I did not see this post until today but will respond to individual questions separately.
<<We have subpeonad the records where we order our son's prescriptions and N has not purchased the med's, a few times in 2 years. Ordered for our disabled son by his neurologist!>>
This is essentially neglect by Ndad, if not outright child abuse, especially if the meds are for a neurological condition with potential life-threatening side effects (seizures etc). Document everything, send to lawyer. This shows Ndad is unable to provide basic care for his child.
<<He has been making thousands of $ doing side work and not paying us anything at times. He recently abandoned the home we own and rented a house for the same price as our mort. Without my knowledge (I moved out 2 years ago). I cleaned it up and put it up for sale.>>
This should all come out under financial disclosure. In court XN will have to provide tax returns, proof of income etc. If he leaves out anything it can be subpoenaed from his employer. real estate records can be pulled from public record. It is very hard for N's to hide money or major financial transactions unless they are done entirely in cash or someone else is doing the buying/selling for them. If you know he has had house or other major purchases etc which he "forgets" to mention, tip off your lawyer. The judge can force XN to produce documentation about the purchases, sales, etc.
<<How much should I prepare (paperwork)?>>
Anything and everything. N's often think they can get away with hiding expenditures and may show up with just 20 pages of "financial documents". If you show up with 200 pages of everything under the sun it will tell the court you are taking this SERIOUSLY. Don't forget children's expenses, health care deductibles, therapy for your son if applicable, groceries, insurance premiums, etc etc. Photocopy it ALL and turn it in. If you have enough time organize it by category.
<<How honest should I be about my family etc.? (example: he accused my Dad of being a drug addict, when actually his Father has an addiction his entire life. However my Dad does smoke an illegal substance, not around my Son, my parents nor anyone else sit for my son, and they never drive my son) So if he makes these allegations again in the 730 what should I do?>>
Your dad's issues, whatever they are, are irrelevant to your divorce and/or custody suit. He is not a caregiver for your son. If XN makes the allegations in the 730 tell your lawyer he's crazy. And, even if you have already told your lawyer about your dad it should have no impact . With any luck XN will look even crazier for bringing it up at all.
<<Who should I put on my list of people for the Eval. to talk to? Should I put his siblings who have lied to CPS about him? or just the professionals and people who work with my son and have dealt with N?>>
I would put the professionals and people who have worked with your son only. They have no reason to lie and should be working to protect your child, which is job #1. There is too much of a risk that XN will influence the siblings and if he does, their interview could make your situation even worse.
<<Should I write the history of why we left and how strange and abusive his behavior was? and how it has escalated?>>
Absolutely. Depending on your state and how custody cases are handled, psychological abuse can have a huge impact on custody and visitation. At any rate if you have EVER been afraid of him or he has threatened you, document it. Provide copies of any abusive emails sent to you or to other people ABOUT you. If there is anyone else who can verify his treatment of you, list their names and contact information. These things may never be seen by the judge but at least your lawyer will have the information in hand and can use it to help you if he/she has the opportunity.
I will check this board again tomorrow in case you have other ??s.
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