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| | From:  femfree (Original Message) | Sent: 2/10/2006 8:57 p.m. |
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HI EVERYONE:
WELCOME TO PART 4 OF
"DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR DR. SAM VAKNIN" I think most of us have wondered about aspects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder we couldn't find answers too, or we may wish additional help and clarification. DR. SAM VAKNIN,
AUTHOR OF MALIGNANT SELF LOVE, NARCISSISM REVISITED,
HAS GENEROUSLY AGREED TO ASSIST US BY PROVIDING ANSWERS AND RECOMMEND LINKS TO ARTICLES TO HELP US UNDERSTAND THE NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER Members of our forum may post their questions directly here and for non-member visitors, I invite you to email your questions to me [email protected] and I will post it on your behalf. Thank you all for your participation in this fabulous learning opportunity. Please note this message thread is intended only for questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses. Other comments will be removed. Click here to view previously-posted questions to Dr. Vaknin 
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 28/10/2008 7:53 p.m. |
Hi, Freebird, Thank you for your kind words. Read these: Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity Take care. Sam
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 28/10/2008 7:56 p.m. |
Hi, H., You may find these of added help or interest: How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids Take care. Sam |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 28/10/2008 8:00 p.m. |
Hi, D., Your son is an adult. He is entitled to make his own decisions and commit his own mistakes. You have a moral obligation to share your thoughts and opinions with him and to refer him to relevant literature - but, that's it! Sam |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 28/10/2008 8:03 p.m. |
Misdiagnosing Narcissism - Asperger's Disorder By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
Malignant Self Love - Buy the Book - Click HERE!!! Relationships with Abusive Narcissists - Buy the e-Books - Click HERE!!!
(The use of gender pronouns in this article reflects the clinical facts: most narcissists and most Asperger's patients are male.) Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence). In both cases, the patient is self-centered and engrossed in a narrow range of interests and activities. Social and occupational interactions are severely hampered and conversational skills (the give and take of verbal intercourse) are primitive. The Asperger's patient body language - eye to eye gaze, body posture, facial expressions - is constricted and artificial, akin to the narcissist's. Nonverbal cues are virtually absent and their interpretation in others lacking. Yet, the gulf between Asperger's and pathological narcissism is vast. The narcissist switches between social agility and social impairment voluntarily. His social dysfunctioning is the outcome of conscious haughtiness and the reluctance to invest scarce mental energy in cultivating relationships with inferior and unworthy others. When confronted with potential Sources of Narcissistic Supply, however, the narcissist easily regains his social skills, his charm, and his gregariousness. Many narcissists reach the highest rungs of their community, church, firm, or voluntary organization. Most of the time, they function flawlessly - though the inevitable blowups and the grating extortion of Narcissistic Supply usually put an end to the narcissist's career and social liaisons. The Asperger's patient often wants to be accepted socially, to have friends, to marry, to be sexually active, and to sire offspring. He just doesn't have a clue how to go about it. His affect is limited. His initiative - for instance, to share his experiences with nearest and dearest or to engage in foreplay - is thwarted. His ability to divulge his emotions stilted. He is incapable or reciprocating and is largely unaware of the wishes, needs, and feelings of his interlocutors or counterparties. Inevitably, Asperger's patients are perceived by others to be cold, eccentric, insensitive, indifferent, repulsive, exploitative or emotionally-absent. To avoid the pain of rejection, they confine themselves to solitary activities - but, unlike the schizoid, not by choice. They limit their world to a single topic, hobby, or person and dive in with the greatest, all-consuming intensity, excluding all other matters and everyone else. It is a form of hurt-control and pain regulation. Thus, while the narcissist avoids pain by excluding, devaluing, and discarding others - the Asperger's patient achieves the same result by withdrawing and by passionately incorporating in his universe only one or two people and one or two subjects of interest. Both narcissists and Asperger's patients are prone to react with depression to perceived slights and injuries - but Asperger's patients are far more at risk of self-harm and suicide. The use of language is another differentiating factor. The narcissist is a skilled communicator. He uses language as an instrument to obtain Narcissistic Supply or as a weapon to obliterate his "enemies" and discarded sources with. Cerebral narcissists derive Narcissistic Supply from the consummate use they make of their innate verbosity. (continued below)
This article appears in my book, "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" Click HERE to buy the print edition from Barnes and Noble or HERE to buy it from Amazon or HERE to buy it from The Book Source Click HERE to buy the print edition from the publisher and receive a BONUS PACK Click HERE to buy various electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships Click HERE to buy the ENTIRE SERIES of eight electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships
Not so the Asperger's patient. He is equally verbose at times (and taciturn on other occasions) but his topics are few and, thus, tediously repetitive. He is unlikely to obey conversational rules and etiquette (for instance, to let others speak in turn). Nor is the Asperger's patient able to decipher nonverbal cues and gestures or to monitor his own misbehavior on such occasions. Narcissists are similarly inconsiderate - but only towards those who cannot possibly serve as Sources of Narcissistic Supply. More about Autism Spectrum Disorders here: McDowell, Maxson J. (2002) The Image of the Mother's Eye: Autism and Early Narcissistic Injury , Behavioral and Brain Sciences (Submitted) Benis, Anthony - "Toward Self & Sanity: On the Genetic Origins of the Human Character" - Narcissistic-Perfectionist Personality Type (NP) with special reference to infantile autism Stringer, Kathi (2003) An Object Relations Approach to Understanding Unusual Behaviors and Disturbances James Robert Brasic, MD, MPH (2003) Pervasive Developmental Disorder: Asperger Syndrome Vaknin, Sam �?Malignant Self Love �?Narcissism Revisited, 8th revised impression �?Skopje and Prague, Narcissus Publications, 2006 Continue to Misdiagnosing Narcissism - Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Also Read Misdiagnosing Eating Disorders Narcissism with Other Mental Health Disorders The Myth of Mental Illness Other Personality Disorders Eating Disorders and Personality Disorders Use and abuse of Differential Diagnoses Misdiagnosing Narcissism - The Bipolar I Disorder Misdiagnosing Narcissism - Generalized Anxiety Disorder Narcissists, Inverted Narcissists and Schizoids The Inverted Narcissist Narcissism, Substance Abuse, and Reckless Behaviours
Copyright Notice This material is copyrighted. Free, unrestricted use is allowed on a non commercial basis.
