The physical and mental pain is unbearable.  I have already taken one clonopin so I'm not sure how much sense this will make; however the chest pain has still not gone away.  I would have never guessed there are so many of us out there.  I need help.  I can't break away.  He keeps me hanging on by a thread, but a thread that he totally controls.  He'll call randomly to ask me to come over usually on a week night because God forbid he give up one of his weekend days/nights when he's out playing Mr. Bigshot and being hooked up with other women.  He won't take me out in public because it might ruin his reputation.  Someone might actually think he is seeing me again.  I feel like his dirty little secret that only comes over in the dark of night.  He was supposed to call yesterday but didn't.  Now I'm facing the weekend alone and depressed knowing that he is out (with whomever) being the big man having the time of his life.  I'll be home with chest pain in a deep hole of depression wishing and waiting that he would actually call me.  It's all on his terms.  I wish I could break away, but I'm not strong enough.  He MADE me love him then he kicked me to the curb.  No one may read this.  No one may reply.  I needed to vent because I'm sure what few friends I do have are sick of hearing me.  I'm just not sure I can make it through the day...........  If I didn't have kids and bills and everything else, I swear I need to check into a stress center.  Here's to a painful, wasted, waiting weekend.