4. HEALING RELATIONSHIPS   All of life is relating. With enlightened awareness and the purifying light-fire energy one can move into relationships as a Being of Light, rather than as a "mere mortal". As we purify our intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship lines, we find increasing harmony and rewards in all inner and outer relationships. This chapter includes a meditation technique for working on healing relationships.   LIFE IS RELATING One of the fundamental aspects of human beings is that we have in our natures the seeds of every life form on earth. Our physical bodies are made from the same stuff as the sea, the land, the air and the fire of life on this planet. We are life in action. From conception as a one-celled animal, our bodies grow into the magnificent creature we call a man or a woman. During the passage through the prenatal process, the form recapitulates the most ancient evolutionary trek through the most basic creature forms to our present form. Here is the physical linkage between us and all life around us-our atoms and molecules come from the same source.   RELATING FROM THE HEAVEN WITHIN As little children we have a natural tendency to respond to all life directly with a spirit of awe, wonder, curiosity, intimacy, joy and delight. "Only as ye become like a child can ye enter the kingdom of heaven," as it says in the Bible. Unfortunately, with conditioning imprints and influences we learn rapidly to forget this natural love, wisdom, and goodwill in relationships and become cut off from our awareness of that spontaneous joy of giving and receiving freely and abundantly from the heaven within. The greatest challenge of healing and enlightening relationships is to remove the barriers to the "God-Child" within us. Then once again, as adults, we can experience and express from our heaven within, uninhibited and unburdened by guilt, shame, blame or condemnation. In Actualism, as you have no doubt begun to experience if you have been practicing the techniques presented here, we work directly with light-fire energy to dissolve obstructions to life-flow, and to awaken awareness to the "Actual Self" or Being of Light that each one is. As you learn to heal the scars and wounds in your relationship to yourself, you find that you can relate to others from a deeper understanding and compassion for their conditioning. This is not "pity" or smug "superiority", but rather relating from the heaven within you to the heaven within another person, regardless of outer appearances.   ACTUAL VS. IDEALIZED RELATIONSHIPS Many people spend their lives looking for or waiting for a special someone with whom to share their life. Unfortunately, that's usually about as unsuccessful as seeking happiness. Happiness comes as a by-product of fulfilling a need. If you seek happiness, you will seldom find it, because seeking it drives it away. The same is true with finding a soul mate. It sounds trite, but it is true: when we are ready, he or she will find us. Once we do connect with someone deeply, the work on ourselves and on relationships continues. One of the grand illusions about relationships is that they ought be perfect. We all know the fairy tale, idealized imagery in our culture about riding off into the sunset with the perfect, one true love. When one "falls in love" it seems for a while that the relationship is perfect. Naturally, however, relationships change and evolve. That is why a relationship is never truly "finished".   THOUGHTS ARE THINGS Whenever we THINK of someone, we are engaging in a moment of relating with that person, whether in love or hate, joy or grief, wisdom or fear, goodwill or anger. Thoughts are things, and thinking of someone puts us in direct contact with them in consciousness. Being aware of this interconnectedness through thought with anyone we think of, we can work in consciousness on problems in communication and in relating. We may not be able to change someone else's attitudes and behavior, but we can change how we react to them. In fact, with enlightened awareness you can move into that in you which corresponds to whatever in another person you find annoying, and change how you relate to that aspect of yourself. By accepting with love and light, rather than rejecting and hating that aspect of yourself, you transform how you relate to the other person on many levels of consciousness. Often that will have a transforming effect on the other person as well.   MEDITATION TECHNIQUE Using inner light-fire-energy, we refine and purify our relationships even when physically separated. As Beings of Light, we are actually never separated. Here is a simple, practical technique for working on healing relationships using inner light-fire-energy: 1. Begin by gathering and enlightening your knowing, emotional, and sensory awareness. Think of, which turns on your white star, and let the energy downpour throughout your body from head to toe. (You do not need to spin the star in this session). 2. Choose someone in your life that you would like to work with (at a distance) in this session. Pick a relationship you would like to improve. It could be anyone from a close, intimate loved one to a casual acquaintance. 3. Move with enlightened awareness into your Upper Room, about six inches (15cm) above the center of the top of your head. This is a place from which you can touch into the unobstructed, undeviated union with the Being of Light of the person with whom you are working in this session. Think and let your awareness touch into this union with the person's beautiful Being of Light, even if you feel totally at odds with the personality. 4. Bring awareness of your union as Beings of Light into your brain. Observe any tightening, tension, or discomfort that comes up in your head as you do this. Think and let the consuming fire aspect of the white light begin to process any negative thoughts about that person's ideas and mental attitudes as you focus here on your union with him or her. Your brain and the other persons may have been "out of synch" in a way that has kept you from having a harmonious mental relationship. After things ease up in your brain, spend a minute or more assimilating the purified energy essence here. 5. Shift your focus into your heart and liver. The heart is located between the breasts, the liver is just below the right breast. As you focus awareness of your union as Beings of Light with the person with whom you are working, observe any tension or discomfort that comes up here. Also observe any negative feelings that come up here. Let the consuming fire aspect of the white light begin to process any negative thoughts or feelings that come up here about the other person. Here you are working on your emotional relationship. As things lighten up here, spend some time assimilating the purified essence. 6. Bring awareness of your union as Beings of Light into your solar plexus. From here you can expand out with enlightened awareness of the nerves throughout your entire body. Observe any tension or discomfort that come up here. This is where you can work on your sensory/perceptual relationships. Here differences in perspective and sensory preferences can throw communication off between people. As you clean up any negative thoughts, feelings, or sensations that become activated here while unifying with the Being of Light of the other person, you'll find that you can learn to harmonize with their perspectives. Harmonizing does not mean you have to like what they like, or totally agree. It means finding at least a point of common reference on which to build communication. 7. Expand your enlightened awareness to include your solar plexus, nerves, heart, liver, brain, and Upper Room. Experience the greater degree of harmony in consciousness that you have already established with the other person. You may find it very helpful to do this session from time to time with the same person to re-harmonize when things go off track, but it gets easier with practice. 8. The process described above can be extended to include the pelvic bowl and generative-regenerative systems where appropriate. 9. Enjoy enhanced awareness of your Actual relationships. Problems in relationships are opportunities for growth, though sometimes well-disguised. The more you relate to others as a Being of Light, recognizing the Being of Light that each one is, the more enlightened and fulfilling your relationships will become. by Bruce R. Jaffe, Ph.D. Co-Director, New York Star Center For Next Page