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Hi, I am from the Ottawa region. My nephew influenced me to bail him out on a minor charge 3 weeks ago. He came to live at my place for a period of 13 days. In that time I had a chance to observe some very disturbing behaviours. I knew after a few days that he had a psychological problem but I thought he was suffering from a bipolar disorder because there is a history of that disease in our family. He is 19 years old and very smart in all the wrong ways..... During his stay here I noticed that he had a very volatile personality. He was trying to influence me in all aspects of my life. He is also very religiously preoccupied. My goal here was to find out what was wrong with him since he has been making my sister so miserable for a lot of years. She threw him out of her home 3 years ago but he still has a lot of power over her. He had a few very violent episodes with me. I played his game for all the time he was here so he wouldn't take off on me. He was out on a 2000.00 bail and never followed any of the conditions on his bail bond. I arranged in secret to go visit my cousin with him last Sunday. She is a psychiatric nurse at psych emergency Ottawa General Hospital. I had asked her to try to press his buttons since his behaviours were always manifesting themselves when we were alone. He blew up and Assaulted me. I managed to restrain him until the police took him to The Ottawa Civic Hospital for a psych evaluation. They told us he was a sociopath and released him with some bus tickets. the next day I went to the Court,cancelled my bond and got an arrest warrant for him. He came right back to my place and was arrested and put in jail. I was wondering if you could help me with some insight as to what my next step would be. I asked the crown attorney by writing to have a forensic evaluation performed on him. I don't know if the judicial system will take care of him but I am taking all the steps I can think of to protect my family and friends from his influence. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you for your attention. 1. He told me he would be back for me and my cousin during one of his rages. How worried should I be that he will go through with his threats? |
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| | From:  samvak | Sent: 11/10/2004 2:03 p.m. |
Happy Thanksgiving, Yves, and welcome aboard. You should be very worried and take every conceivable precaution - from installing an alarm system to informing your local law enforcement authorities. Your nephew is a dangerous (violent) psychopath (suffers from an Antisocial Personality Disorder). He is very likely to hold you directly responsible for his recent incarceration and come after you or your nearest and dearest with the express purpose of harming you bodily. Some background information about psychopaths: NPD ( Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders (such as the Borderline, Histrionic, or Antisocial personality disorders). This is called "co-morbidity". It is also often accompanied by substance abuse and other reckless and impulsive behaviors and this is called "dual diagnosis". Psychopaths or Sociopaths are the old names for Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD). The line between NPD and AsPD is very thin. AsPD may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of NPD. The important differences between narcissism and the antisocial personality disorder are: - Inability or unwillingness to control impulses (AsPD);
- Enhanced lack of empathy on the part of the psychopath;
- The psychopath's inability to form relationships, not even narcissistically twisted relationships, with other humans;
- The psychopath's total disregard for society, its conventions, social cues and social treaties.
Top: Health: Mental Health: Disorders: Personality: Antisocial (3)
| Antisocial Personality Disorder and Psychopathy | | People suffering from the Antisocial Personality Disorder were formerly called "psychopaths" or, more colloquially, "sociopaths". Some scholars, such as David Hare, still distinguish psychopathy from mere antisocial behavior.
Psychopathy becomes evident in early adolescence and, though it is considered chronic, it often remits with age, usually by the fourth or fifth decade of life. Criminal behavior abates by that time as do substance abuse and other antisocial patterns of conduct. This - and the fact that personality disorders are common among members of the psychopath's immediate family - indicates that the Antisocial Personality Disorder may have a genetic or hereditary determinant.
| | Characteristics and Traits | | Psychopaths regard other people as mere objects to be manipulated - as instruments, tools, or sources of benefits and utility. They have no problem grasping ideas - but find it difficult to perceive other people's ability to conceive of ideas, to have their own needs, emotions, and preferences.
The psychopath rejects other people's rights and his commensurate obligations. The "social contract" and conventional morality do not apply to him. His immediate gratification takes precedence over the needs, preferences, and emotions of even his nearest and dearest.
Psychopaths rationalize their behavior and intellectualize it, showing an utter dysfunction of conscience and the absence of remorse for hurting or defrauding others.
