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| | | From: Free Angel (Original Message) | Sent: 9/11/2008 4:12 p.m. |
Really dont know where to start with this one. After a seperation and then a divorce from the N. Great times were had I must admit. Then out of the blue he asked me to start dating again. Like a blind fool I agreed, tangled up with the lovliness of the new him!!! *(how wrong was I) The calls stopped, 2 days later hes with another lady, 2 weeks later he is engaged, 2 months later they are all moved in together, her children are calling him Daddy. She is verbally bashing me on facebook, bebo (all infront of my children) saying what a failiure I am bla bla bla. How she is thankful she is to me for being such a bad wife and how dare I continue to use his surname. (I was married to him for 12 yrs she met him on line in August!! ) I have now removed her and him from my childrens profiles and also blocked them. she was writing how wonderful it was with her kids new nanny and grandad, (my ex husbands parents) whilst my kids just see all of this awful stuff going on. Obviously its stopped now as I have removed them from it, but her direct contact to me via email has not. My daughter still wants a relationship with her dad. The girlfriend i know is as spiteful as him, they completely deserve each other. My dilema is visitation, my son does not want anything to do with them. He is hurt and feels rejected. my daughter has been invited for christmas, but do I really want her to be in such a destuctive environment. This is just the tip of the iceberg. He is in the army and I am planning to see his Unit welfare Officer tomorrow so they can pull him into line. (he tells me that he has no control what she does!!!) I am driven to dispair, I could understand if i wanted to get back with him but i would rather drink bleach than have him back in my life. i want to be able to get on with my life. My 12 yr old daughter wants to see him, that not the problem its the negativity that his new relationship will bring. Help, I am drowing in all of this |
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Wow--With the speed of the intensity of that relationship, you can be sure that it won't last very long, so that's one good thing. All she is seeing right now is the mask that he is showing her, but when she's sees his REAL self, which she will, you can be sure that she'll be gone. Unfortunately, you can't keep your children from seeing their dad (unless the court ordered sole custody with no visitation), so you just have to grin and bear it. Even though you know it would be better for them not to be in that environment, you cannot keep them away. You don't want him bringing you up on charges of contempt. All you can do is keep the visits as short as your custody agreement allows, and keep the lines of communication WIDE open with your kids, so that they know they can talk to you about it without you bad-mouthing either him or his gf. Even if they talk about how awful he or she is, it's better to not reinforce that idea, but to talk about what specifically they did that was wrong, and why it's wrong to hurt other people like that. Your children will come to respect you more that way when they are older and they can look back and say that mom never said or did those awful things that dad did. They still love him as their dad, even if they hate what he is doing and/or saying. Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll be sent oversees and then the kids won't have to see him for a period of time! Wishing you loads of strength to deal with this-- |
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