Greetings Alysa
I been Pondering your post for the last few days trying to think of best to help
you get through what you are experiencing.
Remember there is a page with counseling on it that I do and my address for,
my email may be found there if you wish I may be able to help you, even if it
is just a lending ear for you to pour out what you need to in order to move on from the rut,
you seem to be in, with the way you seeing your life at this present moment,
So do feel free to write to me if you wish some help.....
Love and Light 
AmoLuce