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gay parents : Confused and dunno wot to do, please help!
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Recommend  Message 1 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekeah_smith_19  (Original Message)Sent: 5/4/2004 10:18 PM
Hi All,
 
Me and my gf have been on and off since June last year, Im madly inlove with her and wanna spend the rest of my life with her.
Problem is, she is 2 days overdue.....i wanna be there for her and the baby, i said i will support her and be by her side every step of the way but i dunno if its the right thing to do!!!!
The baby is mixed race and is gonna ave 2 english mummys and the last thing i wanna do is mess up the baby when he/she is older.
 
honestly, i wanna b there dont get me wrong.... but...... wont the baby get picked on at school? in the street? plus wot a mind blower knowin u aint got a daddy and having to mummys instead, not only that.....he/she will b mixed race.
 
im scared for the baby....and i dunno if i should walk away from them both....or deal with it when we come to it?
 
please help i need some advice!!!
 
keah smith


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Reply
Recommend  Message 2 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameUntiedCatSent: 5/4/2004 11:46 PM
Hi keah
 
sorry to hear about your dilema.  Think it's quite a situation for you to be in and it requires a lot of thought but maybe not for all the reasons you mentioned.
 
Being of mixed race shouldn't (but I know it does) be a reason to be treated differently (Hopefull by the time he/she grows up, it will have changed ). 
 
And having 2 people (and sometimes more) who love and care for you as their own and look out for you...is that not a good thing? (Again hopefully but the time they get to that age things will have changed )
 
Anyways...there is a lot to think about where children are concerned and you could have the same sort of problems of being picked on for a number of reasons.  Plus there's a lot of other things you have to deal with in participating in bringing a child up.  The question is, are you ready for that?
 
Only you can answer that.  You asked if you should stay?  In a previous post you said.....( and I really hope you don't mind me quoting)
 
I'm generally looking for friendship in the SUSSEX area.....
 
Never know....it might turn into something more
 
maybe you already know that answer?
 
Anyway....please remember , I'm no expert and have no training (official or unoffical) and I could be speaking udder codswaddle (and probably am).  But thats my penethworth....hope it helps

Reply
Recommend  Message 3 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamejandancer33Sent: 5/5/2004 12:26 PM
your not talking sh*t caz, your making alot of sense!
there's not alot i can add to that keah, if you stay or go, the kids still going to be mixed race, and kids will get picked on, no matter what they are like, bullies dont need an excuse. all you can do to prepare a kid for school bullies is to bring them up to have confidence in themselves, and not to care what others think about them.
it very much sounds like your having doubts now the kids due, and hunny, your 19, thats totally understandable, its a big thing! and like caz said, you need to work out if you can be there for both of them, only you can decide that. but any kid is better off with 2 mams that love it, than a mam and dad who hate eachother....
good luck keah, whatever you decide, we're here for you
hugs janx

Reply
Recommend  Message 4 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekeah_smith_19Sent: 5/5/2004 9:58 PM
wooooooo ang on uve got me wrong.....i didnt mean for just me.....mayb more lol including my gf!
some of u may find that wrong, but ermmmm that was both of us...not just me. im no cheat, i love my gf to pieces, best thing that has eva happened to me.
 
hope i cleared that up
 
keah

Reply
Recommend  Message 5 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekeah_smith_19Sent: 5/5/2004 10:07 PM
Thanx for ur replys so soon..... didnt expect them.
 
ermmmm dunno where to start now..... well i know im only 19 but i am quite mature for my age, i have my own place and i work full time and most important i love her and im very good with kids.
 
i know the kid aint mine and everything but i know i can do it and i want to do it.....this is wot life is all bout aint it?.....like i said i know im young and sum ppl might think i should be out there livin my life partyin etc instead of preparing for a bubby to cum along but......just cos there is a baby around, doesn't mean my life is over.....to me it means my lifes starting....a baby aint the end of the world, a baby is amazing....and i love my gf and i wanna be a part of her and the babys life. i suppose i just dont want the baby having a hard time and growing up hating me.
 
i dunno.....thanx for ur advice
 
keah

Reply
Recommend  Message 6 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamejandancer33Sent: 5/5/2004 10:39 PM
hi keah
don't get us wrong hun, we're not ganging up on you, just trying to help with what you've told us.. if we got the wrong idea, sorry....
a babies not the end of the world, and it is great, but it is also very hard.
i had my daughter at 19, and brought her up with no support, and it does change your life, you have to put the baby first in everything, even stuff like your mates lighting a smoke in the same room, everything will be different.
now i'm not for one second saying you cant cope, i coped fine at 19, and there'll be two of you. but this worry your having now, about the kid getting a hard time, hun, thats nothing to what you'll feel when the kids sat there crying cos sum little sh*ts been picking on him/her, and all you want to do is strangle them, but you cant do a thing cept comfort your kid....  you have to become a different person when you become a parent, you'll see what i mean.
and i still stand by what i first said, if you do feel doubts about becoming a parent, that doesn't make you a bad person, and its certainly not unexpected, a baby is a big thing, anyone with half a heart would feel some doubts, we dont get a parents manual...
anyway, again, we;re here for you...
hope you'll enjoy the rest of the site while your round
hugs janx

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Recommend  Message 7 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamejandancer33Sent: 5/5/2004 10:43 PM
ps... you said you dont want the baby hating you  ((end of your last message))
 
i guess you'll bring the kid up to understand that any kind of love is good? be that gay love or straight love, there's no reason for that child to hate you.  other kids will have something to say, like i said, they always do, but you can put that right by teaching your child to respect people for who they are, not what they are....
you do have a chance to do something special here....

Reply
Recommend  Message 8 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameUntiedCatSent: 5/5/2004 10:44 PM

Reply
Recommend  Message 9 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekeah_smith_19Sent: 5/6/2004 10:00 PM

Jan,

thanks alot for ur advice, it means alot.....and ur right.....and the bubby will b taught respect and he/she will get all the love any1 could ever get.

i know my life is bout to change completely, and i cant say im ready for it cos......noone can be ready, not totally....but i will b there, every step of the way....

ur advice has really helped alot, thank you.....BOTH of you.

Ill let you know how we get on.

hugz n kisses

keah

P.S we will do something special here!

 


Reply
Recommend  Message 10 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamejandancer33Sent: 5/7/2004 10:18 AM
your welcome keah x
 
seen the pic of your g/f, she's very cute

Reply
Recommend  Message 11 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekeah_smith_19Sent: 5/9/2004 5:03 PM
Hi Jan
 
lol.....MmmmmMmmm aint she just!
 
keah xXx

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