HI N3. To an N it becomes "so make me". The N will only do what he is forced to by the courts. So it's a legal problem slow and painful and expensive.

 

Very frustrating I know.

 

 

Thank you for replying today. I don't always have the time to read all the messages on the site and don't usually get many replies but am in the middle of the 730 and have turned in my declaration and paperwork against N. He has our son this weekend and I don't know if he has received the paperowrk from his attorney....I feel sick and worried for my son who is non-verbal. Thank you

All I cvan think to add is that if the N is withholding medications from your non-verbal son, that's child abuse and with your lawyer's help, could result in supervised visitation (at the Ns expense) to ensure your son's safety and health are addressed.

 

Hoping you're successful in this awful nightmare.

 

Take Care

femfree

My N has done almost all of the same things that yours has done, as well as a few other things.  When I asked my lawyer this question, his response was that he will never go to jail.  Never mind all of the provable perjury; never mind the violations of court orders; never mind that he stole all of our savings, etc., etc.  The reason is that by law, at least where I live in California, they have to separate civil inmates from criminal inmates.  The jails are overcrowded as it is, and there is no room for civil offenders, so they don't get sent to jail.  The only punishment they can get, my lawyer says, is in the way of a monetary sanction.  And the only monetary sanction that can be applied is attorney's fees.  So, after everything he has done, including turning my children against me and falsifying documents to try to cheat me out of our company, the only punishment my N will get is if the judge (private judge) orders him to pay my attorney's fees.  I was so angry about the unfairness of it for a long time.  But I think I have finally let it go, and will be very happy if he has to pay my attorney's fees (probably around $100K). 

 

I don't know if the same laws apply where you live, but I think the most important thing is somehow you have to let go of the very righteous anger and indignation that you probably feel, knowing that he will not be made to pay, at least not in a way that makes it "fair".  I don't know how you do it, but you have to or it will eat you up. 

Same story here, many many months delinquent in child support, many times, not paying his share of medical insurance and medical expenses, not paying his share of tuition, not paid or filed taxes for past two years, fired from job, working on his own to hide income, home foreclosed, car repossessed, driver's license suspended, endless, endless and he still gets his visitation and he still gets to abuse and control and terrorize and bully me through our children and he still has free reign to try to destroy all that I work so hard to put in place for our children in the way of school, activities, sports, friends, etc.by not taking them to any of their activities during his visitation time. 

 

He walked into the court hearing last month THREE months delinquent on child support and walked out with a continuance so that I can provide more of MY financial information to determine the right amount of child support.  He will walk back into court in December SIX months delinquent on child support and this judge will do nothing but reduce his child support.  I firmly believe that he will never pay me another dime of child support (our children are 4 and 6) as he actually believes and actually stated that he has paid me enough and he will not pay anymore.  He will continue to manipulate his income so that he can get away with this, and, he will.  He is a mean and nasty bully, never plays by the rules but holds other people to them and he ALWAYS gets his way by being the biggest and baddest a**h*** around and people just give in to make him go away. 

 

I am having a hard time figuring out the way to peace and calm.  I would happily take no money (wait, I am receiving none right now!) to have him go away, but as long as he has a breathe in his body, he will live to torture me, it is his greatest joy.  I actually believe he is supremely happy not married to me as it is so much better to be completely free to torture me relentlessly and without any pretense of civility.  He is happier in his "personal" life as he is married to a former stripper who meets his "needs" in a way that I, the good girl, never could or would.  So his life is perfect and he does his best to make mine h***. 

 

My life, outside of his ability to torture me, is great - wonderful kids, house and job, but his access to our children and his ability to torture me through them, really has a major negative impact on me.  I have accepted that he will never pay what he should and that there will never be justice or vinidication through the court system, which I can deal with.  But I have a hard time dealing with the real problem, which is that he will never leave me alone. 

 

I am as NC as you can be when you share two young children with an N, but it is not enough and not effective when you have to take emails and text messages and phone calls for the kids (I don't talk to him even though he will tell the kids to put their mother on the phone) daily.

 

My only hope is to be able to peacefully raise our wonderful children and he knows this and he will do his best to destroy this. 

 

So no answers from me, other than the knowledge that you are not alone in this misery, for whatever that is worth.  Most days, it is all we have, to know that there are a few poor other souls out there who understand this particular form of Dante's inferno.