Their (primitive) defence mechanisms are overpowering. They intellectualize their criminal behaviour, view the world - and people in it - as "all good" or "all evil", project their own shortcomings unto others and force others to behave the way they expect them to ("projective identification"). To them, people are mere instruments, or functions. They lack empathy and are very exploitative. In this, they closely resemble narcissists.
The psychopath - especially if s/he also has narcissistic traits - is unable to adapt to society and its norms. Hence the criminal acts, the deceitfulness and identity theft, the use of aliases, the constant lying, and the conning of even his nearest and dearest for gain or pleasure. Psychopaths are unreliable and do not honor their undertakings, obligations, and responsibilities. They rarely hold a job for long or repay their debts.
Psychopaths are irresponsible and never fulfil "contracts" they have signed or agreements, verbal and written, they have made. Psychopaths have no "honour", let alone a "word of honour". They never regret or forget a thing.They are vindictive, remorseless, ruthless, driven, and dangerous.
Always in conflict with authority and frequently on the run, psychopaths possess a limited time horizon and seldom make medium or long term plans. They are impulsive and reckless, aggressive, violent, irritable, and, sometimes, the captives of magical thinking, believing themselves to be immune to the consequences of their own actions.
Thus, psychopaths often end up in jail, having repeatedly flouted social norms and codified laws. Partly to avoid this fate and evade the law and partly to extract material benefits from unsuspecting victims, psychopaths habitually lie, steal others' identities, deceive, use aliases, and con for "personal profit or pleasure" as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual puts it.
| | Cultural and Social Considerations | | Formerly known as "psychopathy", this is one of the most controversial mental health diagnoses. Does non-conformity, however antisocial and calamitous its consequences, amount to mental illness? Are the lack of conscience or empathy the markers of a pathology? Some scholars decry this diagnosis as a tool of social control which allows the establishment to label and confine troublemakers and society to stash away eccentrics, criminals, and deviants.
| Based on: - http://faculty.ncwc.edu/toconnor/428/428lect16.htm - Antisocial Personality, Sociopathy and Psychopathy
- http://www.wellcome.ac.uk/en/1/awtpubnwswnoi25res1.html - Mad, bad or ill?
- http://human-nature.com/nibbs/01/psychopathy.html - The Origins of Violence: Is Psychopathy an Adaptation
- http://www.popmatters.com/columns/vaknin/030205.shtml - Psychopathy and Serial Killers
- http://samvak.tripod.com/talent.html - The Talented Mr. Ripley (Review with overview of the disorder)
VIOLENCE | Pathological narcissism is a spectrum of disorders. People suffering from the full blown, all-pervasive, personality distorting mental health disorder known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - are, indeed, more prone to violence than others. Actually, the differential diagnosis (=the difference) between NPD and AsPD (Antisocial PD, psychopaths) is very blurred. Most psychopaths have narcissistic traits and many a narcissist are also sadists. Both types are devoid of empathy, are remorseless, ruthless, and relentless in their pursuit of their goals (the narcissist's goal is narcissistic supply or the avoidance of narcissistic injury). Narcissists often use verbal and psychological abuse and violence against those closest to them. Some of them move from abstract aggression (the emotion leading to violence and permeating it) to the physically concrete sphere of violence. Many narcissists are also paranoid and vindictive. They aim to punish (by tormenting) and destroy the source of their frustration and pain. There are only two ways of coping with vindictive narcissists: 1. To Frighten Them Narcissists live in a state of constant rage, repressed aggression, envy and hatred. They firmly believe that everyone is like them. As a result, they are paranoid, suspicious, scared and erratic. Frightening the narcissist is a powerful behavior modification tool. If sufficiently deterred �?the narcissist promptly disengages, gives up everything he was fighting for and sometimes make amends. To act effectively, one has to identify the vulnerabilities and susceptibilities of the narcissist and strike repeated, escalating blows at them �?until the narcissist lets go and vanishes. Example: If a narcissist is hiding a personal fact �?one should use this to threaten him. One should drop cryptic hints that there are mysterious witnesses to the events and recently revealed evidence. The narcissist has a very vivid imagination. Let his paranoia do the rest. The narcissist may have been involved in tax evasion, in malpractice, in child abuse, in infidelity �?there are so many possibilities, which offer a rich vein of attack. If done cleverly, noncommittally, gradually, in an escalating manner �?the narcissist crumbles, disengages and disappears and lowers his profile thoroughly in the hope of avoiding hurt and pain. Most narcissists have been known to disown and abandon a whole PNS (pathological narcissistic space) in response to a well-focused