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Pigs On Wheels

  

Well!   It was finally upon us after a year’s preparation,  stress and panic, Pigs On Wheels 1^st Dickin About Rally!!!!  Ok let me explain a couple of things that may not be so obvious.  Firstly let me explain who the Pigs On Wheels are (POW).  We are a group of friends,  misfits and deviants that all have a passion for bikes,  beer and bands,  which leads me nicely to the second part that needs explaining.  What the hell is a rally... Quite a simple concept really,  it’s a weekend event full of bikes,  beer and bands.  This was the first one that we as a club have organised!

Tickets had been sold,  bands had been booked,  the site had been prepared on  Friday.  All we had to do now... was wait for people to roll in,  bikes laden with camping gear,  so we could entertain them.  Our goal was to have them rocking, laughing,  partying and then recovering from all of it,  by Sunday.  And roll up they did!  Over 200 hundred of them over the course of the weekend.  If it hadn’t pissed it down on Saturday morning,  it would have been one or two more... but it takes a certain kind of loon,  that wakes up on a Saturday morning to it lashing down,  that thinks “Ohhhh, I know... lets pack up the camping gear,  put in on the bike and go set it up in the rain in a muddy field. But first, let's enjoy  riding a mile or two with rain dripping down that bastard gap, between my helmet and my leather�?

Friday afternoon was spent pretty much just greeting old friends and meeting friends to be.  We got them settled in for the evening events,  which kicked off with live music from Vera Cruz.  I was getting a bit stressed at this point, as someone had told their drummer,  that they were due on stage an hour later than they actually were...  so he turned up late�?or on time depending on how you look at it.  There was then a lot of pissing about with the sound check and the crowd was getting restless.  Luckily we had a fire eater turn up that afternoon,  who agreed to do a couple of spots for us in exchange for free entry to the rally.  So out onto the patio everyone was herded,  to watch a fantastic display of fire eating and juggling,  whilst the temperamental muso’s were left to their own devices twiddling knobs and doing the ‘one two�?one two�?  that they all seem to do so well!   Eventually they had twiddled to their own satisfaction and were ready to rock the joint,  so everyone piled back in... And rock the place they did,  with Waz belting out some all time classic rock favourites,  to get the evening’s entertainment off to cracking start!

Vera Cruz had got everyone nicely into the partying mood,  by the time they were eventually allowed to leave the stage and get on with the serious matter of consuming a beer or two themselves.  Meanwhile  we got on with doing the raffle.  It was a bit of a fiasco to be honest with you.  Too many people trying to collect and check the tickets and some bright spark had the idea of getting some random child to pull the tickets out of the hat. The kid kept wandering off aimlessly�?.as little people with not a care in the world do, I suppose. At this point I gave up hope and decided just to let them get on with it,  as some things go past the point of repair and have to run there course... so off to the bar I toddled for a pint of the good Irish black water,   until it was time for getting the next band on.

Luckily,   it didn’t take our next group of rockers long to set up,  because they had kindly let us use their PA system for the weekend... so it was just another bit of knob twiddling to get the suitable settings and off they were. This bunch of ragamuffins is so good to watch.  Frank may not be the best singer in the world, (by his own admittance)  but he certainly gives 110% to every performance and he is backed by a good strong set of musicians,  that not only look like they're having a ball,  but play their set of well known (but not run of the mill)  covers amazingly well.  Their version of  'Carry On My Wayward Son'  is just ace,  with Ste on drums blasting out those impossibly high bits,  backing Frank up perfectly!

By the time Ritual left the stage,  not only were they pooped,   but looking around everyone else seemed a bit worse for wear too.  The bar staff was more than ready to call it a night and go home for a bit of shut eye.  It was time to get loud and make everyone drink up and piss off to their tents,  so we could be ready for round two,  the next day.  So around 3 o’clock off to bed it was for us too and after a bite to eat and a camomile tea�?.its all rock n roll ya know�?it was sleeping bag time!

Someone had obviously got the order wrong for the weather,  because we awoke on Saturday morning to the wonderful sound of pitter patter rain on the tent...  but the show,  as they say,  had to go on.   After breakfast and a catch up with the rest of the gang,  to discuss how the previous night went and some general feedback from the home camp,  we decided it would be a good time just to bugger off for an hour, so that our batteries could be recharged for the rest of the day. So home it was for food and coffee in a proper cup�?not together of course!  Riding back onto the site,  it looked as though the weather was going to be not so bad after all,  with the sun peeping through the clouds (that had seemingly had enough of pouring copious amounts of water on us for now.)  Just as well because Saturday afternoon was time for silly games.

