusive to her, as its long distance, this was thro text message. The pain that I felt was so unbareable. I told my friend how I was feeling and she questioned whether I was still in love with my gf. If I wasn’t then perhaps I wudnt have been hurting so much. She was right. I am still in love with her. She has been abusive to me before, but I have managed to let it go.<o:p></o:p>

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But then last Thursday she dumped me. In a text message. Jus over a week before I would see her. Two years and she leaves me that way. Im sorry. I don’t know what im writing here for. Maybe jus for someone to listen.<o:p></o:p>

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My brother got married in feb and two weeks later his wife left him.She jus left a note for him at home, He hasn’t seen her since. Im really close to him and he’s the person I can talk to, but I cant because he’s dealing with his own probs and he needs my mum and dad more than me, so I cant tell them. I jus feel alone. <o:p></o:p>

aaaaaaaawwwwwwww Rainbow. Even tho ur brother has problems and you feel he needs ur mum and dad more than u do, I am sure that they would be upset to think you felt that way and would want to do whatever they can to help. You say you are very close to your brother - is there no way you 2 can help each other thru the problems.

I know this is hard for you to imagine right now but, if your relationship with your gf was so emotionally destructive, then you are probably better off out of it. Its just hard that you have to go thru the getting there bit first.

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