| Dear Dr. Fraud, I have just joined a group full of artistic people . The women are gorgeous and witty. The men are macho and smart. I feel completely out of place and inhibited. I really want to fit in. What should I do, to make them like me. signed... Lou Sirr  Dear Lou, I couldn't tell from your letter if you were male or female. Here's a little tip for self confidence, that applies to both sexes. When replying to messages in the group, do it in the nude. Figuratively speaking, you will have nothing to lose. Should you become a figure of ridicule in this sophisticated arena, at least you will be prepared to console yourself... in the manner which you know best. Good luck in the group and don't forget to put a cushion or some protective material on your chair. Depending on how well you are accepted into the group, you may want to keep a large package of Handi Wipes close by. Sincerely,
Dr. Seymon Fraud  | dear dr fraud.. I have this problem.. ya see.. theres a woman i know.. lets call her Shawty.. and well.. she's in love with me.. she keeps saying how she wants to be gettin in my dirty draws.. and things like that.. how do i let her down gently and let her know, that i don't want anyone in my dirty draws?.. in fact.. i don't even want anyone in my clean draws.. i think its an innuendo for sex.. but im not sure.. can you help me? yours truly, Ben Dover | Dear Ben, I have to agree with your assessment, of this young lady's feelings for you. Housework is not a fun task. If she is smitten enough, to offer her services in this direction, she has her mind on giving them a very good cleaning.. You might ask yourself, how she knew you had dirty "draws"? Obviously, it wasn't something you called to her attention, on purpose. You didn't perchance drop something in there, that was meant for the dirty clothes hamper, did you? If so, that might explain the whole thing. She might simply feel sorry for you. My advice to you is... drop your inhibitions about "airing your dirty laundry" and let the young lady's magic fingers do their work. Sincerely, Dr. Seymon Fraud p.s. dated your sister ilene for a while, but called a halt to the relationship, when the rug burns on my knees became infected. | |  ¨kate | Sent: 4/22/2005 12:54 PM | | Dr. Freud: I can't seem to wake up. I'm sleeping all the time and consequently I'm missing just about everything that's going on. What would you suggest I do? I'd prefer to stay away from the bennies since they have a tendency to make me really hyper.. thanks, Kate | p.s. Are you sure you never played with Electric Light Orchestra? You do remind me of Jeff Lynne... my delusions know no boundaries at all | 
| Dear Kate, You didn't say if you dream, when you sleep. Are you perchance dreaming of Jeff... erm... I mean Dr. Fraud. If so, you made need "special" sessions, for a satisfying and effective cure. Sincerely, Dr. Seymon Fraud p.s. don't bring the handscuffs... my hands need to be free to "conduct" the session.  | Dear Dr. Fraud, Currently I am vexed with two problems. The first is impatient men. Can you give me any advice regarding how to calm them 'n have them accept the old adage "patience is a virtue"? Secondly...I am having perplexing dreams....I find myself in wooded areas....on top of dangerous mountains....always in precarious positions....but thoroughly enjoying the situations....Can you give me any insite into why these dreams are occurring 'n how to prevent them? Signed: Longing for clarity  | Dear Longing, Impatient men have been a problem, since time began and they've never worried much, about virtue. This problem can only be handled, in the same way you handle a baby crying for a bottle. Whatever it is they are impatient for... give it to them. About your dream of a dangerous mountain. Now this might seem a little off beat, but try it and see what happens. Make friends with the mountain. Show your affection, by rubbing it's surface gently and in a smooth rhythm. Let the mountain know, you trust it completely. Shed your inhibitions and your civilized trappings of attire. Let nature take it's course, on a wild and healing ride. By your submission to the mountain, you will have actually taken charge of the situation. Sincerely, Dr. Seymon Fraud p.s. as luck would have it, i am scheduled to go hiking in the mountains this week end. It may prove beneficial to your treatment to accompany me and together, we will work on your problem. I will be untiring in my efforts, to bring about a satisfactory solution. | | Turn Page Index Return to Front Page | | | | | |
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