campaign by their victims. Thus, a narcissist may leave town, change a job, desert a field of professional interest, avoid friends and acquaintances �?only to secure relief from the unrelenting pressure exerted on him by his victims. I repeat: most of the drama takes place in the paranoid mind of the narcissist. His imagination runs amok. He finds himself snarled by horrifying scenarios, pursued by the vilest "certainties". The narcissist is his own worst persecutor and prosecutor. You don't have to do much except utter a vague reference, make an ominous allusion, delineate a possible turn of events. The narcissist will do the rest for you. He is like a little child in the dark, generating the very monsters that paralyze him with fear. Needless to add that all these activities have to be pursued legally, preferably through the good services of law offices and in broad daylight. If done in the wrong way �?they might constitute extortion or blackmail, harassment and a host of other criminal offences. 2. To Lure Them The other way to neutralize a vindictive narcissist is to offer him continued narcissistic supply until the war is over and won by you. Dazzled by the drug of narcissistic supply �?the narcissist immediately becomes tamed, forgets his vindictiveness and triumphantly takes over his "property" and "territory". Under the influence of narcissistic supply, the narcissist is unable to tell when he is being manipulated. He is blind, dumb and deaf to all but the song of the NS sirens. You can make a narcissist do ANYTHING by offering, withholding, or threatening to withhold narcissistic supply (adulation, admiration, attention, sex, awe, subservience, etc.).
Interview with Lehr Beidelschies Q: What is your background with NPD? A: The content of my Web site are based on correspondence since 1996 with hundreds of people suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (narcissists) and with thousands of their family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues. I am the author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited. (number 1 bestseller in its category in Barnes and Noble). The Web site "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" is an Open Directory Cool Site and a Psych-UK recommended Site. I am not a mental health professional though I am certified in psychological counseling techniques by Brainbench. I am the editor of Mental Health Disorders categories in the Open Directory Project and on Mentalhelp.net. I have my own websites about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and about relationships with abusive narcissists here and in HealthyPlace. You can read my work on many other Web sites: Mental Health Matters, Mental Health Sanctuary, Mental Health Today, Kathi's Mental Health Review and others. I am also the editor of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder topic, the Verbal and Emotional Abuse topic, and the Spousal Abuse and Domestic Violence topic, all three on Suite101, as well as the moderator of the Narcissistic Abuse List and other mailing lists (c. 5000 members). I write a column for Bellaonline on Narcissism and Abusive Relationships. Q: Have you ever encountered someone with NPD who had extreme violent behavior as a result of the disorder? A: It is difficult to say whether as a direct result of the disorder or of other psychological dynamics but, yes, I came across people who were either diagnosed with NPD, or struck me as suffering from NPD and who were also violent. They inhabited the seam between the narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders (between pathological narcissism and psychopathy). Q: If so, what often triggered this behavior? Could you perhaps provide some examples? A: Invariably, violent behavior was triggered by frustration, perceived to be a threat to the integrity and veracity of the False Self. In other words, if the narcissist could not achieve gratification, or was criticized, or encountered resistance and disagreement - he tended to turn violent. He felt that his grandiose fantasies were being undermined and that his sense of entitlement due to his uniqueness is challenged. this often happens in prison where the atmosphere is paranoid and every slight, real or imaginary, is magnified to the point of narcissistic injury. Q: How easy is it for most narcissists to be pushed into violence? A: Pathological narcissism rarely appears in isolation. It is usually co-morbid with other personality or mental health disorders. Substance abuse and other forms of reckless behavior are common. The best predictor is past violence. But it is safe to say that narcissists who also abuse alcohol or drugs and who have been diagnosed with psychopathy or the antisocial personality disorder are very likely to be consistently violent in different settings. Q: After committing a violent act, how will the narcissist deal with his/her actions? A: The narcissist has alloplastic defences. He does not accept responsibility for his actions. He accuses others or the world at large for provoking or aggravating his outbursts of violent behaviour. He feels immune to the consequences of his actions by virtue of his inbred superiority and entitlement. Narcissists are also mildly dissociative. They sometimes go through depersonalization and derealization. In other words, some narcissists sort