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| | From: Ms Kelly (Original Message) | Sent: 9/1/2004 6:40 PM |
When you are growing up and learning about relationships as a child and then a teenager and then into adulthood you do learn something and some lessons sadly are never learned. We do know the mistakes and can even see them coming but always think it will be better, "this time round" and then.......... I suppose this leads me to this..why is it though, that when you get, "hurt" emotionally ,sometimes we return for more?? Why is it so difficult to resist? knowing that it will only end in the same way as before?? What are we looking for and hopeing for?? Is it because you are seen as "easy going" and so taken advantage of?? or is it more deeper than this?? Do you think only a woman knows how to really hurt another women?? ( for me personally ) i always knew it was true. To be honest do alot of women really know and i mean really know what it is that they are wanting from another women?? i mean they know that they are lesbian but do they know what they want ?? when infact they should actually be looking at themselves first and asking that same question being .."what do I want for me and what makes me happy?? " I think asking yourself that question is pretty much important really and will save you from hurt..know what i mean?? i mean some women are just going from woman to another and really if they ask themselves, is this what i really wanted all that time ago?? is sad its like a "lost focus" i mean why?? I wont go and on, I have said enough i think, hope this makes some kind of sense to you, and thanks for any replies to yet another one of my "those".....i know all this is as old as the hills but i havent seen anyone raise it here and its always interesting the female brain as a topic!:-) bye for now...... |
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hey msK your right hun, asking one's self that question would save time, effort, and pain on both sides. i think alot of people just feel they 'have' to be in a relationship to feel whole, and that could be down to lack of confidence, esteem, independance, or maybe just don't want to be alone? so 'someone', 'anyone', is better than 'no-one', even if that someone isn't what they really want, or doesn't treat then as they deserve. staying with people when they hurt you, or going back for more.. thats another topic.. again, it could be better than being alone for some. for others, well certain amounts of any kind of abuse can wipe away all your common sense, and convince you that it's all you deserve, or even as severe as being too scared to walk away.... we can only be taken advantage of, if we allow it. there's being nice, and easy going, and thats a trait we want in anyone we meet, but it can be taken too far. you have to act accordingly to each different person you meet, or the bad one's will treat you like shite. anyway, good topic, thanx hugs janx |
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Thanks for the reply to this Jan, I just happen to think its an important question that alot of women should ask themselves being ,"what do I really want from another woman? and for what reason too?? Perhaps alot of women could benefit by staying single and finding they be can happy and finding out about themselves instead of moving from one woman to another and trying to find this "missing piece". I can understand alot of woman are ready for a relationship but I also think some mistake wanting a partner when infact its just affection and the craving for it, that they are missing ?? know what I mean?? they would be better off on their own, I think it depends what type of woman you are and also what type you get involved with too. Laying down the "rules??" first could save "hurt". There are many angles to this but I think its been pretty much been summed up really. I understand your reply and I agree ,its so true does anyone else here in this community group have any thoughts to add?? thankyou. |
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| From: Ms Kelly (Original Message) | Sent: 01/09/2004 18:40 | When you are growing up and learning about relationships as a child and then a teenager and then into adulthood you do learn something and some lessons sadly are never learned. We do know the mistakes and can even see them coming but always think it will be better, "this time round" and then.......... I suppose this leads me to this..why is it though, that when you get, "hurt" emotionally ,sometimes we return for more?? Why is it so difficult to resist? knowing that it will only end in the same way as before?? What are we looking for and hopeing for?? Is it because you are seen as "easy going" and so taken advantage of?? or is it more deeper than this?? Do you think only a woman knows how to really hurt another women?? ( for me personally ) i always knew it was true. To be honest do alot of women really know and i mean really know what it is that they are wanting from another women?? i mean they know that they are lesbian but do they know what they want ?? when infact they should actually be looking at themselves first and asking that same question being .."what do I want for me and what makes me happy?? " I think asking yourself that question is pretty much important really and will save you from hurt..know what i mean?? i mean some women are just going from woman to another and really if they ask themselves, is this what i really wanted all that time ago?? is sad its like a "lost focus" i mean why?? I wont go and on, I have said enough i think, hope this makes some kind of sense to you, and thanks for any replies to yet another one of my "those".....i know all this is as old as the hills but i havent seen anyone raise it here and its always interesting the female brain as a topic!:-) bye for now...... hey msK your right hun, asking one's self that question would save time, effort, and pain on both sides. i