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| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 1 of 21 in Discussion |
| | From: Curmudgeon (Original Message) | Sent: 11/18/2005 11:07 AM |
Hello all! I am new to this site, but am no stranger to adiction to opiates, DOC Heroin. The only thing I have little experience with is kicking, and I am at a time in my life now where it is imperative that I quit. Unfortunately, it looks like I am going to have to do this cold turkey. I have been trying to kick for the last few weeks, and the longest I can make it on will power is 2 days (so far). The pain of kicking is excruciating, and I am beginning to think that it might not be possible and that I am going to be stuck with this monkey on my back for the rest of my life. Each time, it's the same. Roughly 24 hours clean, and I start to kick. I find myself laying in bed, swetting and cold at the same time, and not long after that, I start with frequent trips to the washroom to purge everything from my stomache with painful spasmatic vomitting. Within 36 to 48 hours, I find myself back in the seedy part of town, copping again, and again, and again... Please help me, I need hope, I need help! I need to know how long this will go on, what I can expect, and any advice on how to kick successfully. I go back to work in about a week, and I need to be functional, if at all possiblee, when I return. If I had even just a general idea on what to expect, and perhaps some advice on what I can do to help ease the symptoms, I would be forever in debt to your priceless advice. Can anyone set me off in the right diresction? I would love to hear from anyone that may be able to help! Thanks a million, Signed, "Kicking in Vancouver" |
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Thanks guys, all your suggestions are helping as well as can be expected. Thanks for the Epsom salt bath and popsicle suggestion there, Curiosity, I will have to give that a try as soon as I have the energy to run a bath. My god, I woke up this morning with my blanket soaked all the way through with sweat! And man alive, I stink to high heaven, worse than I have ever smelled in my life to the best of my recollection. And I am so incredibly sick right now, and can't even so much as keep water down. I seriously feel like I am going to die. My dreams (When I am actualy able to sleep for a bit) are fitfull, and scary at times. My back is killing me right now, as is my head, and all my bones feel like the cartilige is made of ground up glass. I'm sneezing, coughing, crying involuntarily, as well as kicking my legs in short spasms. I have never been a wimp, so to speak, but this is almost more pain than I can handle.I pray there is an end to all this very soon. God help me... |
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Hey, you're on here. I was worried about you. Yep. You're almost through it now. You'll be on the other side. Oh yeah that smell. It's all that poison coming out of you. The sneezing gets nuts. You're right about your lower back. That's the worst though. I'm glad you at least got to shut your eyes. Now keep yourself holed up, and you will be so happy, and it is so worth it. I am so glad you were on line. Detoxing off of dope can bring a grown man to his knees. You are definately not a wimp. The leg spasms are why people call it kicking. I'd say you're about near the worst part. One big kick, and slowly you'll emerge. I promise you that. Again, you ain't doing it in jail. Go out there, and you might get locked up. Other people in holding do not take kindly when someone detoxes in jail. Imagine having a bunch of people smelling you in there. You're doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! Stay there, and it will pass. I felt better when I would cry. I've seen men who never cried in their lives just wailing. It's O.K. Sort of like a pendgelum. We moved it so far to the left where we didn't feel, and now it's swinging back to what "normal" human beings feel everyday. It just has to get settled. We're with you. I'mmaa keep praying for you too. You'll be past this soon. I swear. |
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| Hey Curmudgeon. I posted a reply under your other post - "How do I withdraw." It's good to hear you're still hangin' in there. Keep it up, man! |
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Curmudgeon,
Im also here holding out good thoughts that you
can do this, this time.
Dont give up.
Make sure you drink lots and lots of
water,
Much Love Karen
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, November 20, 2005 4:25
PM
Subject: Re: Kicking: What can I
expect?
Kicking:
What can I expect?
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| From: wokeup1dayandiwas25 |
Hey Curmudgeon. I posted a reply
under your other post - "How do I withdraw." It's good to hear
you're still hangin' in there. Keep it up,
man! | |
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Gettinthere,
Tears are toxic to your body also and if you dont release
them, if you hold them back they will come out some other way.
SO cry a river if you need too,
Hugs Karen
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, November 20, 2005 4:24
PM
Subject: Re: Kicking: What can I
expect?
Kicking:
What can I expect?
Reply
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| From: Gettinthere |
Hey, you're on here. I was worried about you. Yep. You're
almost through it now. You'll be on the other side.
Oh yeah that smell. It's all that poison coming out of you.
The sneezing gets nuts. You're right about your lower back.
That's the worst though. I'm glad you at least got to shut your
eyes. Now keep yourself holed up, and you will be so happy, and
it is so worth it.
I am so glad you were on line. Detoxing off of dope can
bring a grown man to his knees. You are definately not a wimp.
The leg spasms are why people call it kicking. I'd say you're
about near the worst part. One big kick, and slowly you'll
emerge. I promise you that. Again, you ain't doing it in jail.
Go out there, and you might get locked up. Other people in
holding do not take kindly when someone detoxes in jail. Imagine
having a bunch of people smelling you in there.
