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I was hoping someone could respond to you with some good tips on things to do. I haven't been through the custody fight, so I don't have advice for you. But I do want to tell you that I am sooo sorry for the immense pain that you must be feeling--I can't even imagine. Being told that your baby is going to be taken from you must be the most awful thing imaginable. People don't understand how these N's can manipulate everything and everyone around them. They are so evil. My STBXNH has turned my children against me, too. They are older, though, 17 and 21, and should know better, but they are so desperate for his conditional love that they still are hoping for his approval. I hope and pray that they will come back to me some day and know in their hearts that I have done nothing wrong to deserve their abandonment and betrayal. I can only support you through these words, and I pray that your attorney is dedicated and will follow through in getting another psychiatrist's report. It is unthinkable that they would take a baby away from its mother. Hang in there. Fight it all the way, with everything that you have. You will find you are stronger than you ever believed possible. |
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Cantgiveup Sorry about the battles over your baby. That must be really hard. They really go for the jugular when they use the kids, don't they? The first thing that comes to mind is you living together still. That's a mess. You need to make other arrangements. I'm guessing that would be difficult for you but you need to use the resources in your community to help you get out and safely. It sounds like your attorney needs to make some fast work of getting you some support and you have to really poke these guys and let them know, its important that you have money to sustain yourself and your child. Sometimes they get caught up in their files and forget there are people behind them. Keep notes and record that jerk's conversations right back on him, catch him in some inappropriate behavior, see how he likes that. Get some dirt on the jerk. Have your attorney get another opinion on the psych report, sounds like he manipulated and charmed his way right through that one. Good luck, stay in touch and let us know how you're doing. |
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| | | From: RJ85 | Sent: 29/06/2008 10:53 p.m. |
Oh, boy does this one sound familiar. My NH refused to leave after I filed too. And the abuse simply worsened. Manipulating, accusing. threatening. Tripped every trigger I had, and got to the point where he would send me over the edge and then stand there and laugh at me while I was screaming at him.... I don't know about the Court appointed Psychiatrist and how that went, but you need to remember... Most abusers are former victims and most victims follow the cycle into abuse.... You need a good counsellor who specializes in domestic violence. Here's the difference... The NP insists that they are the victim and have done nothing wrong. Those of us who have been abused by the NP, may have progressed into a "Self Defending Victim" or an abuser ourselves. Being a victim of what the NP does, literally makes us crazy! We come across with all of the symptoms (except the pathological lying and total indifference) as does the NP. It that difference that lets them win! We are raging witches insisting that we were abused, and they are totally under control while they lie. Step back and take a look at it.... It's no wonder they don't believe us. A domestic violence evaluation may also be helpful... there is no victim evaluation, but those who are experienced can do a very good job. You may, in fact, come out as likely to abuse, so do the recommended treatment, and show progress.... The NP will not do the treatment, because they don't need it.... the NP will not comply with appropriate treatment because they are perfect. Court ordered therapy has to show progress. The NP will refuse to address the appropriate issues and show no progress. I know what you are feeling... I took it as far as getting Social Services involved, which, by the way, resulted in getting my children taken away from me too.... I have them back now and the System now has an understanding, but he continues to lie and manipulate. Don't stop the fight! Get yourself and your older daughter in counselling and have it documented! You should have a CFI or GAL or something.. Talk to them somehow without the anger and resentment.... It really works against you... And ask for resources where you can get evaluations and counselling. Hang in there, but get the hell away from him, and stay the hell away from him. Document his Crap and get a protective order! |
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Thank you all sooo much for responding. It has been hard and very little hope of faith helps. These last few days have been hard to bear. I will meet with my atty this week and request a 2nd expert to interview us again. My 14 yrs old is a tough cookie, my son hates me (he is 24 yrs old) I have not spoken to him in 9months but he visit's with my soon2bXN (his step dad) and our 2yr old baby girl. It's a mess, but I am very grateful for the one true friend I have, she belives me. Sometimes, when I am almost falling for his lies she keeps me in check. |
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| Friends are so invaluable. Even our families don't always understand and can leave us feeling betrayed. Thank God for your good friend that reminds you that this is all his doing, not yours. We're here to support you, too. Stay strong-- |
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I am sorry for what you are going through. I have been away from my nex for over 7 years. I wish that I could day that it goes away. It's one day at a time. My older children 18 and 22 speak to both of us and request that we do not mention the other. My 15 yr old son has been with me till recently. His father manipulates him to avoid talking to me. I was trying to be tough and insist that he tell me whats going on with him but he would just respond with "you don't need to know" Everyone wonders why a 15 yr old can't see through this. But, I know, because as an adult I rationalized everything that he said or did when we where together. I find that the courts are easily manipulated and I think that they hear so much that it's just one more story. I am trying to avoid speaking to my nex and try to see my son at his sprorts practices and school. |
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| Please don't give up. I hope that you were granted a second report. God Bless you and your family. I pray that your son will see the truth soon. I am so glad that you have at least one person that you trust. That's all you need to get through this. You will soon find that you will start making new friends that aren't associated with this N. |
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