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| | From:  MsLushus1 (Original Message) | Sent: 4/25/2005 3:06 PM |
WELL,I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL MY CO-WORKERS FOR MAKING ME FEEL DOWN THIS AFTERNOON!! ACTUALLY,THAT'S NOT FAIR...IT WASN'T ALL OF THEM.. SHALL I START FROM THE BEGINNING?..OK... RECENTLY,I HAVE BEEN CONTEMPLATING "COMING OUT" TO MY MOTHER. SHE IS 72,AND FROM A WHOLE DIFFERENT GENERATION,WHERE CERTAIN SUBJECTS WERE TABOO-ABORTION;UNMARRIED MOTHERS;HOMOSEXUALITY;SEX IN GENERAL.THESE THINGS WERE NEVER SPOKEN OF IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN,BUT WE KNEW IT WAS SOMETHING "DODGY" WHEN THE ADULTS WOULD "MOUTH" WORDS OR USE ELABORATE SIGN LANGUAGE(ANYONE IN MY AGE GROUP WILL KNOW THIS,40+). SO,HERE I AM,ALL WEEKEND,TRYING TO BUILD UP WHAT TO SAY,HOW TO SAY IT,ASKING PEOPLE'S ADVICE,READING CHASTITY BONO'S BOOK ON COMING OUT...AND I'M FEELING KIND OF CONFIDENT...YOU KNOW,MAYBE,WHEN I GET IT CLEAR IN MY HEAD,IN A LITTLE WHILE,I'M GOING TO TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS... TAKE THE PLUNGE.. AND BEGIN MY "COMING OUT" PROCESS... OK,SO WE'RE SITTING IN THE STAFFROOM AT SCHOOL,AND SOMEONE SAYS THAT ELTON JOHN AND HIS PARTNER ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED. BEFORE I COULD TAKE A BREATH,THEY'D ALL DAMNED THEM BOTH TO HELL,SAID IT WAS "UNNECCESSARY..WRONG...BAD...AND BLASPHEMOUS".. THE LAST WORD,"BLASPHEMOUS" WAS OFFERED BY MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR,WHO PRETENDS TO BE OPEN MINDED.SHE HAS SAID,"GAYS ARE FINE..EACH TO THEIR OWN...EVEN THOUGH,DEEP DOWN,WE ALL KNOW IT'S WRONG..." HOW CAN IT BE WRONG,WHEN AFTER THE DISASTER OF MY MARRIAGE,THIS FEELS SO RIGHT? SO PERFECT? SO NATURAL? ANYWAY MY CONFIDENCE WAS SHATTERED AND MY "COMING OUT" HAS BEEN POSTPONED BUT,I A M CONFIDENT IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT WHEN I DROP MY OWN PERSONAL BOMB ,MY TRUE FRIENDS WILL BE STANDING WITH ME WHEN THE DUST SETTLES... |
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awwwwwwwwww Mslushus, some people  Hugs Chez xxx |
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I too have tried to be "out" this weekend. Took my gf to cricket with my boys, just as a friend, which didnt work as the more alcohol everyone consumed the more we were told that we had been outed by my 6 year old son - who told the 66 year old dinner lady at school who told everyone! Apparently everyone thinks its great. My gf moved it this weekend and I picked up courage to txt my mum and tell her, mum and dad live in spain, am still awaiting a reply!! I know she knows she just doesn't want to discuss it with me, which is strange as my brother was always allowed his bf to stay over and be treated like a member of the family.  |
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| | | From: skweela | Sent: 4/25/2005 4:28 PM |
Sorry to hear this mslushus a lot of bigotry is borne out of pure ignorance as im sure you know. A lot of people i know will say whatever everyone else is saying just for the sake of conforming, especially when they are in a group situation. a lot of people's views come straight out of a newspaper too and has little to do with real life. I am open and honest with eveyone i know and work with and have come to realise that if any of these people find my sexuality problomatic it is for them to deal with rather than me! I fear i am in danger of going in to a major waffle here so ill put the brakes on, i think what i am trying to say is what u said already, which is that when all is said and done your real friends will be there! sorry for going on ..igot there in the end i think lol! |
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Hi Lush some people never accept you will find but like the other advice you will know in your heart when the time is right I came out many years ago and am very proud to be gay and open My mum accepted it because all she wanted was for me to be happy the only member of my family who didnt accept was an uncle who I never really got on with anyway so wasnt a lose to me your true friends will stand by you some may not but then think of it as your starting your new life and be proud of who you are when you decide to come out you will feel so much better.. I know someone who hasnt come out despite being gay for many yrs she has her reasons and that wont ever change sadly Take care and good luck hun Hugs Susyxx |
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mslush sorry you had to go through this hun as long as we know its not wrong, we'll just have to live with other peoples ignorance nettie sounds like your 'coming out' went a bit better, stick with it, how can being happy, be wrong?!? as for your patents.. you have a gay brother? maybe they were thinking you were the one to give them the grandkids, the happy marriage? or maybe they just didnt get the text? if they accept your brother, they will accept you.. skweela great to see you on the boards hun, and you waffle away, lots of good sense and advice there... susy, thanks for your words, gives many, much hope x big hugs to all jan x |
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MY TRUE FRIENDS WILL BE STANDING WITH ME WHEN THE DUST
SETTLES...