You're doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! Stay there, and it will pass.
I felt better when I would cry. I've seen men who never cried in
their lives just wailing. It's O.K. Sort of like a
pendgelum. We moved it so far to the left where we didn't feel,
and now it's swinging back to what "normal" human beings feel
everyday. It just has to get settled. We're with you. I'mmaa
keep praying for you too. You'll be past this soon. I
swear. | |
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Hi Curmugeon,
How are you doing? I read your post, and it sounds just awful, kicking really sucks. I forgot some of the way it feels - but I remember the horrific dreams and the muscle spasms - totally sucks. But anyways, keep on hanging in there. You can totally do this. There is another side to this, and you are probably over the worst part of the physical detox by now, so stay strong and try to stay distracted. I'm pulling for you.
-Curiosity |
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Curmugeon, Wondering how you are feeling. Hope you're making it through. No matter what we're here to support you. Be safe, and hopefully feeling better. |
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Hey all... I'm alive, I wish I could add "And well" as in "Alive and well" but, well, I think you all know how I feel... God, how long have I been at this? One, two, three million years... I feel like I've been put through one of those old fashioned clothes wringers, the kind with the rollers that press all the water out of ones laundry... My head split wide open yesterday, and my brains exploded all over the place (Read "Hyperbole";) Every bone, every muscle, every flake of poisoned skin that makes up my body was threatening me, holding me prisoner, telling me to get out and score one last hit of the shit lest they gang up and kill me, slowly, painfully... This morning I woke up, and I was very much relieved to discover that I did not have to race to the loo to spew. The first day in almost an eon that I didn't have to puke first thing upon waking. And then complete amazement hit me, amazment at the fact that I had actually managed to sleep, though it was mostly out of sheer exhaustion... My throat is parched and sore from all the effort of yacking, my gut feels like an abused tramploline, my tortured mind is stretched way too thin. I've lost 30 pounds in 5 days, and hey! I think I've managed to quit smoking, mostly because the thought of smoking a cigarette during these last few days disgusted me to no end, and actually smoking one made me violently ill... It's almost been 6 days now, and at long last, I think it's starting to settle down. I may have a shot at this after all. My god, I think I might actually see that elusive light at the end of the tunnel.... I can hardly wait to be free of this prison, for once and for all. And heck, I may just start to go to NA or something, to keep me out of trouble. But right now, that still seems far away. Right now, all I want to do is go back to sleep, and regain some of my lost strength. Anyway, I just thought I would jump back on and let you know I am still alive... I've called in sick to my place of work, by the way. It seems I have the flu, you know, it's that time of the year...;) Thanks again for all of you guys support! I hope some day I will be in a position to repay the kindness I have found here... Peace, Sleep now. ZZZ |
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(((((((Curmungeon)))))))
Know we are thinking about you and hoping your
feeling a little better today.
Just keep telling yourself it wont last
forever.
You will get thru this.
The pain and agony is going to end.
Much Love Karen |
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Yay!!!!! Good for you. I am so dang proud. You do that little thing there mister. Whoot whoot. This has made my week. No flies on you. Your illeteration certainly is wonderful. You should be s writer. Isn't it so cool to have your mind free? I mean the body is one thing, but when the creativity comes back we realize we're actually pretty interesting folks. Right? NA would be excellent. The painfull, and agonizing part to the body is now going slowly downhill. Then you have the rest of the stuff to deal with. But as you said just try and rest, and relax. Breathe. Try some yoga even. You should be dang gone proud. Be prepared to see, smell, feel, and pretty much hear. Everything comes zooming in, and you wonder how the heck you numbed it all this time. Blessings, and much support sent your way, sweetie. Hold tight, and whew lucky, lucky you can sleep at all. Eleven days without one dang shut eyeball, and I was going to jump off my roof. I mean how does the body handle these things? I have concluded although a machine it can't handle too many of these assaults on ourselves that's for sure. I am so happy for you. |
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Hello all... Well, all told, it's been a rotten last week or so.. I weigh 150 pounds now, down from 195, un-fuckin believable, best weight loss program I've ever utilized (NOT!) I managed to work the shower and have a nice, long hot shower to wash off the all permeating rotten smell that had been eminating from me (Yes, I know, it's really gross that I went an entire week without showering, but I honestly couldn't do it until just now) It is so sad how Hollywood romantisizes Heroin. They make it look like all fun and games (Most movies anyway) but never seem to touch on the severity of addiction and it's horrible consequences, especially when one is kicking as I have been) If I could take a step back to 10 years ago or so, and give myself the choice of starting to use junk or to just walk away from it forever, I would certainly choose the latter. But that means knowing then what I know now, and sadly, that is not a possibility. If anyone out there happens upon this little blog of ours, please take a moment and read it, especially if you are one of those curious people that just wants to try heroin. This is the worse drug there is to be addicted to.. I hope and pray that any one of you who wants to give it a try decides against it. I don't want to sound preachy or anything, but I want to spare a person the hell that we all had to go through due to one bad choice in our varied yet similar pasts.. Curmudgeon |
