They need like no one else needs. They need so far beyond what is humanly possible, you can't even get a sane mind around it.
They hunt as close to Nirvana as they can find. If you are here, if you were hurt by an N... It is proof in itself of how capable and amazing you are. It's not about being blind, stupid, weak, messed up, crazy, a victim, broken or any such nonsense!! It's because you can give, love, and forgive in a capacity rarely found. Because you are especially attractive, especially good in bed, especially bright, especially funny, especially successful, especially patient. It means you have more of all the good qualities there are.
Look back. Ns don't hunt the average women in looks, qualities, or anything else. They zero in on the best because they believe they are God and they deserve her. We have to work, run homes, raise kids, manage money, make all the decisions, undo everything they screw up, figure them out, chase after their needs that don't end, hide it from everyone, cope with abuse and violation in every sense of those words, and live on eggshells.
We do all that without anything from them, emotionally starved, on no sleep, with families alienated and friends driven away, our stomachs in knots, our hearts in our hands and our hands tied behind our backs while they monopolize all our time and energy. Each and every one of us did it too. No doubt, some weight was gained, nerves were frazzled, hearts broken, souls drained, possessions lost, and lots of mistakes were made.
But ask yourself this... when you were at the end of your rope, your least capable, your most afraid....You still held up 90% of it didn't you? What kind of woman stands in the face of all that, still loves, and goes on so full of heart and emotion in the end? The best kind. If you were so bad, you'd be N free. Deep down I believe it's equal and relative. You are as amazing as your N is heinous.
I assure you all this is true. They make poisoning self esteem an art form. Their survival depends on the level they can succeed in devaluing us.
I'm telling you....you are awesome. If you had an ounce of crazy in you, or selfish, or ugly, or worthless, dumb, or weak, you'd be blissfully happy, off someplace far from the N board, with some guy that lived to save you and take care of you lol. You are here and that means you are rare and capable of the best things.
My theory was threatened because I've seen N's (mine included) take up with bottom of the barrel women. Ouch!! What is worse than that? Not much. But note: that is if and only if emergency supply is needed. Noooo N effort required, no time for charming etc. And if and only if they know you'll see it. It's a devaluing tool, not unlike the rest.
See an N work a new supply for keeps, she'll be someone you wish you could warn. Someone good, someone you'd likely would have been friends with in a different reality. N's leave women for one reason only, period. End of supply. They make it about you, age, looks, emotion, and / or anything they can lol. It's crap! It's because you have needs, you are smart enough to create boundaries, because you have the nerve to want to matter, be heard, exist? how dare we?
Have you not talked to infinity and argued everything under the sun 3000 different ways? They hear one thing... less supply! Less supply?? What the Hell do you mean less supply? And they freak out. You'll never be able to give actual N supply required. No one can. There is absolutely nothing else wrong with any of us.
Christmas is a beautiful time. We all have people that care about us. Maybe we let our N's damage our relationships but that can be fixed. There are children to think of, old friends to find, strangers to meet, sisters here to be with, and there is us. Don't spend the holidays alone or sad. Close your eyes and throw a stick. Chances are you'll hit another person that needs some company. Get dressed up, do the make up, go out, invite people in, just don't worry about "him."
My N trashed every holiday, every year, no matter if we were "fine' or in break up Hell anyway. What are we so sad for? (Correction, every holiday except his birthday lol. Unsuspecting...Relax and study on Christmas if you can't face festivities. Pass the bar, use it to keep your N away from you with everything the law allows. Do it for you. Do it for us lol. Look how many women here can't get the legal help or information they need. Look how many can't find a lawyer to grasp the concept of an N. It's funny. When you're in school and you put your all into a test or project, you fret until it's graded. No one ever hands it in simply believing it's worth an A+ and walks away. We all wait until someone else deems it an A+. We all go along with it if it's a C-. It's built in all through our lives and relationships. Our actual qualities and successes and our opinion of their value, hangs in wait until someone else grades them.
We all N dip and hope and torture ourselves over this silly human nature trait. You don't really feel bad about yourself. You know you're great and not any of the crap they say you are. You just cannot stand that they refuse to see it or admit it to you. It's very frightening to think what if no one ever does? We're not so addicted to N's. We're addicted to A's. All people depend on some amount of seeing themselves through the eyes of others. N's shove that fun house mirror in your face and it just stuns you. You feel so bad because they rip away every other mirror in the world. If you look in the bathroom mirror, you just see how tired and hurt you are. Connect with sane people everywhere you can. Look in those mirrors. You will pretty quickly say "There I am" "Whheeeww" No one can see it alone in tears with only the N popping in to tell you what is. I'll shut up soon lol. I'd just like to say that even if we are not perfect...So What? Who the Hell is? I know all kinds of unattractive, mean spirited, people that are not too bright but have partners loving them to the moon. Hostages and POW's live better than a lot of us do. We all just experienced insane you can't measure. You a little rough around the edges?? So What? It's amazing to me that we aren't all catatonic in a home someplace. So much less snapped them into N's. You know?? All things considered, it's good to be us girls
I've really had it with thinking "What's wrong with me?" "Why can't I stop crying" "I should be doing so much" "I must be a wreck because I can't get a grip" "Why do I love him" I ask you all...How in the world could anyone live this and react any better? Cher dates an N's and gets dumped. Haley Berry, sex addict husband that's an N. Elizabeth Hurley, Hillary Clinton , nuff said (lol, Poor Hillary) .......Help me make this list. If we were in worse shape, the same, or ten times the women we are... we'd still be objects to N's and still be devastated in the carnage they leave behind. It's wrong to take it personally. So very hard not to, but so important. Love your kids, love yourselves, then think very carefully about who else is truly deserving of your love. Make sure your N is not on the short list. No good can come of it. I've lived through so much.
I've lived a long time. I cannot ever remember running into people as warm, wise, selfless, kind, caring, honest, and strong as I see here everyday. Lord knows I wish I'd never set eyes on my N. However, I'm proud to be one of you. Each and every one of you is welcome at my house for Christmas, New Year's, and all the days in between. I have no idea how close or far you may be. If you're up for a road trip, my door is open) I'm a complete post N mess but the food is great and the bar is full lol. Seriously, we have 3 days. How hard would it be to make little groups close to home and make it a little better for each other. Can anyone analyze my mood? haha.
My world is a mess. I should be weeping and spent. Instead, I'm so sick of it all, I feel like exploding. I want to make all Ns burst into flames and make all of us happy and take on the world or something. I've got few emotions today, all closely related to angry indignation. Is this a phase too?? I really thank you all. It's one thing to look at your own personal Hell. It really does something to me to look out at the big picture... to see so many lives ravaged by Ns, Ps, BPD's. I never knew these people existed or how epidemic this kind of hurt was. It makes me want to react and in that, I see small things that I can do. Do in general, do for others. I think I forgot that I can do anything. Sure feels like being dragged through a nightmare with no control sometimes. The small things lead to bigger things and I do remember that I can do them all.
