Because I have exams in Jan found these for fellow students, anyone else got exams in Jan, might raise a smile for a mo  The Final Exam<o:p></o:p> It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.<o:p></o:p> 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet." Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.<o:p></o:p> After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.<o:p></o:p> 1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.<o:p></o:p> "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?" "No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.<o:p></o:p> "Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> | 50 Fun Things To Do During An Exam | | You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..)
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious.. like history notes for a calculus exam.. otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc.. sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher." | A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> And just remember your answers really can't be as bad as these actual answers given during a science exam, keep calm guys, we can do it, honest,<o:p></o:p> just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, just keep swimming, swimming along.....<o:p></o:p> These are supposedly actual answers given on High School Science Tests: <o:p></o:p> - Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil. <o:p></o:p>
- All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels and condoms. <o:p></o:p>
- Men are mammals and women are femammals. <o:p></o:p>
- Proteins are composed of a mean old acid. <o:p></o:p>
- The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them. <o:p></o:p>
- Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones. <o:p></o:p>
- Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows. <o:p></o:p>
- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom. <o:p></o:p>
- Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. <o:p></o:p>
- Some people say we condescended from the apes. <o:p></o:p>
- The leopard has black spots which look like round soars on its body. Those who catch soars get leprosy. <o:p></o:p>
- The three cavities of the body are the head cavity, the tooth cavity and the abominable cavity. <o:p></o:p>
- Most books say the sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into the sun in the daytime. <o:p></o:p>
- Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy. <o:p></o:p>
- A liter is a nest of young baby animals. <o:p></o:p>
- The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours. <o:p></o:p>
- Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them. <o:p></o:p>
- Algebra was the wife of <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Euclid</st1:place></st1:City>. <o:p></o:p>
- A circle is a figure with 0 corners and only one side. <o:p></o:p>
- A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight. <o:p></o:p>
- Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should. <o:p></o:p>
- A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. <o:p></o:p>
- The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. <o:p></o:p>
- An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat. <o:p></o:p>
- If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence. <o:p></o:p>
- When oxygen is combined with anything, heat is given off. This is known as constipation. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p> |
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