I want to hide my head. Im disappointed. How is it that i can go 3 years being content only wanting two kids and not having any thoughts on the possibility of having any more until this past month. I erased the last entry out of anger. I want another child. I have so many whys. Why did i allow my self to believe it? Why did i even think it to begin with? This whole past month Ive been telling myself, however this ends up theres gonna be a lesson in this. There is one thing however that I believe i will continue doing. I had the thought to design home decor for baby room. Quilt, wall hangings, mobile, window treatments etc. And last night during my thoughts on the "baby" i had even designed a baby doll using my Apple Angels design. If the only good thing comes out of this is Inspiration, then i suppose i cannot complain. I will use these emotions to my advantage, use them to create, release and grow the only way i know how.

Many thanks Lavendar for a shoulder to lean on. This past week has been much better. With the healing and prayers from so many wonderful people things are peaking up. Hubby is finally speaking about his feelings. Im finally listening. That night after I wrote the entry, I was desparate and called out to him and asked him to help my hubby if he could. I asked God, Spirit and Angels to come do their wonderful work on us. So far so good. This sure was a lesson that its sometimes best to ask for help instead of bearing it all myself. Im stubborn .

 

Yesterday was a fun day for me and the kids. I took them to toddler play, I got to chat with a wonderful lady Ive liked since ive met her. I showed her all my art work that ive been busy with, told her why i had been gone for so long. To end the day I splurged on McDs and we went to the park to eat and play. When we got home Olivia didnt fight a nap, I had 2 hours of me time! So i spent that being in the chat room here, after 2 months of being away from the chat room. I did do a few readings, using my drawings for divination cards. I really have to find another way of picking out the cards. Birdy was right, these cards I do trust, and they were very easy to read, as i know each and every feeling i had when i made them. Pretty neat. They also made the readings short and to the point. Some words just dont need an explanation! Im being urged by my guides to get back in the Practice Den and get some practice. So i suppose no more hiding for me.

Change is here. I have a choice, I can either fight it and be miserable or I can answer the knock, say welcome to my home, would you like a cup o tea? One lump or two? So change, what do you have in mind? And from doing so i have learned much. I have no idea whats in store for us. But i do know this, all that matters is my family and our health. If we are unhealthy at a time such as this, will only make matters worse. A happy body is a happy person. A move is upon us. I knew it, felt it for months. So naturally i start getting all gung ho, need to find this place i see in my visions. Im guided north, go north. I look north, and what do i find? Hungry horse. Another aha! In all my visions, there is a horse that is always eating or drinking. In another vision, contained a swan and lake. I gaze on the map, and aha! Swan Lake. Not even 30 miles away from Hungry Horse. And I cant escape the 3. It plays alot of significance in my life. So with knowing this, I realize how avid i am about living near a vortex. So out of curiousity, i wanted to find out if there were any vortex's near by. Sure enough, there it was, smack dab in the middle of these two places. So that has me curious? Im to go there, i have no idea why. Someone or something is waiting for me, been waiting for me for a long time. Or rather, Ive been waiting and longing for it my entire life. Its home. So will this move to be cloaked in fog? Every significant move we have ever had, included fog , as if protecting us, ensuring that we make it safely to our destination. Im comin home! 

Last night before bed, i decided to use the white light of protection and healing, had read about it and decided it was worth the try, but i changed the words i used, I added that when the white light comes through me and down through each of my chakras, that in the night if any were unbalanced to let me know in my dreams. I dreamt of patching up jeolousy holes on a quilt! lol. There are jealousy issues between my hubby and I. So now i know where to focus my attention and energy. I really like this method i came up with. It actually worked! Great thing was when i asked for others to help me patch it up as it was spreading to fast for me to keep up, they came and whoa and behold, my guides showed. So it is trully ask and you shall recieve, another lesson learned and passed. That move i had talked about coming is here, I am busy packing and cleaning, pacing myself as i do it. Making sure i get plenty of rest and relaxation in between times. And trying to meditate before bed so i can wake refreshed and ready to tackle the next days agendas. We will be moving into a smaller cheaper place so we can save the money for the "BIG" move. Plans are in order for my art business. Finally! Will be going in Jan, beginning of the fiscal year and get my small business lisense, how great is that! Ive changed my decision on the name, it will now include the family name as I want this to be a joint family effort. When the kids are older they will def be included if its to their liking. Hubby is now involved in the art creating as well. We will be working together as if its a part time job. Getting things prepared and ready to become inventory. Im excited things are starting to become reality.