You will find those you really will respect cause they will be
there when the dust settles... Its amazing who runs... I had a gal I was really
really good friends, she had moved here from Australia and we did EVERYTHING
mostly together... I never told her I was lesbian, and she moved off with her
boyfriend to Cali... Well, when I called I finally took the plunge, she said
OOOH NOW I get it... Dont know what she meant by that, we were just friends, and
never heard from her after that night... Lost touch, but HER loss not
mine...
S & B
"The older we get, the
less
concerned we are about
appearance.." |
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| | | From: Fluffa3 | Sent: 4/26/2005 5:35 AM |
I think a lot of people can be narrow minded when they don't or won't understand what the situation is. I know it's hard but, I have always tried to project myself (and I was a LTIL)!!! that basically this is how it is and you either accept me as I am or forget it. Having said that tho' it is hard with family. |
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| | | From: pooks0 | Sent: 4/27/2005 6:25 AM |
Awww MsLushus,i'm so sorry this happened to you.It takes so long to build up confidence to tell people who we are.I'd like to tell you a bit of what i've found as i "came out".At first ,I would chose just a few friends or family...don't go too wide initially perhaps until you feel confidant.Although all my friends & family(only immediate family coz thats what my mum wants & i respect this) know,i have myself chosen not to tell my work colleagues.This is very personal i know,but always remember that when people know you then have to deal with it permanently.At the end of the day,we are not looking for "approval",we are looking just to be who we are,what we feel comfortable being & with whom we chose.I "outed" myself by huge mistake to my ex husband who has since been vile & damaged my relationship with his family.However my parents(devout church goers & in their 70's) were fantastic & very supportive.We don't talk alot about it,but we do talk more openly than ever before.My friends,well,i must be so lucky,coz they have all been fantastic...not one bad or awkward reaction.When you get this,it is ignorance.It is unacceptable.I find it very sad that you work in a school & saw this predujice there.Shocking in fact.Another way you may feel you could start is to say if this arises again,how sad you feel at their attitudes when there will be many of the children facing huge anxieties over their sexuality.That it is not a peverse choice in life,it is about being who we are,living life.There are far more people who will become closer,better friends to you.Take your time,start slowly,but don't apologise for it,hun.You are a wonderful person,i've met you.You deserve to be very happy,be strong inside,biggest hugs,Pookie.xx |
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THANKS,POOKIE! YOU KNOW SOMETHING? IT'S SURPRISING THE EXTENT OF BIGOTRY WITH SOME OF MY WORKMATES. THE AREA WHERE I LIVE IS VERY NEAR THE DOCKS,SO WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN USED TO FOREIGN VISITORS,AND FOR THE MOST PART,IT'S ALWAYS FASCINATED ME,YOU KNOW,REALIZING PEOPLE ARE COMING TO YOUR TOWN(WELL,CITY,NOW!!),FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED IN GEOGRAPHY AND FINDING OUT HOW OTHER PEOPLE LIVE COMPARED TO US IN NEWPORT. THE SCHOOL WHERE I WORK HAS AN 80% ETHNIC RATE,SO WE GET TO LEARN ABOUT OTHER CULTURES AND RELIGIONS. YOU'D BE SHOCKED TO HEAR SOME OF THE RASCIST ATTITUDES FROM SOME MEMBERS OF STAFF. I'M ALWAYS QUICK TO POINT OUT,IF THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT THE ASIAN OR SOMALI PUPILS,THAT THE "WHITE" PUPILS CAN BE JUST AS BAD,IF NOT WORSE. SOME OF THESE WOMEN ARE THE SAME AGE AS ME,AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEIR WAY OF THINKING.I THINK MY NEIGHBOUR(WHO ALSO WORKS AT THE SCHOOL) IS WORST,BECAUSE SHE HAS THIS BELIEF THAT IT'S 1 MAN,1 WOMAN,MARRIAGE,FAMILY,TILL DEATH DO YOU PART;WHITE FOR WHITE,BLACK FOR BLACK. AND THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T CONFIDE IN HER WHEN I WAS GETTING DIVORCED,BECAUSE SHE WAS OF THE OPINION THAT YOU HAVE TO "WORK AT YOUR MARRIAGE".....LET ME THINK....20 YEARS OF MENTAL TORTURE....NO,IT'S OK! LET ME OUT!! THANKS AGAIN,POOKIE! AND ALL THE OTHER GIRLS WHO'VE SHARED THEIR VIEWS. |
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Iagree with pookies reply to your posting.. you just hav to be who you are and let the narrow minded people solve there own problems..im 47 i came out 4 years ago and now i wonder what took me so long coz at last i am who i am.i didnt lose any good friends over it and my family were wonderful so good luck and remember life is to short to ponder over things for to long so you take that bull by the horns and DO IT... best of luck.. |
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 your u and if ppl cant accept u the wya u r then thye dotn need t b aroudn u at all huni thats all i have to sya on it  |
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