of "watch themselves" and their life from the outside, as one would a movie. Such narcissists do not feel fully and truly responsible for their acts of violence. "I don't know what came over me" - is their frequent refrain. Q: Do you know of any instances where a person with NPD has murdered as a result of his/her outbursts? A: Many serial killers have been diagnosed as narcissists - but I personally am not acquainted with one personally (laughing). You may wish to quote from this: http://samvak.tripod.com/serialkillers.html Q: What kind of background shapes a violent narcissists? Is there any difference to that of a narcissist with less violent tendencies? Is there such a thing? A: There is no research pertaining to this question. From my experience, violent narcissists come from dysfunctional and abusive families. There are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humor, or consistently tactless - is to abuse. To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore - are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Narcissists who have been exposed in childhood to abusive behaviours by parents, caregivers, teachers, other role models, or even by peers would tend to propagate the abuse and behave aggressively, if not violently. Q: What about the victims of crimes committed by narcissists? Is it often someone they know? A: Not necessarily. Any person - known to the narcissist or not - who is perceived by the narcissist to be a source of frustration is in danger of becoming the victim of violence. If you disagree with the narcissist, criticize him, or deny him the unfettered and instantaneous fulfillment of his wishes - you become his enemy and the target of his unwelcome attentions. Q: Are the treatments for violent narcissists different from those of non-violent narcissists? A: Only in adding specific medication to the mix of talk therapy and medicines which are used in treating NPD. Q: To your knowledge, has the presence of NPD ever been used as a defence for criminals in the court system? A: Suffering from a personality disorder does not constitute a defence in any country I know of. It is often raised as a mitigating circumstance but never as a defence. Nor, at least in the case of pathological narcissism, can be used as one. Narcissists are fully aware of the difference between right and wrong and are fully capable of controlling their impulses. They simply do not care enough about their victims to do so. They lack empathy, are exploitative, feel entitled and superior and thus regard other people as objects or as extensions of themselves.
Guns and Narcissists Q: Should I tell my narcissist that I have a concealed weapon? I want to deter him. A: My advice is to conceal the weapon both physically and verbally. For two reasons: One, narcissists are paranoids. NPD is often co-morbid with PPD (Paranoid PD). The presence of a weapon confirms their worst persecutory delusions and often tips them over the edge. The second reason has to do with the balance of power (or rather balance of terror) complex. In his mind, the narcissist is superior in every way. This fantasized and grandiose superiority is what maintains the precarious equilibrium of his personality. A gun - the virile symbol that it is - upsets the power relations in favor of the victim. It is a humiliation, a failure, a mockery, a defying challenge. The narcissist will likely seek to restore the previous poise by "diminishing" his opponent and "containing" the menace. In other words, the presence of a gun guarantees conflict - sometimes a potentially lethal one. As the narcissist - now terrified by his own deranged persecutory phantasms - seeks redress, he may resort to the physical elimination of the source of his frustration (to battering, or worse). ADDITIONAL RESOURCES NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and AsPD (Antisocial Personality
Disorder)
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq15.html
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq82.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq45.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq57.html
http://open-site.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Personality/Antisocial/
Narcissism on Crime TV
http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/gerald_stano/4.html?sect=2
Crime and Terrorism
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/serialkillers.html (PopMatters.com)
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/12.html (The Idler)
Corporate Narcissism
http://www.suite101.com/bulletin.cfm/6514/10621 (New York Times)
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/corporatenarcissism.html (United Press
International - Part I, Part II)
http://www.nypress.com/16/7/news&columns/feature.cfm (New York Press)
Listen to "Psychopaths in Suits" on Australia's ABC Radio
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/mod/bbing_18072004_2856.ram
Or read the transcript here:
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/stories/s1158704.htm
Abusive Relationships
http://www.suite101.com/topic_page.cfm/6514/2051
http://www.suite101.com/bulletin.cfm/18046/12847
Mirror, Mirror ... (Toronto Sun)
http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/TorontoSun/Lifestyle/2004/08/30/608650.html
Thank you again. Have a safe, warm, and productive week.
