It's interesting that you should mention this because I've been reflecting on it recently.  My mother is in control of everyones' thinking.  The people in my family (it is like a cult) are so controled by her thinking that her very words come out of their mouths.  If she targets someone for her scapegoating (hatred) they all go along with it.  If you ask them why they treat a targeted person so badly they will not be able to answer you.  She has left a legacy of destruction in my family.  She turned my father against his own mother and sister.  He didn't even show up to bury his mother.  Neither did my mother or any of my siblings.  Who doesn't bury their own dead? 

 

Being her number one scapegoat it took me more than half my adult life to come to terms with her and to understand what really happened.  I have not seen her or her (followers) for more than 17 years.  She still tells horrible lies about me.  It's nuts.  I have learned that the way to recognize evil is this (evil spins their web of lies twisting and turning everything and blames good for their evil).  The best way to deal with this is no contact.  That way you have a chance of a decent life. 

I met xN's mother once. It was all I needed to be fairly certain that she's an N too....maybe a P. She had the coldest expression and the most vacant eyes. And she sat there like Zeus on the mountain, not speaking a word, as if everyone was completely beneath her. She once denied the xN as her son because she was dating a man who didn't want any children. Not making excuses for the xN's reprehensible behavior, but I can't imagine what it would be like to hear your own mother tell someone right in front of you that she doesn't have any children.

My xn's mother was deceased when he and I met.  From what I have been told, by the n and his family, she suffered with Bipolar Disorder with episodes of paranoid delusions.

 

The father was hard-core P.  Abandoned the family quite often while having children with OW, never once sending any money towards support to the n's mother...forcing her to work 2, sometimes 3 jobs to feed the 4 kids.  The father was also an alcoholic, a mean one at that.  When he did decide to come home, it was always in the middle of the night, would kick open the door, and go into a drunken rampage against the whole family.  Would physically abuse the mother while the kids hid in the closet from him.  N told me he use to ask God to make him "bigger" so he could defend his mother and siblings from the abusive father.  Wonderful childhood, huh?

 

The older sister is cold, just seems void of any feelings.  Nothing warm about her at all.  Speaks with a monotone voice and shows absolutely nothing that resembles emotions.

 

The older brother died about 5 years ago from an overdose.  From what I understand, he was the opposite of the eldest sister...his emotions runneth over!  Supposedly, he had a big heart and would help others where he could.  But he got strung out on alcohol and drugs (especially drugs) which led to his demise.

 

The youngest sister is an absolute mess!!!  She has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and is a hard-core alcoholic.  And like her father, she turns mean when she drinks.  Gets violent, verbally abusive and basically out of control.  She cuts on herself, over-eats, and extremely manipulative and vindictive.

 

And of course, there's the xn.  Lord, where do I start with that!    So, as you can see, the entire family is completely dysfunctional.  Sometimes I wonder which is more accurate...that N/P Disorder is inherited by a gene from the parent, or...N/P is bread through a dysfunctional family/environment.

 

Which came first..the chicken or the egg?  Guess we'll never really know for sure.  The only thing that is certain is the evil this disorder unleashes on the world.

 

~Resist~

I am so glad to find this posting....I am going through the process of leaving a "NPD" and through this process I am reflecting and wondering if my mother had some personality disorder and I got the brunt of her CRAP as a young child and that is why I have allowed unhealthy people in my life, it is a very HARD reality for me to see, but my mother was never avaliable emotionally for me and somewhat critical of my well being, which in turn made me a "terrified little girl" I can remember back and always thinking "HOW SCARED" I was of living.   She always made home a "safe" place and the world was a "scary" place and for some reason now at 50 years old through the end of this HORRIBLE relationship with an "NPD", I think in some respects he might of given me a gift of realizing that mother was JUST LIKE HIM....!!  Very hard realities, but in this process it does allow us to grow and see the "emotional holds-cages-manipulation " that people in our past have had on our lives.   My mother was very ill and her mood swings, using guilt, emotions, anxieties, fears,depression possibly psycosis as well as manipulation to get me to do things for her like be her "waitress" sometimes (very similar to my "X's" and I relationship) as well as I am not good enough to engage in life outside of the chains of her and now I see that her illness has affected me in my life that I had no idea.   I think I have lived my life through the her "emotional crap" that does NOT even belong to me, whos EMOTIONAL SHIT is this anyway and why would I ever continue to allow ANYMORE "SICK" people in my life...I have had wwaaayyyyy  tooooooo mmmmaaannnyy  taking care of people, for a long time has given me some sort of purpose in my life, JUST LIKE TAKING CARE OF MOMMY....!! God bless us all for the strength we have and that we have this community.  One of the first signs of healing is to find the root of the problem and I believe my mother is the root of mine..there is some anger in there as well!!   Comin' outta the clouds...:)

 

HUGS TO ALL.....:) We are strong and will be better people because of this.

Like KathleenGrace wrote, N's mother manipulated the thinking of everyone in the family. She enjoyed nothing more than pitting family members against one another, but if you tried to point out what was really happening, they turned on you like pack of jackals - they were completely unwilling to admit that their mother would set them up, even though all of her children hated her to one degree or another.

 

It was a very messed up family.

 

Her husband was fairly useless too - I'm not entirely sure what his actual problem was, but he was always angry about something (usually caused by his crazy wife) treated everyone in the family with undisguised contempt. He fought with N's mother constantly, but more or less didn't bother defending his children against her craziness. To be fair, I didn't know him until all of the family was grown up - maybe he did defend them at one time, but I doubt it. He basically absented himself as much as possible when I knew him.

 

Like KathleenGrace said as well, if you asked one of the combatants why they were fighting, it would be their mother's words that came out of their mouth. If you asked further questions about the logic of it, they would just get exasperated and refuse to answer your questions.

 

In that family there is N, his sister who is probably a Manic Depressive, another N, an H younger sister and his younger brother who didn't appear to have a personality disorder but became an alcoholic.

 

Some legacy to pass on, huh?