"Every man wants a woman he can look down on."

"There's nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won't aggravate."

"I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me."

"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."

"A narcissist is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house."

"How does a narcissist sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other."

"How can you tell when a narcissist is lying? His lips are moving."

"What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a narcissist? An offer you can't understand."

"What is the difference between a catfish and a narcissist? One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker, and the other's just a fish."

"What do you call an honest narcissist? An impossibility."

"Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of narcissists? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met."

"What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being."

"Really, I'm the most appealing, sexy, charming, wonderful, most intelligent man walking the face of the earth. Ask all those bitches who left me!"

"Kiss me, Doctor."
"Kiss you? That would be quite unethical. Strictly speaking, I shouldn't even be in bed with you."  

A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex." The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks. The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love." The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?" The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love." The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?" The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love." The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex." "Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"

A Ns wife goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 10 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The woman says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.

Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

Just one, but it takes nine visits.

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?
"How many do you think it takes?"