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| | | From: Sandy1 (Original Message) | Sent: 9/28/2002 4:09 PM |
Anyone out there with kids? I'm a single-parent of a 5 year old daughter and sometimes it can be difficult with issues about homophobia and bullying etc. Just thought it may be a good idea to start some kind of support thread in here where we can offer each other advice & support? |
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| | From:  Bighat8 | Sent: 12/2/2003 10:57 PM |
hi sandy just read your message i was married for 13 yrs to a good man a great provider could of had the world but i new from a early age whot i was [gay] i have a son that i love dearly and i meet my so called partner when i was still married and left my husband my partner and i where together 18yrs i thought i had found my soul mate then she walked out on me new years eve my ex housband is now happely married and my son and i have been dumped the point i am trying to make is the grass isnt allwayr greener on the outher side but i still know whot iam a lesbian denise |
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denise i'm sorry to hear it didnt work out for you, but theres always hope, the right one is out there somewhere. and like you said, at least you know who, and what you are. good luck x cath i dont see 'being lesbian' as just a 'sexual' thing. if your living with a partner, someone who's sharing your life, your family, aswell as your bed, then being a lesbian is a way of life. had i admitted to myself, that i was lesbian, while my daughter was still young, i'd have brought her up knowing what i was, and making sure she accepted this as just another way of life. even if your ex hubby tries to make you look bad by slagging off lesbians, they are your kids, they love and trust you, it'll turn them against him, before they turn on you. and as for kids teasing them... teach them now that your way of life is different, not wrong, just different, and some people will not accept it, and therefore its not a good idea to talk about it in school. and kids get teased anyway, all kids, if its not about you being gay, it'll be cos your kid has red hair, has big ears, big feet, is clever, is well mannered, well behaved.... bullies will always find something to pick on..... and friends and neighbours keeping thier kids away, well do you realy want your kids hanging around with those who are destined to grow up homophobic because thier parents are?? there will be those who stand by you, and these are the only friends you need... at the end of the day, its up to you what you tell your kids, it has to be your decision, as you have to live with the concequence, but here's just a few thoughts to ponder... good luck, whatever you do hugs to all janx |
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I have 3 kids ranging from 9 down to 5 yrs of age .... im an open lesbian and so far my kids havent suffered because of my sexuallity. |
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i've only just discovered this thread, so many wise and heartwarming things being said. i have only recently come out to myself and a few close friends about being lesbian, i agree that its more a state of mind, than what turns you on. my problem is now that im so scared that if i come out to my old man and his family get to know about it, that i will lose touch with my step children... such a big step. i'm also worried about taking my 'own' child away from his father, for both their sakes. life is always full of very difficult choices. just wish jealousy and predjudice didn't exist, life would be so much easier! |
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can i just say i have just been reading some of these ..i never really have looked at this thread before sorry.. i dont have children and i never wanted them,and i dont want them...i have always known this and sometimes on and off i have felt selfish because of this.. but children are wonderful regardless of all the up and downs there must be in raising them.. its very sad the way labels are just enforced on people...and you always get someone in life who thinks they must know you better than yourself?? strange world sometimes.. |
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| Hi sandy  , sorry your finding things difficult i do feel it will get better, I know where I live and work gay or straight peoples attitudes are getting better, i've told some family members and friends. I have always put my daughter first we are very close i broke up with her dad when she was 3 months old shes now 10 yrs and i've brought her up on my own, i'm very open with her i answer all her questions honestly but as little as possible as shes only ten.she accepts me for who i am as i do her.friends that turn their backs on you wern't real friends you don't need them hun.just take one day at a time.if you ever want a chat e-mail me if you want. take care, Love Dor x  x | | | |
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I'm amazed to find this thread still going! A few of my posts are still there at the beginning under the Spaghettisauce name. Just a quick update in case Sandy is still here, wonder how she is getting on with her little one's school? my lads are older now, 14, 12, and 9. There is still some trouble with other kids at school hassling them with "your Mom's a lesbian" type of nuisance, but they are pretty good at dealing with it, their usual reaction is "Yes she is, what's your point?". Trouble with the neighbours worsened over 2003, but with new council and police initiatives in Birmingham to stop Homophobic harrassment, we have had more support, neighbours were given warnings, and now there's no trouble, they just ignore us, and thats fine by me! Fran xx |
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Hi I am a parent but don't live with my children, i lost them in custody hearing. I do have very good access though and c them allot. They are too young to be told about me being gay only 6 & 4 but i hope the wont hate me when i do tell them. It has been a tough 6 months but i feel i am on the right track now. The ex and me are good friends now, that took time but we worked at it. |
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Jenn (Patty's baby) I have read all through this post and think its really good. A genuine and useful post. I don't have any kids myself but obviously have always wondered how it would be and how I would handle it. The main reason for my reply is to you Jenn. Not wanting to move the thread away from what it is meant for, you have hit on something that I feel very strong about, and that is LABELS. What you have explained, and conveyed etc. about your feelings for your partner and all this lesbian/gay stuff, is so important that I hope its doesn't go unnoticed. Most people always seem to want labels. 'Gay', or 'Bisexual', or 'Straight'. They compartmentalise you to make them feel secure. Everybody does it with all sorts of things to a certain extent. But what you have said about leaving labels alone, and just dealing will love and feelings, is so right. Nobody has this label or that label. Everybody is different and every situation is different, so sorry all you label planters, you will have to understand that number go from -infinity to +infinity with every possible decimal place inbetween. They dont go up and down in convenient multiples of tens or hundreds. Well done Jenn. Love Helen XXX |
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Hi Sandy, It was good to start up this thread. I was married for 8 years and have 2 children that I love to bits, they both know I'm gay and so does their father. I came out 3 years ago and have split with my ex-partner who lived with me as she cheated on me for a year! I've felt very lost and isolated like I was the only lesbian mum on the planet and didn't have an out let to share my feelings as I thought no one would understand, so reading through these messages have been very inspirational and makes me feel less alone. We need to chat some more about this I feel!!! sasX |
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hi im a gay mum of 3 children 10, 11, and 12, and luckily they have never suffered bullying due to my sexuality, which may i add i have never hidden from them, i split from there father wen they were very young so for as long as they can remember iv only ever been with women so its the norm to them , iv brought them up to accept everyone for the person they are not the coulor, or sexuality or beliefs, its so good to see a thread aimed at mums,and if any of you live in the west midlands like me message me maybe we cud chat sometimes im in a relationship and very happy, i think its more acceptable now |
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hi im a mum to two kids jade nearly nine and kian who is 2 and my civil parnter has three tyler 5 chris 14 and jo 11. jade isnt a very headstrong girl and she is constantly bein taunted at school and on street with jibes abt your mums a lesbian and who plays daddy remarks and it really does upset her even more so cos things are still very up in the air with her dad and emotions are still very mixed for her where he is concerned. chris n jo get taunted a little but chris especially is very good at coming back at em and seeing em off lol and jo just tells em yea and what!!!!!!! it does worry me the bullying jade gets from it as the kids will say cuz ur mum is gay does tht mean u will be? and its jus stuff n 8 yr old dont need. i am forever telling her not to listen and to just ignore them cuz they just dont understand or they do and are just being nasty but she still takes it so much to heart. any advice would b gratefully received!!!!! this is a brill thread and have read some interesting posts! |
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I don't have children. I knew from the age of say 10 and 11 that I didn't want them. Still don't but children are wonderful. Ms K |
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