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| | | From: sbrownie (Original Message) | Sent: 7/10/2008 11:45 p.m. |
Hi. I'm new to this group.
I am in the process of getting a divorce and it has been a very bad day for me. Today is the anniversary of the first date with my husband. While we have only been together a relatively short time, it hurts so much. I am trying so hard not to think about the day, what it means and all I have lost, and I can't seem to do that.
We were married less than 2 weeks and there was a death in my family. He couldn't be here for me. He had to take care of his own needs. Then we talked about children. He was worried his needs wouldn't be met. He wasn't ready. Every time it came up, he wasn't ready. We fought a lot. He said I wasn't meeting his needs. He clenched his fists at me.
Then this summer he became severely depressed. I stood by him and was there as much as he would allow. He pushed me away - he said he loved someone else, he said he didn't want a relationship with me, he didn't want to see me, that he was angry at me, that he wanted his old life back. Then one day he said he was better and loved me again. I asked him to show me. He could barely call me.
He said I wasn't supportive or understanding of him. He blames me. He doesn't think he has a personality disorder.
I fought with everything in me to make our relationship work and he wouldn't fight back. In the past few months he has said and done so many things that have hurt me and he will not take responsibility for any of them. He claims they were all due to his depression.
He left me no choice but to move out and file for divorce. It is what he wanted but wouldn't do himself. He won't even acknowledge that I am hurt.
I am trying to let go and move forward. I just don't know how.
I wish we could communicate. That he would see how much pain he has caused. How do I go forward?
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| | Sent: 8/10/2008 1:59 a.m. |
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| | Sent: 12/10/2008 3:57 p.m. |
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"I am trying to let go and move forward. I just don't know how.
I wish we could communicate. That he would see how much pain he has caused. How do I go forward?"
How?
Day by day. You start by GAL, or getting a life. You have no contact. I know how hard it is, but it takes time to perfect the no contact thing, or it did for me. It takes time for wounds to heal. You obviously had enough so you filed for divorce. Hold on to that.
Communication is not really possible with an N. Pretty much anything and everything you say, will be turned around, and used to hurt you as well.
You need to cut your losses and the sooner the better. I too kept thinking, if he would just talk to me. If only he could see how hurt I am. The bottom line is they either don't care how hurt you are, OR take great pleasure in your pain. It sucks, but you will be so much stronger when this is over.
None of this happens overnight, but the sooner you go No Contact, and remain NC the sooner you will take your life back, and the stronger you will feel.
Hang in there! |
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