think alot of people just feel they 'have' to be in a relationship to feel whole, and that could be down to lack of confidence, esteem, independance, or maybe just don't want to be alone? so 'someone', 'anyone', is better than 'no-one', even if that someone isn't what they really want, or doesn't treat then as they deserve. staying with people when they hurt you, or going back for more.. thats another topic.. again, it could be better than being alone for some. for others, well certain amounts of any kind of abuse can wipe away all your common sense, and convince you that it's all you deserve, or even as severe as being too scared to walk away.... we can only be taken advantage of, if we allow it. there's being nice, and easy going, and thats a trait we want in anyone we meet, but it can be taken too far. you have to act accordingly to each different person you meet, or the bad one's will treat you like shite. anyway, good topic, thanx hugs janx | | | Thanks for the reply to this Jan, I just happen to think its an important question that alot of women should ask themselves being ,"what do I really want from another woman? and for what reason too?? Perhaps alot of women could benefit by staying single and finding they be can happy and finding out about themselves instead of moving from one woman to another and trying to find this "missing piece". I can understand alot of woman are ready for a relationship but I also think some mistake wanting a partner when infact its just affection and the craving for it, that they are missing ?? know what I mean?? they would be better off on their own, I think it depends what type of woman you are and also what type you get involved with too. Laying down the "rules??" first could save "hurt". There are many angles to this but I think its been pretty much been summed up really. I understand your reply and I agree ,its so true does anyone else here in this community group have any thoughts to add?? | |
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Hmm... an old thread resurrected Ms K! I guess some things keep coming back... Maybe you could have made the subject 'What Women Want'. I can only speak from my own experience. I had a relationship with Duddi in Denmark from January - end September 2003 and then she suddenly dumped me and broke my heart. However, my love from her never died even though I had no contact from her. I used to send her emails now and again but never got any replies. It was her birthday on 19th June so I sent her a 'Happy Birthday' email. To my surprise she suddenly came on messenger and asked me to phone her. So I did and, to my greater surprise, she said she wanted me back! And I went back to her in Denmark a few weeks later. Of course I was wary and she never did give a good reason for wanting me back or for never contacting me since the previous October. But I still loved her and was willing to take the risk and continue the relationship. I've mostly been living in Denmark with her ever since and I hoped that things might become more permanent eventually. For family reasons she's been living away sinc Jan 16th. Things had been a bit strained and last Saturday she dumped me over the phone and broke my heart again. I've not heard from her since and will be flying back to England on Monday. I think I know what I want but Duddi doesn't seem to know what she wants. Even though I've felt neglected by her for quite some time now, I still love her and was prepared to work at things. It seems though that she gives up too easily. She's likely to have to coninue living away for maybe as long as 5 months, only really coming home every other weekend when her son, Tobias, is looked after by another family. Sometimes I wish I could read her mind so that I would know for sure what she's really thinking and feeling. It takes two to maintain a relationship. I think you both have to be happy and committed. If only one is, it probably won't work and won't last. Should it ever arise, would I go back a third time?? I don't know. It would be very difficult. I have offered to take her to the U2 concert in Copenhagen on July 31st. - as a friend. As yet, no reply to my sms, so I guess that's a no, but I know she would absolutely want to go. With ticket prices starting at around £200 I doubt she'd be able to afford it herself though she could probably borrow the money. As before when we broke up, I doubt I'll hear from her again. I'll just have to pick up the pieces and get on with my life again. There's no guarantee with relationships and it can be hard to trust once you've been hurt. But love is about taking risks. I think it's a natural human instinct to want to be part of a couple. But that situation in itself isn't a key to happiness. |
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{{{{{louise}}}}} sorry hun, hugs for you x x x |
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I think that people project their weaknesses and insecurities onto others and a lot of what is going on is to do with self worth. One of the hardest things for people to do is look within and spend time with themselves to understand who they are and why they do the things they do. Someone else can give us purpose and distract us from what we are afraid to embrace......who we really are and what we really want. Within us is the love that fills the gaps and opens doors. Love for ourselves. Simply |
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Sorry about that, Louise. The thoughts that Simply has put, are very true ! |
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Thanks for the messages! Just to add that I'm ok and coping with things. Better than I did last time anyway, lol. I'm not bitter or angry with Duddi. I hope we can stay friends once the dust has settled... Romantic relationships don't always work and I think friendship would be better, and more lasting, for us. Hugs and Love Louise x |
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