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Alright, Curmudgeon! You've been on my mind. So you did the ol' hot shower eh? Now you're moving. Isn't it the truth? You just don't want the towel to touch you. Your skin feels so freaky. Even a hug or a pat from someone gets you all yucked out. It's even a bit symbolic when you wash that smell, and gunk away. Boy does that smell reek or what? Be glad you didn't go to a detox where they make you get in a shower first. Before handing you paper scrubs. Very attractive. Of course the water ain't hot in those places either. I thought are they kidding me? Yep. A shower, and who knows what the heck is growing in there. I thought I come here to get clean and I'll pick up some dangerous funk. Be proud. Stay strong. Man, you did awesome. You have great strength. I send you hugs. You are so right about Hollyweird's version of dope. My mom one time I was kicking says "I know all about this from Frank Sinatra in Man With The Golden Arm". WTF??????? He gets locked in the closet by Kim Novak. Screams a little. Begs of course, and then at sunrise he is set free and they walk into the sunset all happy, and looking pretty spiffy considering he kicked dope in 24 hours. If I want fiction I'll go to the library. Your words, and sentiment to anyone with curiosity is excellent. I actually saw that film "Trainspotting", and thought WOW. It peaked my interest that's for sure. I thought if something makes you feel that good, and sends you scampering all around town for it then it's got to be great. Pffffffff. If they had a video on you for the last five days that would set alot of people straight right there. Then of course we always say, and think it will never happen to me. I'll just try it. Before you know it we're risking our lives, and hurting everyone around us. Kudos, and congrats, and good for you, and hooray. Please if you have any things that bother you or not sure what they are post to us. You'll pick up your wieght. Try to not drink caffeine if you can. It is a great time to start to be healthy all around. A little breathing excercise, and meditation too can help. You're in my prayers. I'm really proud of you. |
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I'll tell you what to expect: SHEER HELL.
Anything less than sheer hell and you can consider yourself to be one lucky son of a bitch.
Of course...technically, there is no way to answer your question with any more specifics since there are so many variables envolved, I'm sure the others have mentioned it depends on the drug, the amount, dose, duration, your body weight, purity, etc., but to sum it up in a word: HELL
Withdrawal is hell. Your choices are usually either survive it or avoid it. Usually you can only avoid it for so long - short of becoming a methadone patient avoiding it can be pretty difficult, even if you're the richest dope fiend this side of the ghetto it's still usually a matter of time before anyone's connection ends up missing, thrown in jail or who knows what or why but unreachable none the less. You loose a connection, you go through the whole charade of either getting flat out ripped off or buying shitty dope until you finally find the right connect and things are good for awhile - eventually it ALWAYS all falls apart and you're right back where you were, for one reason or another, either your connection disappears on you or your too broke to buy anything and too sick to do anything about it.
My advice to anyone who finds themselves in that endless cycle of addiction - get on methadone and accept it for what it is. If your an addict stop kidding yourself, get on an adequate dose, high enough so that you won't be thinking about scoring all day - and take back your life. |
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Hello all:) Well, it's been a month or so since I last posted here, and I though I would jump on and let you know how it's been with me. I am so much better than I was then, even though now I have a lot of reality to face. Lets see where to begin? Well, in active addiction, I managed to accumulate a lot of debt, $25,000.00 to be exact. And now that I can see the big picture again, it's time to start facing the music. My finances are in a real jumble right now, but I managed to keep my job somehow through this all, and I realize that a journey of 25,000 miles begins with a single step;) Christmas was pretty uneventful, especially since I had managed to discard all my friends in the past few years, because they all seemed to be unneccesary, and secondary to getting and using dope. I'm sure many of you can relate. Being alone at Christmas is not a lot of fun, and though I knew I had a quick fix answer, the numbing comfort of Down to turn to, I somehow stayed clean. I never want to have to go through that wretched hell again, so long as I live. I have to keep reminding myself of consequences, that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and as seemingly good as H made me feel, the comedown was always a hell of a lot worse... I keep myself occupied with cleaning my place, reading and learning new things, watching TV and playing with my cat (I bought a laser pointer the other day, and you should see how crazy it makes the cat when he tries to catch the red dot...;) It's maybe not the most exciting life, but it's clean and simple, just what I need for the time being... Anyway, I am alive, and I can really say I am doing well. I hope this letter finds you all, and finds you all well, especially the three of you that somehow saw me through the darkness, Lovingmom2433, Gettinthere and Curiosity. God bless you all! Peace out, Curmudgeon |
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((((((curmudgeon)))))) You dont know how happy your post made me. When someone comes to the group and then I dont hear from them for a month of so I always think we lost them again because they went out for another run, one more reminder of what they dont want in there lives. WHY is it the one thing that destroys our lives so immensly is the one thing we worship and cherish the most????? You must remember where you were a month ago in order for you to remember where your going. Its onward and upward from here, I can feel it. CONGRATS YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO DO!!!!!!!! Much Love Karen |
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