Victims may have experienced severe physical or psychological abuse. That abuse, of course, is hidden behind closed doors. Seldom is there proof or witnesses.

Biased or ignorant courts may pathologize the victim and fail to recognize N tactics and victims may find no justice in their legal system. Some victims will now be dealing with the ‘sport litigator’s' endless courtroom abuse. This N will not hesitate to pay top dollar in legal fees to obtain the benefit of the high-octane spotlight of attention the courts/litigation provide. He will not be concerned in any way with your financial/emotional need or needs of the children. The preservation of his image and NS is now all-important.

It may avert a narcissistic rage if he feels that you can still be tapped in future to provide him with quality NS to protect his defence mechanisms.

Spot your N doing something good, then layer on the NS, praise his good behaviour, his custody 'suggestions' (which he will likely never comply with his own suggestions later anyway). This praise is best done in front of other people for added NS. If the N gets sufficient high-quality praise and attention by being co-operative he will be co-operative. If he finds the quality of NS better by being a sport litigator that's what he will do. Ns seek that valued attention - if they can get it being good/co-operative they will do that. He is like a heat-seeking missle - the heat being attention. I'm sorry, I can't offer guarantees of full success here (or any particular strategy), but it's definitely worth considering. Your goal is to change the direction of that spotlight of attention he gets -hopefully to something that will also provide some benefit to you.

We are not dealing with a normal person. We are dealing with a mental disorder. We need to keep that in mind. It can be absolutely essential to reinforce the defence mechanisms (control, power, uniqueness, grandiosity, special entitlement, image) of the N to thwart unleashing hell on his target - you. Attacking defence mechanisms of the personality disordered can be downright dangerous.

We succeed best by reinforcing the N's defence mechanisms. When done publicly by you, the N will then receive bonus NS. Put blame on yourself for the breakdown in the relationship and make that known to others. With his image protected and NS sources available, your N may be amenable to a fairer settlement.

The N will get his NS one way or the other. This will include you, his target, and he will enjoy an extra double-dipping of additional NS he generates from his new "OW" and those he targets with his lies and his often-convincing tales of abuse he falsely claims to have suffered because of you. This of course, is done to hurt you and maintain his 'image'. Your N will very much enjoy the abundant NS he gets by being both the sadist and appearing to be the victim. You face his lies in the court, lies to friends, family, employer, social network, and even children. The N's attitude is 'win at any cost' with no regard for anyone else.

Many members find themselves facing a narcissistic rage and it may be necessary to 'reverse engines' and your challenge will be to find a way to provide NS in a way that supports his defence mechanisms. You know your Narcissist better than anyone and you know in what areas this may be most successful. It may be possible to do this in gradual incremental stages by letting your N be heard and praised for his ideas, acquiesced to in acceptable ways, mirroring him (reflect his grandiosity back to him and others), and allowing some form of contact and/or control over you and providing for and understanding of his particular 'needs'. It may help to enlist others who can be counted on to provide NS to him when he shows co-operative behaviour. Ns don't care how they get NS, but only that they are getting it. The N will take the path to easy NS. However, this will not be an easy task and with a decreased likelihood of successful outcome. The best chance of success is when this is done early in the game of leaving the N.

Why would anyone want to do this? Our objective is to get the N out of our life as smoothly and quickly as possible. In fact, it's a way of offering ourselves up as a sacrificial lamb to announce to the N and others, that we are the guilty party and that the N is indeed, a wonderful, kind, generous, fair person. Given this scenario, your N may be more willing to settle matters with less conflict and extinguish the early sparks that can ignite into a narcissistic rage conflagration. Consider doing this when beginning to end the relationship and during any divorce mediation sessions where everybody can cheer, clap, take notes, record and praise the N for his 'original-thinking, brilliant creative custody/settlement suggestions. Once he's out of your life and divorce documents or custody agreements are signed we can breath a sigh of relief in having 'pulled one over on your N'.

Dr. Sam Vaknin writes.
The other way to neutralise a vindictive narcissist is to offer him continued Narcissistic Supply until the war is over and won by you. Dazzled by the drug of Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist immediately becomes tamed, forgets his vindictiveness and triumphantly takes over his "property" and "territory".
Under the influence of Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist is unable to tell when he is being manipulated. He is blind, dumb and deaf. You can make a narcissist do anything by offering, withholding, or threatening to withhold Narcissistic Supply (adulation, admiration, attention, sex, awe, subservience, etc.)
Vindictive Narcissists
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html

Members report success with this strategy:
How to Leave a Narcissist. The narcissist analyses (and internalizes) everything in terms of blame and guilt, superiority and inferiority, gain (victory) and loss (defeat) and the resulting matrix of narcissistic supply. Narcissists are binary contraptions. Thus, the formula is very simple: Shift the blame to yourself ("I don't know what happened to me, I have changed, it is my fault, I am to blame for this, you are constant, reliable and consistent). Tell him you feel guilty (excruciatingly so, in great and picturesque detail). Tell him how superior he is and how inferior you feel. Make this separation your loss and his absolute, unmitigated gain. Convince him that he is likely to gain more supply from others (future women?) than he ever did or will from you. BUT Make clear that your decision - though evidently "erroneous" and "pathological" - is FINAL, irrevocable and that all contact is to be severed henceforth. And never leave ANYTHING in writing.
Dr. Sam Vaknin Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List
http://samvak.tripod.com/archive35.html