TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE XMAS
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS OLD SANTA WAS PISSED
HE CUSSED OUT THE ELVES AND THREW DOWN HIS LIST
MISERABLE LITTLE BRATS UNGRATEFUL LITTLE JERKS
I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO SCRAP THE WHOLE WORKS
I'VE BUSTED MY BUTT FOR DAMN NEAR A YEAR
INSTEAD OF "THANKS SANTA" WHAT DO I HEAR
THE OLD LADY GRIPES CAUSE I WORK LATE AT NIGHT
THE ELVES WANT MORE MONEY - THE REINDEER ALL FIGHT
RUDOLPH GOT DRUNK AND GOOSED ALL THE MAIDS
DONNER IS PREGNANT AND VIXEN HAS AIDS
AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER
THOSE JERKS FROM THE IRS SENT ME A LETTER
THEY SAY I OWN TAXES - IF THAT AIN'T DAMN FUNNY
WHO THE HELL EVER SENT SANTA CLAUSE ANY MONEY
AND THE KIDS THESE DAYS- THEY ARE JUST THE PITS
THEY WANT THE IMPOSSIBLE ...THOSE MEAN LITTLE ...
I SPENT THE WHOLE YEAR MAKING WAGONS AND SLEDS
ASSEMBLING DOLLS: THEIR ARMS, LEGS AND HEAD
I MADE A TON OF YO YO'S - NO REQUEST FOR THEM
THEY WANT COMPUTERS AND ROBOTS ...THEY THINK I'M IBM
IF YOU THINK THAT'S BAD ...JUST PICTURE THIS
TRY HOLDING THOSE BRATS WITH PANTS FULL OF PISS
THEY PULL ON MY NOSE...THEY GRAB AT MY BEARD
AND IF I DON'T SMILE THEIR PARENTS THINK I'M WEIRD
FLYING THROUGH THE AIR...DODGING THE TREES
FALLING DOWN CHIMNEYS AND SKINNING MY KNEES
I'M QUITING THIS JOB... THERE'S JUST NO ENJOYMENT
I'LL SIT ON MY FAT BUTT AND DRAW UNEMPLOYMENT
THERE'S NO CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR...NOW YOU KNOW THE
REASON
I FOUND ME A BLOND...I'M GOING SOUTH FOR THE SEASON.
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