Courtesy: Nickyskye

Reparenting
http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/repar.htm

Hi dear recovery friends Here are some things that helped me:
http://www.controllingparents.com/links.htm

ACON - Adult Children of Ns
http://acon.bravehost.com/

Here are some books that helped me a LOT.

The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Susan Forward
Soul Murder: The Effects of Childhood Abuse and Deprivation Leonard Shengold
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self Alice Miller
Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Hirigoyen, Helen Marx, Thomas Moore
Bradshaw On: The Family by John Bradshaw
Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child and The Price of Nice by John Bradshaw
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney
It Will Never Happen To Me by Claudia Black
Healing the Child Within by Charles Whitfield
The Artist's Way : A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity

Information about dysfunctional family systems and in particular childhood roles for each kid in a dysfunctional/alcoholic family system: hero, scapegoat, lost child, mascot

http://www.angelfire.com/vt/rcwn/Pageforty.html
and
http://ms.essortment.com/howalcoholeffe_rfng.htm

Eric Berne's Games People Play
Claude Steiner's Scripts People Live totally changed my lifer
The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond Patricia Evans
Divorcing a Parent: A Sympathetic and Practical Guide for Adult Children Who Need to Free Themselves From an Abusive Relationship with a Parent Beverly Engel,
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence Gavin De Becker
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

Divorcing our Parents  - Yahoo Group
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Parental_divorce/

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.
http://adrr.com/aa/overview.html
and

How Verbal Self-Defense Works by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.
Emotional Blackmail: When the People In Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You Susan Forward
Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to Do When A Parent's Love Rules Your Life Patricia Love

In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People George Simon
When God Becomes a Drug: Breaking the Chains of Religious Addiction and Abuse Father Leo Booth and John Bradshaw
studying about cult recovery:
http://hometown.aol.com/shawdan/essay.htm
http://www.csj.org/rg/rgbooks/rgbk_recovery.htm
and online essays:
http://narcissismnotebook1.tripod.com/

Robert Maxwell Young's writing changed my life for the better because I could understand important object relations concepts like transitional objects, transitional space.
http://human-nature.com/rmyoung/

Object Relations Theory Description
http://www.sonoma.edu/users/d/daniels/objectrelations.html
I recommend these essays:
http://human-nature.com/mental/chap8.html
and
http://human-nature.com/farrell/chap3.html

Studying Melanie Klein about her "positions" (Paranoid Schizoid Position and Depressive Position) is useful:
http://human-nature.com/rmyoung/papers/pap127h.html
and
http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/klein.html
bio books by ACONs:
Mommie Dearest Christina Crawford
Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah
http://www.adelineyenmah.com/index2.html

Haywire by Brooke Hayward
Ghost Of A Chance: A Memoir by Peter Duchin
Old Money by Lacey Fosburgh
Seeing Ns or Nparents portrayed in movies:
I, Claudius by BBC -13 part mini-series is fantastic an Nparent-a-rama
Mother Love with Diana Rigg playing the momster
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096656/
Dangerous Liaisons
The original Manchurian Candidate
The Grifters
Rebecca (1947)
http://www.screenplay.com/reel_people/personalities/narcissistic/index.html
Concepts that worked for me in this recovery:

Let's see. Understanding that there is an inner child who needs to reparented by oneself and in relation to healthy others. This I learned from reading books about transactional analysis, like games People Play.

Learning to reparent myself and studying how in a variety of books about healing the inner child within.reading books on healthy parenting helped, buying myself a teddy bear and baby blanket was comforting. allowing myself to suck a pacifier for a while helped me stop rubbing my thumbnails into furrows.

Learning that it's okay to blame the Nparent for the abuses they committed, in the safety of the recovery arena with recovery friends. Blaming an Nparent to their face will only incur untold misery and possible stalking or vendetta that may last decades.

Blaming the abusers in the recovery arena frees the ACON to take responsibility for their own life.

Reaching out to recovery friends for validation and understanding and offering that to them in a healthy exchange.

But the rush or moral or righteous indignation that comes from blaming an abuser can be addictive and if an ACON gets stuck in blame, obsessed with nit picking against the xNparent year after year after year, it cripples the ACON into being obsessive and prevents them from making healthy connections with loving, healthier friends.

It may be more comfortable to be enraged with one's Nparent that to face the abyss of depression that comes in the detaching.
http://www.abandonment.net/swirl.frame.html

Reading The Black Swan is deeply helpful.

Taking Prozac for 6 months helped me get out of clinical depression as a rut. I do think depression has a downward spiral that needs to be stopped by taking practical action: eating healthy foods, taking a multi-vitamin, taking walks, putting active effort into creating joy in one's life and not only talking about psychopaths, incest abusers, violence, crime on TV or in the media etc.

It takes a while to detox from years of abuse by an Nparent. That detoxing takes years. The process may put a huge strain on one's recovery friends who can only stomach so much discussion of misery.

In this blaming and detoxing process the ACON learns about having and maintaining healthy boundaries, that were taboo and never role-modelled in an Nparent family.

The learning about boundaries may swing for a while from not enough to too much. Each person has their OWN boundary comfort level that emerges over years of practice. This may also put a huge strain on recovery friendships which are painful when they end or there is conflict.

It's also not role modelled for ACONs how to have healthy connections with others so the recovery process includes learning both to connect better with people and how to better individuate from others.

I think recovery for ACONs comes in 3 stages:
1. 'seeing' the N for what they are and working on external detachment

2. 'seeing' one's own issues as an ACON and working on healing those issues, which results in increasing detaching internally from the enmeshment with the Nparent

3. and then what I call Calyx recovery, which is learning to blossom in one's own life, which can be extremely challenging for ACONs, who may have frighteningly ambivalent feelings about succeeding at anything for fear it may be co-opted or violated by the Nparent or else leave the ACON vulnerable to the Nparent's abuse. I think ACONs need to literally come into their senses, in small, manageable increments because those very senses were violated by Nparents.

Additional added Items
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=
100895&LastModified=4675491744755598806

Spiral of Awakening
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=104210&LastModified=
4675493384412955702

How to deal with an Overbearing Mother
http://www.ehow.com/how_15126_deal-with-overbearing.html

Drama queens, saviours, rescuers, feigners and attention-seekers by Tim Field
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/attent.htm#Methods