The point of silly games is quite simple!  Get big, butch, burly, hairy, scowling bikers to make complete pratts of themselves and we had put a lot of effort into devising games,  that would have maximum pratt making properties!  It was up to Sue and Pig to get the still hung-over ralliers to loosen up and join in.  You could tell they were all just dying to join in,  but had to put on the faces of indifferent  ‘I’m too old/cool/hard for such childish antics�?  There was however,  no mercy from Sue and Pig,  who proceeded to bully and cajole anyone they could into participating (with John on the mike, giving the whole site a running commentary of the goings on)  and before we knew it,   we had a great crowd of hecklers and supporters of various clubs,  getting drenched trying to catch water bombs in a net,  having their feet strapped to planks of wood and racing each other up and down and best of all THE BIKE.  What a contraption!!!!!  Club president Pig had used a cog attached to the handle bars of a normal push bike,  to completly screw the steering up.  If you turned the handles bars to the left... the front wheel went to the right and vice versa.  Arms and legs were everywhere,  keeping the crowd amused and of course,  many of them thinking it can’t be that hard�?.as they see their mate come crashing to the ground�?.and having a go themselves,  only to promptly find out…it is that fucking hard!!!!!!!!  By the end of the games, the sun was out with everyone smiling, chatting with old friends and new whilst enjoying a beer... as they relaxed and waited for the evening’s entertainment.

So after a bite to eat and another camomile tea,  it was back up to the club house to get things ready,  for the last night of the rally.  I had chilled out a bit by this time and we had a plan of action in place,  to iron out any of the hiccups of Friday night.  The main worry I had was that I hadn’t seen the first band, Big Lix that we had on and I was keeping my fingers crossed,  that our club treasurer (who had recommended them)  wasn’t too pissed, when he saw them...  because lets face it,  sometimes the more you drink,  the better a band sounds.  I’m pleased to say that ALL the band members turned up on time,  set up,  did their sound check in no time and hit the stage to entertain, the now full club house.  And what a band they turned out to be!  Geoff had certainly picked a good one and I made a point of apologising,  that I could ever have doubted him. These guys were fantastic,  playing some old favourites, as well as,  some more unusual covers from Pink Floyd and Zappa with class and a style of their own.  The vocal range of the lead singer (didn’t get his damn name but what a nice guy)  especially when he was belting out the screaming high notes was absolutely spot on and sooooooooooo powerful! (instead of the more common ‘if I screech it loud enough it’ll sound right�?attitude of a lot of vocalists I’ve seen!)  Big Lix was definitely down to be booked again for future rock nights!  I loved them,  the crowd loved them and they had a blast playing�?PERFECT start to the Saturday night.  They left the stage having suitably set a rock and roll party mood for the rest of the night.

"Big Lix"

Now for the hectic part of the evening.  Big Lix was getting their gear off the stage,  as our next band  'All 3 Cylinders'  brought their gear on, as we called the evening raffle�?only two of us and no wandering off child drawing the tickets.  Then there was the trophy’s to hand out for the bike show and the prizes for the silly games�? (pause for a gulp of my pint) as we got everyone outside on the patio for the fire eating show again.. whilst, All 3 Cylinders did their sound check.  As they hit the stage,  I relaxed back as much as I could to enjoy one of my favourite bands!  All 3 Cylinders are in a league of their own.  A 3 piece outfit (hence the name) of pure talent.  Each an outstanding musician in their own right and together,  they are just superb.  They so obviously enjoy performing and entertaining.  They do the best cover of House of the Rising Sun,  I’ve ever heard and who else could get away with a jazz intro to  A Whole Lotta Rosie??????  What better finish to the weekend, than sitting listening to my favourite local band,  with the arms of my favourite person wrapped around me and watching bikers from far and wide in all shapes and sizes shakin�?their bootie?

Sunday morning was time to say goodbye to old friends and new,  as everyone took down their tents and tried to work out... how the fuck they had packed all that gear on a bike,  in the first place!  Kwackers and Sue were supplying everyone with coffee that needed it,  as we all stood at the gate waving off a stream of happy�?though hungover…bikers,  as they made their way home to showers,  home cooked meals and beds.  Only then did we all let ourselves breath a huge sigh of relief and let the realisation slowly kick in... that our very first Dickin�?About Rally had been a success!!!!!  A lot of hard work had paid off and we had learned a lot too (don’t get a kid to pick raffle tickets, make sure the drummer’s know when to turn up etc). before we all left,  the venue was booked again for next year,  for an even bigger, better Pig’s On Wheels 2^nd Dickin About Rally.  Looking forward to seeing you all there!  Home,  bath,  food,  bed…ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!  

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