Question from "Wondering"
"From what I have read and heard, it is as if N's don't love, but there aim is to get a person/people to love them. That's why us poor girls fall for them, they are sweet and everything we wanted and they know they have our hearts, then it's like they've won the game and can now treat us like crap. What about you, does your N love you, or did you ever feel any true emotion from your N?"
Reply from Trinity
"You know Wondering, this is a really hard question to answer in a way that makes sense.
I can only relate to my own situation so I will tell you what I think. When I first started out with the N, I was the center of his universe. Whatever I said, he found a way to relate to it, expound on it, so I knew not only was he on the same page I was but a step ahead of me. It made me feel as though I had found someone unique and very special. Because I started to feel a sense of caring for him, I assumed he did too. He never said he loved me, but the things we talked about, the type of intimate things we shared, again made me assume I was special and therefore I assumed he felt the same way.
When all of the odd behavior started, the ignoring, the dismissive can't care less attitude started, I automatically assumed I'd done something wrong. It would tear me up inside wondering what I'd done to make this person grow distant from me when we'd shared so much it was like a bond had been formed that couldn't be broken. And, here it was...being broken. It had to be my fault.
And so the cycle of abuse begins....
So to answer your question, after much soul searching and coming to terms with what happened, I believe N's are not capable of love, but they are very capable of making you believe they love you. It is a skill they have used and practiced all of their lives. They are exceptionally dangerous emotionally because they can twist your mind faster than you can catch up with your own emotions. They know exactly how to 'play' each person they need something from.
The most difficult thing to grasp is the appearance they give versus what is really inside of them. They are simply masters at deception.
And yes, I do believe they feel real emotion but only when it comes to themselves. When you remove yourself from their lives, you may get tons of phone calls, flowers, I love you's...but all it means is they are not done picking you apart yet, they didn't get to finish the job they started, and it is a blow to their ego that they weren't clever or smooth enough to hide their true intentions long enough. Now they have to start all over with someone else. Or, when they have finished picking you apart they will throw you away without a second thought because you have now in a way become them. The empty shell that they can no longer draw from emotionally. They have picked you clean of everything they wanted from you and you are no longer useful.
But there is one big difference between us and the N. We have a spirit, we have a soul. We are capable of growing, loving and having joy in our lives. The N will always look for those things in others because he will never be capable of having those emotions for himself. He must pull them from you. And this is how he spends his life. Fearful that one day he won't have someone to drain the good things from because he knows deep down inside he is nothing.
So, let this man go. Go on in your life and find real love. Love for yourself, love as God meant it to be. You will never regret your decision. And never, not ever, stop trusting your instincts when it comes to people. Your instincts are your best friend and will always tell you the truth. You just need to listen."
