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| | From:  Meesh19661 (Original Message) | Sent: 3/14/2005 2:34 PM |
Hi, I am mum to 2 wonderful kids. I separated from my hubby last year and have a g/f. My g/f and I are talking about moving in together at some point in the future, which I want very much. Can anyone advise me on how to let my kids know I am gay and that my "best friend" is also my girlfriend, my girl is 8 this week and my boy is only 4 1/2, or would it be best to just let them find out over the course of time. I don't intend rushing things as I have to put my kids' welfare first as my daughter has dyspraxia and is currently awaiting assessment etc. I look forward to any input. Thanks Meesh xxxx |
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hi, i have 2 boys aged 6 and 8. we openly discuss homophobia as they are now coming home with playground jibe's "gay" etc. my brother is gay and used to have my double bed when he stopped over with his longterm partner (RIP) so they kinda knew and accepted you can love anyone. my gf (now sadly my ex) they already knew was gay, she was their school caretaker, and they already loved her so that helped. before we slept together in my bed I made the decision to tell the boys and we discussed the impact this might have on them - they told me if anyone said anything "gay mum" they would just say so what, they were fine. my youngest used to get in the middle of us in bed if he had nightmares - i told him things wouldnt change and they aint loved any less. infact, it has been easiest telling the kids - we talk thats what we do. now when it comes to telling parents - call me chicken! children are so much more accepting - my friend gave me some advice (I told her about 3 years ago I prefer women - though this last 4 month relationship was my first) - tell them young and they will grow up accepting it as normal, which is what I kinda did with my brothers sexuality - they always knew he had a bf. I just sat them down and told them i loved her and were they ok to have a gay mum - they just said yeah fine can we go and watch the incrediables - it was that easy. hope i've not gone on too much! its 12:40 and i cant sleep. anyway hope it helps. |
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| | | From: Debbi36 | Sent: 3/22/2005 12:15 PM |
Hiya, ive been in a simular situation,this was 2 years ago now, i have 3 boys ages 12 15 and 18 . i had divorced their dad 3 years prev. they found out that i had a gf, as their dad brought them home unexpectidly one weekend and she had stayed over.....all i could do was to be open with them, my eldest moved out to my mums for a couple of weeks , which was hearrtbreaking to me. but now we all live together including gf, yes we all have are ups and downs but on the whole things are GREAT!!!! i think it would have been so much easier if they was younger. take care and i hope it works out for you and your gf PS keep saying this quote to your self " those that Matter DONT mind...But those who Mind Dont MATTER!!". |
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iya debbi am glad dat everyfing worked out 4 u in da end an yr meaning does
who dnt care matter an does who do care dnt matter is a really good way 2
look at thing an i wuld lke 2 chat(e-mail) 2 u so keep in touch bcos i
really think yr a grt person an rlly posative an dats grt in a girl a fink
yr g/f is relly luky an if yr ever ave a prblem i am always a e-mail away k
lv sweetheart20 x x x
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first of all, a big warm welcome to all the new members posting in this thread.
then, a great big thank you for all the support and warmth you have all shown.
meesh, i'd agree that it's easier for all if the kids learn about being gay when they are young. they wont have learnt predjustice at a young age, so what you are telling them wont mean as much, but they will grow up accepting it as normal.
when you spring 'im gay' on a 15/16 year old, they've heard all the gay jibes, seen all the hate, and i think its harder for them to accept then.
if i'd had the choice, i'd have rather my daughter grew up knowing i was lesbian.
whtever you decide, best of luck x
hope you all enjoy our group
hugs jan x |
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| | | From: Debbi36 | Sent: 3/22/2005 1:14 PM |
hello Jan i think this group is Fantatic, thank you for all your hardwork and effort you put into it |
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your welcome debbie, and thanx x
have fun x x x |
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yr vry wrte an dat is why i lke u another positive e-mail thanks lol lv
sweetheart20 : )
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| | | From: pooks0 | Sent: 3/25/2005 6:30 AM |
Hi Meesh,I've just been reading your post & wanted to reply. You've had great advice from everyone...I'm always thrilled by the support & wisdom of the ladies who post & chat here. I was just going to share my own experience if it helps. I got divorced 3 years ago,then met the most wonderful woman on this site. She started visiting me 2 years ago. I have 2 children,then 9 & 11,a boy & girl. After a few visits,my g/f really wanted me to tell the kids about us. She is a very open person. At first, I was horrified...they were coping with alot already & I wasn't sure they could cope with this. Howver,we did talk to them & have never looked back...they both coped in different ways,but the freedom to talk,to openly discuss their feelings about it,their fears if any(I know your chidren are younger),helped us all.Children see alot more than we realise,they have an amazing ability to accept that sadly we seem to lose with age! Children are amazing.But they always deal best with honesty. This always has to be at your pace though so you feel you are ready & in control.Regularly,we reassured them that we would never put them in an awkward position with friends etc. I hope some of this may help,& I wish you all the very best in the world,Pookie.x |
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Hi I am new here and have just read your post and the great advice you have been given. My children were young 1 & 3 1/2when i got together with my g/f but just wanted to add my experience. We didn't actually sit down and tell the children I was gay and had a g/f we just moved in together and didn't hide anything......if we wanted a kiss or cuddle or both we just did it. We have answered questions as they have come along (not that we have had many) and the children just accept us. We were really choked the other day when the eldest now 7 sais we were the best parents in the world!! I know he's biased but it made me realise just how much he did know what was going on. Luv Sonia |
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welcome to the group sonia! thanx for adding to this thread hope you enjoy the group jan x |
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Hello Meesh, I don't know if you've gotten any response on your situation, but her goes mine. I had a divorce last year after having an affair with my now ex-gf and because I wanted to be honest with my children (girl 13, boy 15) I wanted to be honest and to tell them just about everything: hey guys you know Hil my friend well she's more than that etc.. all this in the livingroom with my ex-husband in the room. It was tough and her goes where it might help in your situation, my children never saw my ex-husband and I argue, we never did, I am a very loving person and always showed that to their dad. They were surprised the why??? kept ringing over and over again. My dtr. was very hurt because he daddy wasn't loved any more (her words) and she truely believed the "how can you do this to the family " thing, you know what about our relatives, our gatherings, our celebrations we will always be divided. She choose to go with her dad, I don't know if that would be something that can happen with you. Although my children are old enough to decide and they did, my son is with me and my now partner (whom I love alot) it was hard very. Look at your children and estimate the level of understanding they have. Can they take a situation of this sort and say okay this is only about love, and nothing else so yea its cool. Or are they going to go What, say again no I dont get it. If so just say hey kids this my friend and because of situations we are going to share a household and expenses etc.. They will see the relationship and know without saying what is going on. And when ready they will ask. Lena |
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Hi lovedup and lizardtat....welcome to the group littlemiss |
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Thanks for the welcome this seems like an great place to get to know new people. Sonia |
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