NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY

Recently I have taken my friends more seriously after my N encounter! We used to just go out and drink and dance and laugh. I'm sure I'm more uptight in reguard to meeting men, but the "girls" (married) seem to have become unappealing as far as honesty goes. I listened closely the other night as one giggled as her husband dropped off their 11 year-old and sped back to where we were. She said.. "He thinks she's in bed, but she just goes back outside to play! HA HA" it was 11 pm! The other girl joked of her husband being at her mother's house (out of town) and mom gave him a pill and a MASSAGE cause he's gone out every night since he got there and he should stay in! She also jokes of telling her daughter that "she is fat" and tells her to puke after she eats! I've always called her out and said she's rediculous, but for 10 years they were both funny. Now I think they are just F'ked UP! I don't want to analyze them like this!! But I cant laugh this stuff off any more.

Has anyone else felt more sensitive towards everything?? I hope I'm not being a bitch, but everyone seems unappealing as I seem to examine my morals and tolerance more closely!

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Message 2 of 6 in Discussion

From:

mbme

Sent: 10/07/2008 1:33 a.m.

I certainly know what you are speaking about! It seems like every adult I meet has some sort of emotional problem - I am always telling myself not to act pompous, that I have my faults too, and just because I rely on Jesus now to live my life does NOT make me free from my own tendency to sin.

But yes, my exn 's whole family is effed up, mainly for putting up with his immature, pathological behavior. Not that there aren't more than enough indications that there were horrible problems with his parents throughout THEIR relationship. Sam says the N child gets all this from his environment. I believe it. VERY POOR role models.

At least you have friends to go out with tho! Mine are all married or attached and I gotta deal with that. But at least I can go home to me, myself and I instead of a fat little balding guy. (I just abandoned my N, and for all of you who so kindly helped me with lawnmower problem....I found out also that he took my rotor tiller too when he was repairing my lawnmower in the garage)

Anyway, I told him to come pick it up while I was away and he got it...and he broke into my garage and stole a hammer and snooped through all of my stuff and God Knows what is gone. It isn't pricey, but he did it for the effect, I know. Sonofabitch.

But what is gone is gone, I want him out of my life. It was worth a lawnmower, rotor tiller and a hammer.

Best of all, when he called this am and asked if I was going to make trouble if he came by to get the lawnmower, I replied,"Just get your lawnmower and get out of my life".

I went straight to the gym, passing him as he was coming toward my house. I never glanced at him and just drove. After my workout I saw there was a call from him on my phone. He didn't leave a message and thank God for that. It's OVER!

How I hate him. He must think he got the upper hand again, which really pisses me off .Spoiled little boy got what he wanted, again. I still have not decided to press assault charges...the people in the courthouse are the same as him, and I think it would all just be a pissing contest - he said, she said thing.

Anyway, getting back to the point....I recognize true morality now. I have my barbed wire fence all around so that no man will ever again be able to get to me without it.

Thank you all.

Message 3 of 6 in Discussion

From:

withernomore

Sent: 10/07/2008 4:50 a.m.

A lot of times, when we start getting healthier ourselves, we see the unhealthiness in those around us more clearly. We become less tolerant of any abuse and of behaviors that don't support our new desire to live a healthy life.

The breakup with the N caused a ripple effect in my other relationships. I've NC'd my abusive sister who I suspect is borderline. I've learned to detach when my mom tries to be controlling toward me. I stopped hanging out at the bar I sang karaoke at because the people there were not good influences. Most of them drank too much, were unemployed, used drugs, and were bipolar, depressed, or had some other mental issue. I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means, but I realized that hanging out with a bunch of drunk and depressed people without direction wasn't going to do much for me or my recovery.

So I feel lonelier, yes. But I also feel more sane and at peace. I know I did the right thing.

You have to decide what is right for you in your relationships. Maybe you might decide to spend a little less time with these friends. It's up to you.

Message 4 of 6 in Discussion

From:

gladlyx

Sent: 14/07/2008 11:44 p.m.

I'm there too. I used to have the patience of Job! I do not tolerate people who behave badly. I've gone no contact with a number of friends and family. I'm hoping to gain more balance with patience, but there are many behaviors that are deal breakers and I will not be patient with.

I don't go to bars, I don't go to 'chick nite', I don't hang around people that don't acknowlodge the bad behaviors of others as being bad. If someone thinks it's ok for some one to be mean, lie or cheat, it really tells me alot about about their intergrity. They probally do them same sort of things and don't want to be called on their behavior.

Message 5 of 6 in Discussion

From:

plumfrog97

Sent: 21/08/2008 9:55 p.m.

LOL...I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I only have a couple of people that I speak with every now and then. I think after this whole experience with an N and working through my problems.

I have been very vigilant about weeding people out. I have 3 dates in the past 2 years. I have gone on 1 date with each one of them and spent several hours on the phone with them. I very rapidly weeded them out. I think we just get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I guess I should be grateful for the N that was in my life because it has really educated me and given me the gift to read people very rapidly. Any more I don't have to get emotionally wrapped up in dead end people I can look in their eyes and read them right away. It has saved me alot of heart ache.

I have found that I truly have gotten healthier. I don't tell everyone all of my business anymore. I'm alot more reserved! I am alot more straight forward. I used to bite my tongue all the time. Now I just lay it out on the line. This is who I am, this is what I want, this is what I will not put up with. And the ones that try to sneak by and hide their little qwirks will let them out within that first month.

I met a really cute guy a few months ago when I was out camping. Within the first 30 seconds I looked in his eyes and could tell he wasn't going to commit and he was a player. I just flat out told him he was barking up the wrong tree.

That felt so good. I think we flip because we are used to being controlled and now that we aren't being controlled anymore we are in control of our own lives. Wooo hooo.

I'm glad you have gotten wiser.

Message 6 of 6 in Discussion

From:

Wingster2

Sent: 25/09/2008 2:11 a.m.

This goes along with all the positive self-help reading I have been doing for the last 2 years. I don't know if any of you have read the "Power of Now" or "The Secret" or "The Four Agreements", but the authors of these books seem to all say the same thing. Our thoughts create our world. How we treat ourselves dictates the kind of people we attract into our lives.

So any form of abuse being done to ourselves or to those around us now turns our bellies because we hit a threshold of pain that we now longer want to live with in our lives.

Personally, I think that I am still on hypersensitive mode when it comes to this and that is why I am being very cautious on how quickly I allow anyone new into my life.

I know that we all have our faults and I do not want to hastily judge someone because I am still cleaning up my own stuff.

Take care,

Wingster

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