Sam
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2. I still have all his belongings in my possession. How should I arrange to return his things to him without putting myself at risk? |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 12/10/2004 1:43 p.m. |
Hi, Yves, Do whatever you can to avoid contact with him. Forward all his belongings to his mother and make sure that he knows where look for there once he is out. Here are some general tips: How to cope with an abuser? Sometimes it looks hopeless. Abusers are ruthless, immoral, sadistic, calculated, cunning, persuasive, deceitful - in short, they appear to be invincible. They easily sway the system in their favor. Here is a list of escalating countermeasures. They represent the distilled experience of thousands of victims of abuse. They may help you cope with abuse and overcome it. Not included are legal or medical steps. Consult an attorney, an accountant, a therapist, or a psychiatrist, where appropriate. (1a) Insist on Your Boundaries �?/SPAN> Resist Abuse -
Refuse to accept abusive behavior. Demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences, and priorities. -
If things get rough- disengage, involve law enforcement officers, friends and colleagues, or threaten him (legally). -
Be yourself. Don't misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities, and red lines. (1b) Mirror His Behavior Mirror the narcissist’s actions and repeat his words. If, for instance, he is having a rage attack �?rage back. If he threatens �?threaten back and credibly try to use the same language and content. If he leaves the house �?leave it as well, disappear on him. If he is suspicious �?act suspicious. Be critical, denigrating, humiliating, go down to his level. (1c) Frighten Him Identify the vulnerabilities and susceptibilities of the narcissist and strike repeated, escalating blows at them. If a narcissist has a secret or something he wishes to conceal �?use your knowledge of it to threaten him. Drop cryptic hints that there are mysterious witnesses to the events and recently revealed evidence. Do it cleverly, noncommittally, gradually, in an escalating manner. Let his imagination do the rest. You don't have to do much except utter a vague reference, make an ominous allusion, delineate a possible turn of events. Needless to add that all these activities have to be pursued legally, preferably through the good services of law offices and in broad daylight. If done in the wrong way �?they might constitute extortion or blackmail, harassment and a host of other criminal offences. (1d) Lure Him Offer him continued Narcissistic Supply. You can make a narcissist do anything by offering, withholding, or threatening to withhold Narcissistic Supply (adulation, admiration, attention, sex, awe, subservience, etc.). (1e) Play on His Fear of Abandonment If nothing else works, explicitly threaten to abandon him. You can condition the threat ("If you don't do something or if you do it �?I will desert you"). The narcissists perceives the following as threats of abandonment, even if they are not meant as such: - Confrontation, fundamental disagreement, and protracted criticism
- When completely ignored
- When you insist on respect for your boundaries, needs, emotions, choices, preferences
- When you retaliate (for instance, shout back at him).
(2c) Refuse All Contact - Be sure to maintain as much contact with your abuser as the courts, counsellors, mediators, guardians, or law enforcement officials mandate.
- Do NOT contravene the decisions of the system. Work from the inside to change judgments, evaluations, or rulings �?/SPAN> but NEVER rebel against them or ignore them. You will only turn the system against you and your interests.
- But with the exception of the minimum mandated by the courts �?/SPAN> decline any and all gratuitous contact with the narcissist.
- Do not respond to his pleading, romantic, nostalgic, flattering, or threatening e-mail messages.
- Return all gifts he sends you.
- Refuse him entry to your premises. Do not even respond to the intercom.
- Do not talk to him on the phone. Hang up the minute you hear his voice while making clear to him, in a single, polite but firm, sentence, that you are determined not to talk to him.
- Do not answer his letters.
- Do not visit him on special occasions, or in emergencies.
- Do not respond to questions, requests, or pleas forwarded to you through third parties.
- Disconnect from third parties whom you know are spying on you at his behest.
- Do not discuss him with your children.
- Do not ask him for anything, even if you are in dire need.
- When you are forced to meet him, do not discuss your personal affairs �?/SPAN> or his.
- Relegate any inevitable contact with him �?/SPAN> when and where possible �?/SPAN> to professionals: your lawyer, or your accountant.
