 |
|
|
Reply
| | From:  karengti (Original Message) | Sent: 9/12/2005 6:53 PM |
Just wanted to post to say hi to everyone and give you all a shortened version of my life so far and why I've joined. Im 42, been married twice. Two children aged 10 & 12. To start with, I never did get along with my Dad, and couldnt wait to leave home. Always been tomboy, wanted to be a mechanic but got pushed into Banking lol. Had a few boyfriends and got married at 19. By 27 had grown apart, he wanted divorce (announced a day after my Mum was diagnosed with cancer!), and I went along with it after he refused to discuss anything. 3 months later, he'd changed his bloody mind. I hadnt and got a good beating for it.About a year later at 28 met my last husband, he was so charming, caring thoughtful (or so I thought). I moved in and within 6 months we had married. In the meantime I had also lost my Mum after a 2 year fight with cancer. I never considered having kids before but for some reason it seemed right with him. I'll cut this bit really short, over time, he became moody quiet, more so after we moved. As years went on I was to find out that he was gay before I met him, from 18-28 he lived that life, then somehow changed his mind, he had come out and his family all hid this from me, so did he. I also discovered that for the first 4yrs we were together he was busy having sex with his 'ex' boyfriend who he had introduced me to as just a friend. Nothing was said about 'gay' because apparently he didnt know how I'd take it. I actually became friends with this guy! Little did I know. Back in 2000/2001 he had some sort of depression/anxiety. He went suicidal, started drinking, then it all came out and so did he. I was devasted. He said he didnt know what he wanted and for four years I clung onto the hope he would chose to be with me and his kids. Last year I had skin cancer treatment (again) and after the event found out he had had a 6 month relationship with a guy he had met in a club (stripped naked in one of those dark rooms they have). I know this coz I called the guy when I found a text saying 'you dont love me like you said you did'. He didnt know I existed and started to cry when he realised I did. Last Christmas he announced that he was looking for something which had been right under his nose 'me'. He would stay as long as I wanted, but refused to say he wouldnt cheat again. That was it. He moved out back in April giving me 3 days notice and took everything he had bought in 14yrs with him. I started seeing a guy a few months ago, just as friends and realised I couldnt be more than that. I told him so. My thoughts are wondering elsewhere and I've no idea why. Were they always meant to go that way or am I just totally freaked out by men now? My ex who I felt so close to was actually the female in a male gay relationship. I dont expect you guys to have much advice, I doubt anyone has been where I have, but it helps just writing this stuff down. Thanks Best wishes to all karen x |
|
 First
Previous
2-10 of 10
Next
Last
|
Reply
| |
Hi Karen .... first of all im sorry about your mum xxxxx As for yr ex comming out , he should have been straight with you and told you of his past esp with something as big like that. You cant just go from gay to straight over night. (well i dont think so any way) I dont know if i have advice for you , it seems like you have had your world rocked with your past relationships and the loss of your mum , yes im sure you feel really let down by men... as for finding feelings towards women , that has to come from inside and trust me women can be equally as bad as men in the relationship department. You can not help who you fall in love with ...... it doesnt matter if they are gay or straight , black or white , disabled or abled bodided... all inside are the same. I would give men , women and aliens a wide berth and get your own head together before looking for the right person again. xxxxxxxxxxxxx |
|
Reply
| |
Hi Dizzy Thanks for the words of wisdom you didnt think you had lol. Thanks also re my Mum, been 14yrs now, but still miss her, think moreso when times get tough. As for getting my head together, right there too, I'm trying to find myself, giving everyone a wide berth and just looking for some good friendships. Judging by another post in the group I have over the years become a stereotypical gay woman, lol, tattoos, piercings, short hair, jeans and t-shirts. Certainly not the typical Mum at the local school thats for sure. I'm just beginning to feel I dont fit in, funny that coz it never bothered me before. At least I have a place now where I can safetly express myself without some bloke pretending to be a woman in a chat room pounces on me!! Thanks again Karen xx |
|
Reply
| |
Hi Karen.....I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, I know there are ladies here who are great at advice and we all are good listeners. Welcome to the group littlemiss |
|
Reply
| |
Hello Karengti. best of luck, hope you'll be ok :-) MsK |
|
Reply
|  0 recommendations | Message 6 of 10 in Discussion |
|
| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
|
Reply
| |
Hi Debbie Thanks for sharing that, helps to know I'm not alone here. Difference is I'd never have left him and the kids, not for anything, I'm not that driven. He was though, breaking his neck to find a Man!! Me, I'm OK alone, I dont have any incredible urge to meet anyone and I'm certainly not suicidal like he was. I would have stuck it out for years (and probably have been really unhappy). Funny you couldnt bear to have a sexual relationship with him, I certainly got to the point where I'd wish it was over quick lol. Suppose it could well take me a few years to sort myself out and find out who I am, without the hassle of someone else around. Looking back, I got like that with the first husband too, now I'm really starting to wonder why. Took most of my piercings out now, but I never did analyse why I felt I needed them, as for the tattoos, stuck with them but at least I can cover them when I want to (or need to at work lol). I've decided to just plod along be me, and see where I end up. They say you're more likely to meet someone if you dont go looking anyway  . You know I really wished he had handled the whole thing the way you did. Just go, sort his head out and not come back. Been alone for a while. We may have been friends that way, but the way he treated me, cheated etc., I cant see that ever happening now, especially since he had a full blown relationship with a guy while he was still here married to me and pretending like we were OK. I admire you for handling that situation so well. I got into the chat room earlier,just to prove I could lol, nobody was there but at least I got the damn door open, so look forward to having a good chat sometime. Love Kaz xx |
|
Reply
| |
Wow you guys Hugs Chez xxxx |
|
Reply
| |
sounds like you've been through to hell and back, sorry you've had such a rough time. but you have made it through, and walked into this group, so you have the fight in you to put all this behind you and have a great life with your kids... concentrate on yourself for a while, work out who you are, and what you want, then when your happy with yourself, you can start to look at what you want in your future. it might be a long journey, but from your messages, i'm guessing you'll have the strength to do it. good luck janx |
|
Reply
| |
Hi Jan Thanks a lot, not sure where the strength comes from, guess when you have kids you find it from somewhere. Feeling a lot better lately just from being alone, didnt feel right seeing the guy I was, might not have been right one, might have been just because he was a guy lol, who knows. Anyway, theres a nice lot of people in this group, feeling at home, just not had very much time to get involved and write much. Kids seem to go to bed same time as me and its a bit difficult to get into the group when they're around. Havent told them anything as yet as there's no need. Karen x |
|
|
First
Previous
2-10 of 10
Next
Last
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Return to Agony Aunt!