my goodness it's been a while since I've taken time to set down and write ... there's so many things I'm grateful for .. my life seems to of taken a path that has opened up doors for me lately that I never dreamed was there ~ to be opened. .... I have a very dear friend that I'm able to share these experiences with and she reassures me that ~ it's good. She knows who she is ( hehehe ... Beck ) ... she's a sister of mine from another life, which the day she and I connected, everything feel into place ... just as it should be. I feel like tonight I could write till wee hours of the morning expressing what's in my heart for Life and all those in it. But I shall keep it short for the moment and savor the rest for another time.
I am so deeply grateful for my closes spiritual friend ... Beck
I am so grateful for my life .... even with the body needing repair all the time. ..... next I'm looking at neck surgery ... 2 herniated disc ... must be taken care of soon/fast !
I'm grateful for the love and prayers that I recieve from friends on a daily bases ... which help to keep me from getting depressed and continue to see the Sunshine shining down the road.
I am grateful for the fact that I have a friend that is an 0/0 - owner operator - cross country truck driver .. and as soon as I'm able to go to school .... he wants me to get on his truck and be a Team driver with him ..... this is something I SO MUCH look forward to. ....
I am grateful that I was able to get my main restroom, hall, kitchen and most of the living area painted before I feel off the ladder and tore up my neck. ... I feel much better well I'm looking at the walls in my home and know that they have a fresh coat of paint on them .... it's a big relief. .....
I am grateful for the settlement I recieved from the workcomp case with the school district .... now that I can't work until my neck surgery ..... I'm able to pay my bills and not have that stress of - (oh my goosh how am i going to make it)... I'm a wise person with money and will survive.
I'm grateful for my family ... my daugher's health isn't the best ... she has neuropathey ... but witht he grace of God, we will be able to find a way to help her cope and find the med's that is needed to carry on with her life in a small amount of pain ........... my mother has gas gastrparesis .. which she will starve to death is she can't get a fooding tube put in ... so there's many things on my plate right now ..... but it will all be taken cared of.
I'm grateful for the wonderful weather we're having right now .... I love the sunshine ... it helps to energyize me.
I am grateful I have a place I can lay my head down to rest and not be afraid for my life ... (hours alarm helps)
I am gratful that my Son is moving right along in his collage and enjoying it, making good graded ...Anthophagous . He and I enjoy going to museums and him tell me about the picutre of the old piece of history that i'm looking at .... As a small child he and I would spend time in museumes ,,,, I've always enjoyed them
First 
... quickly I found myself reliving the truck accident in 1995 .. in my head over and over ... fear creeped in and I couldn't get rid of it. ... I did everything I thought I knew to do ... wore my cross, meditated, prayed, took alot of deep breaths .... but it seemed to be stronger than me. ........ Now when I was driving with someone else in the truck I was ok ~ the fear was controlled ... guess because at any given point in time I could ask for help or know that someone was within hearing distance of me that would care. .... The fear had to much control, so I ended up coming home - got off the road completely. ... At that point ~ life started spiraling down very fast .... it was as if I had lost all my drive to live or care if I ever woke up again ... I spoke to my doctor about this feeling and I guess she took me serious - because when I was telling her my feelings she stopped writing in her book and looked straight into my eyes.... I honestly think she was trying to decide if she was going to admit me - to the crazy ward - or what? ... so she put me on strong meds which only zoned me out ... I hated that feeling ... but I tried it for a week and had to just throw those pills away ... either I was going to walk myself out of this dark place for die in it. .... ... How could this be happening to ME ... I've done everything right - everything that I was suppose to do in order to return to the hwy.. 
.... wronggggggggg .... 
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