Take care. Sam |
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3. I have made a copy of his drawings and writtings and put it on a CD rom. Do you think it could be an important deterant for keeping him away from us? |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 13/10/2004 1:05 p.m. |
Hi, Yves, I am sorry but I don't understand your question. What drawings and writings? And why would copying them to a CD-ROM deter him? Are they evidence? Can these drawings and writings lead to his arrest? If they are and you have not disclosed them to the police, this makes you an accessory before of after the fact. You should immediately give them to the relevant law enforcement authorities. If you explicitly threaten him with these drawings and writings - you are again committing a crime (extortion). I advise you to hire an attorney to handle all your future transactions and all contact with this young and extremely dangerous man. Take care. Sam |
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4. If the judicial system performs a forensic evaluation on him what will they do with him if it proves without a doubt that he is a psychopath? |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 14/10/2004 2:18 p.m. |
Hi, Yves, "What will they do with him if it proves without a doubt that he is a psychopath?" Nothing. It is not a crime to be a psychopath. More about testing and therapy: It is clear that each abuser requires individual psychotherapy, tailored to his specific needs �?/SPAN> on top of the usual group therapy and marital (or couple) therapy. At the very least, every offender should be required to undergo the following tests to provide a complete picture of his personality and the roots of his unbridled aggression. In the court-mandated evaluation phase, you should insist to first find out whether your abuser suffers from mental health disorders. These may well be the �?/SPAN> sometimes treatable �?/SPAN> roots of his abusive conduct. A qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from a personality disorder only following lengthy tests and personal interviews. The predictive power of these tests �?/SPAN> often based on literature and scales of traits constructed by scholars �?/SPAN> has been hotly disputed. Still, they are far preferable to subjective impressions of the diagnostician which are often amenable to manipulation. By far the most authoritative and widely used instrument is the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory-III (MCMI-III) �?/SPAN> a potent test for personality disorders and attendant anxiety and depression. The third edition was formulated in 1996 by Theodore Millon and Roger Davis and includes 175 items. As many abusers show narcissistic traits, it is advisable to universally administer to them the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) as well. Many abusers have a borderline (primitive) organization of personality. It is, therefore, diagnostically helpful to subject them to the Borderline Personality Organization Scale (BPO). Designed in 1985, it sorts the responses of respondents into 30 relevant scales. It indicates the existence of identity diffusion, primitive defenses, and deficient reality testing. To these one may add the Personality Diagnostic Questionnaire-IV, the Coolidge Axis II Inventory, the Personality Assessment Inventory (1992), the excellent, literature-based, Dimensional assessment of Personality Pathology, and the comprehensive Schedule of Nonadaptive and Adaptive Personality and Wisconsin Personality Disorders Inventory. Having established whether your abuser suffers from a personality impairment, it is mandatory to understand the way he functions in relationships, copes with intimacy, and responds with abuse to triggers. The Relationship Styles Questionnaire (RSQ) (1994) contains 30 self-reported items and identifies distinct attachment styles (secure, fearful, preoccupied, and dismissing). The Conflict Tactics Scale (CTS) (1979) is a standardized scale of the frequency and intensity of conflict resolution tactics �?/SPAN> especially abusive stratagems �?/SPAN> used by members of a dyad (couple). The Multidimensional Anger Inventory (MAI) (1986) assesses the frequency of angry responses, their duration, magnitude, mode of expression, hostile outlook, and anger-provoking triggers. Yet, even a complete battery of tests, administered by experienced professionals sometimes fails to identify abusers and their personality disorders. Offenders are uncanny in their ability to deceive their evaluators. Even a complete battery of tests, administered by experienced professionals sometimes fails to identify abusers and their personality disorders. Offenders are uncanny in their ability to deceive their evaluators. They often succeed in transforming therapists and diagnosticians into four types of collaborators: the adulators, the blissfully ignorant, the self-deceiving, and those deceived by the batterer's conduct or statements. Abusers co-opt mental health and social welfare workers and compromise them �?/SPAN> even when the diagnosis is unequivocal �?