You are not alone!!!!  I might recommend you also post at the new site - I think more and more people are focusing on that one rather than here.  You slipped - it's ok.  Trust you have the strength to stay away from greater pain, the pain of being with an N.  I've slipped my fair share of times, and although it seems to hurt a little less each time, I KNOW the only way is NC.  Let your body go through what it's feeling...use that pain to remind yourself what life with the N is all about. Pain.  Pure and simple.  Make a list of the things that were so painful to you...keep it with you, refer to it often.  Hang in there!  We're here for you!  Read read read here...it helps me so much. 

Look, Kimbo, you've only done what we've all done, and we know exactly how you feel. We've been through it, many of us have gotten beyond it, and you can too. It feels like absolute shit for you right now--I get it!!!--but you NEED to start right back where you left off, NOW, and begin to regain your strength. You don't have a choice, unless you want to live in hell for the rest of your life, and you DON"T want to do that. Take a deep breath, say a prayer (if that's something you do), drag yourself off the floor, take a shower, go outside, and resolve NEVER to break NC again no matter what....

 

You can do this. If I could, you can, trust me trust me trust me trust me.

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh, I feel sorry for you because it is all so fresh but at some point you have to take control of the situation and decide that you have had enough. Hopefully, this is it.

 

Thanks to all of  you.

I was so strong before.

I will do this again.

If it kills me.