Lavendar, I would like to thank you for the prayers. Im sure they have been helping as i have been much more balanced and a lot less stressed out! Even though my life is def chaotic right now, im still calm and relaxed. For the most part lol.

blessings Nest

I have to say, im not sure if its all the prayers going on for me or what, but my life just took a turn for the positive. Last night i dreamed of looking at a place that had ugly carpet. Then today after i looked in the paper, was an ad for these apartments, called left message, got call back, he was telling me about them and said that he had been working on one that had, lol, get this, ugly carpet and cant finish working on it as the carpet he bought was wrong size! Also cant escape the 3, said he had 3 available units and to meet him over there at 3 pm. He is perfectly ok with our dog and cat. Another plus! Didnt want to lose them. So will see how it goes in the next couple of days. May not disappear after all from mistys! Keeping fingers crossed, I so love this place and would not like to leave it.

I have some awesome news! But first i need to tell the story behind it. Last night hubby finally broke, couldnt handle going back to his job. So he quit. I was freakin out about this at first, then suddenly i got all calm and asked him if he felt better making this decision, he said he did. I told him then its the right one. So this morning he calls up his old job, who have been asking him to come back for the last few years, him always saying no. They say yes we want you. They gave him the job. Whoooo hooooo! His pay will be three times as much as this other job was giving him, so that means, money will no longer be an issue for us. So ive got my home, finacial freedom, and my hubby home everynight to cuddle with me. (he was working graves) And because of this financial freedom, that means my dreams of my business will come true! I knew change was coming, knew that spirit was just getting rid of the negative and making room for the positive. But geez what a monkey ride this was! There is still alot to take care of, like moving and getting things ready for him to go to work with new company. But other than that, things are working out so well. I have to say Thank you to all who have been praying for me and my family, my sanity thanks you all!

I often times wonder about many things. Ive gone into "observation mode". What I see, hear, and feel, I no longer run with it. When i think i have things figured out, it slips through my fingers. I become depressed and wonder why it is that all this stuff is happening around me. Ive stood back, as if outside myself, when these things occur, asking myself, what is this, how can I give trust, to show that i am indeed worthy of the things i desire. In a sort of process, I dont discount anything I feel, think or hear. I think, hmm, and then i put it on the shelf. What i find so odd is that, even though it feels like my life is sooo out of my control, Im becoming stronger. Once i began my observation mode, I recieve answers to what i see hear and feel. Its like, that veil that blinds us, is lifting, the energy around expanded. When i allow this energy to take me that is when i get lost. It clouds my judgement, i lose trust, as if im swept away on a current, drowning in the feelings, thoughts and sights. I lose the ability to tell what is truth and what is isnt. I become emotionally attached to the feelings, rather that try to understand what and why it is. And most of all where's it coming from.

In the process of observation mode, I get thoughts that precede what is to come. My dreams are letting me know the inner work that is needed to proceed on this earthy walk. Rather than go why me, oh why me, i ask myself now, whats the next step? What do i need to do to overcome these issues? Each step i take, the light shines brighter.

At night now, when i close my eyes, i see a bright white light, much like on a lighthouse, searching my vision. As i watch this light moving around, i suddenly go into it, and i experience this intense feeling that i can only be in for just a few seconds before i panic and its gone.

Tobias calls it standing behind a short wall. Seems like it happens automatically at least it is for you.