/SPAN> by flattering them, by emphasizing common traits or a common background, by forming a joint front against the victim of abuse ("shared psychosis"), or by emotionally bribing them. Abusers are master manipulators and exploit the vulnerabilities, traumas, prejudices, and fears of the practitioners to "convert" them to the offender's cause. I. The Adulators The adulators are fully aware of the nefarious and damaging aspects of the abuser's behavior but believe that they are more than balanced by his positive traits. In a curious inversion of judgment, they cast the perpetrator as the victim of a smear campaign orchestrated by the abused or attribute the offender's predicament to bigotry. They mobilize to help the abuser, promote his agenda, shield him from harm, connect him with like-minded people, do his chores for him and, in general, create the conditions and the environment for his ultimate success. II. The Ignorant As I wrote in "The Guilt of the Abused", it is telling that precious few psychology and psychopathology textbooks dedicate an entire chapter to abuse and violence. Even the most egregious manifestations �?/SPAN> such as child sexual abuse �?/SPAN> merit a fleeting mention, usually as a sub-chapter in a larger section dedicated to paraphilias or personality disorders. Abusive behavior did not make it into the diagnostic criteria of mental health disorders, nor were its psychodynamic, cultural and social roots explored in depth. As a result of this deficient education and lacking awareness, most law enforcement officers, judges, counselors, guardians, and mediators are worryingly ignorant about the phenomenon. Only 4% of hospital emergency room admissions of women in the United States are attributed by staff to domestic violence. The true figure, according to the FBI, is more like 50%. One in three murdered women was done in by her spouse, current or former. The blissfully ignorant mental health professionals are simply unaware of the "bad sides" of the abuser �?/SPAN> and make sure they remain oblivious to them. They look the other way, or pretend that the abuser's behavior is normative, or turn a blind eye to his egregious conduct. Even therapists sometimes deny a painful reality that contravenes their bias. Some of them maintain a generally rosy outlook premised on the alleged inbred benevolence of Mankind. Others simply cannot tolerate dissonance and discord. They prefer to live in a fantastic world where everything is harmonious and smooth and evil is banished. They react with discomfort or even rage to any information to the contrary and block it out instantly. Once they form an opinion that the accusations against the abusers are overblown, malicious, and false - it becomes immutable. "I have made up my mind �?/SPAN> they seem to be broadcasting �?/SPAN> "Now don't confuse me with the facts." III. The Self-Deceivers The self-deceivers are fully aware of the abuser's transgressions and malice, his indifference, exploitativeness, lack of empathy, and rampant grandiosity �?/SPAN> but they prefer to displace the causes, or the effects of such misconduct. They attribute it to externalities ("a rough patch"), or judge it to be temporary. They even go as far as accusing the victim for the offender's lapses, or for defending herself ("she provoked him"). In a feat of cognitive dissonance, they deny any connection between the acts of the abuser and their consequences ("his wife abandoned him because she was promiscuous, not because of anything he did to her"). They are swayed by the batterer's undeniable charm, intelligence, or attractiveness. But the abuser needs not invest resources in converting them to his cause �?/SPAN> he does not deceive them. They are self-propelled. IV. The Deceived The deceived are deliberately taken for a premeditated ride by the abuser. He feeds them false information, manipulates their judgment, proffers plausible scenarios to account for his indiscretions, soils the opposition, charms them, appeals to their reason, or to their emotions, and promises the moon. Again, the abuser's incontrovertible powers of persuasion and his impressive personality play a part in this predatory ritual. The deceived are especially hard to deprogram. They are often themselves encumbered with the abuser's traits and find it impossible to admit a mistake, or to atone. Read "The Guilt of the Abused". Take care. Sam |
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I just though I would explain about these drawings I mentioned. My nephew is a very good artist and puts a lot of his thoughs on paper as drawings. None of these drawings incriminate him in any way but they show his personality very well. I know that he is afraid of being discovered and I though it was a good idea to keep a copy of these drawings as an insurance policy........ I haven't told him about this and do not plan to unless he tries to escalate this situation. I was thinking of storing this cdrom in a safety deposit box with a note that would point to him in the event that something bad happens to my family or myself. Like I said earlier, it just gives a good insight into his personality. Let me know if you think this is a bad or good idea. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. Yves |
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Last question: 5. What would be our best course of action to protect ouselves (my sister, her kids, my mother and I) from him upon his release from jail? |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 15/10/2004 5:45 p.m. |
Hi, Yves, I am not an attorney - nor am I a security expert. I strongly advise you to consult both. Read these: Hope this was of some help to you. Take care there. Sam |
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