The author's name and a link to this Website must be incorporated in any reproduction of the material for any use and by any means.
Go Back to Home Page! More Journal Entries Frequently Asked Questions about Pathological Narcissism Excerpts from the Archive of the Narcissism List The Narcissism List Home Page Philosophical Musings After the Rain - How the West Lost the East Internet: A Medium or a Message? Write to me: [email protected] or [email protected] |
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Reply
| | | From: samvak | Sent: 28/10/2008 8:07 p.m. |
Narcissism, Self-Awareness, and Healing Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), the Narcissist, and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
Malignant Self Love - Buy the Book - Click HERE!!! Relationships with Abusive Narcissists - Buy the e-Books - Click HERE!!!
Question: If the narcissist becomes self-aware, if he accepts that he is a narcissist, isn't this the first, important step, towards healing? Answer: Narcissism defines the narcissist's waking moments and his nocturnal dreams. It is all-pervasive. Everything the narcissist does is motivated by it. Everything he avoids is its result. Every utterance, decision, his very body language - are all manifestations of narcissism. It is rather like being abducted by an alien and ruthlessly indoctrinated ever since. The alien is the narcissist's False Self - a defence mechanism constructed in order to shield his True Self from hurt and inevitable abandonment. Cognitive understanding of the disorder does not constitute a transforming INSIGHT. In other words, it has no emotional correlate. The narcissist does not INTERNALIZE what he understands and learns about his disorder. This new gained knowledge does not become a motivating part of the narcissist. It remains an inert and indifferent piece of knowledge, with minor influence on the narcissist's psyche. Sometimes, when the narcissist first learns about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), he really believes he could change (usually, following a period of violent rejection of the "charges" against him). He fervently wants to. This is especially true when his whole world is in shambles. Time in prison, a divorce, a bankruptcy, a death of a major source of narcissistic supply - are all transforming life crises. The narcissist admits to a problem only when abandoned, destitute, and devastated. He feels that he doesn't want any more of this. He wants to change. And there often are signs that he IS changing. And then it fades. He reverts to old form. The "progress" he had made evaporates virtually overnight. Many narcissists report the same process of progression followed by recidivist remission and many therapists refuse to treat narcissists because of the Sisyphean frustration involved. (continued below)
This article appears in my book, "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" Click HERE to buy the print edition from Barnes and Noble or HERE to buy it from Amazon or HERE to buy it from The Book Source Click HERE to buy the print edition from the publisher and receive a BONUS PACK Click HERE to buy various electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships Click HERE to buy the ENTIRE SERIES of eight electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships
I never said that narcissists cannot CHANGE - only that they cannot HEAL. There is a huge difference between behavior modification and a permanent alteration of the psychodynamic landscape. Narcissistic behavior CAN be modified using a cocktail of talk therapy, conditioning, and medication. I have yet to encounter a healed narcissist. The emphasis in therapy is thus more on accommodating the needs of those nearest and dearest to the narcissist - spouse, children, colleagues, friends - than on "treating" the narcissist. If the narcissist's abrasiveness, rage, mood swings, reckless and impulsive behaviors are modified - those around him benefit most. This, as far as I am concerned, is a form of social engineering. One last hope: Narcissism (though rarely) does tend to ameliorate with age and many forms of pathological narcissism are reactive and transient (Ronningstam and Gunderson, 1996).
Also Read Guilt? What guilt? Narcissists and Introspection The Narcissist's Warped Reality Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial Does the Narcissist Have a Multiple Personality (Dissociative Identity Disorder)?
Copyright Notice This material is copyrighted. Free, unrestricted use is allowed on a non commercial basis.
The author's name and a link to this Website must be incorporated in any reproduction of the material for any use and by any means.
Additional Q&A's Go Back to Home Page! Journal Entries Frequently Asked Questions about Pathological Narcissism Excerpts from the Archive of the Narcissism List The Narcissism List Home Page Philosophical Musings After the Rain - How the West Lost the East Internet: A Medium or a Message? Write to me: [email protected] or [email protected] |
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Reply
| | | From: samvak | Sent: 28/10/2008 8:07 p.m. |
Misdiagnosing Narcissism - Asperger's Disorder By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
Malignant Self Love - Buy the Book - Click HERE!!! Relationships with Abusive Narcissists - Buy the e-Books - Click HERE!!!
(The use of gender pronouns in this article reflects the clinical facts: most narcissists and most Asperger's patients are male.) Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence). In both cases, the patient is self-centered and engrossed in a narrow range of interests and activities. Social and occupational interactions are severely hampered and conversational skills (the give and take of verbal intercourse) are primitive. The Asperger's patient body language - eye to eye gaze, body posture, facial expressions - is constricted and artificial, akin to the narcissist's. Nonverbal cues are virtually absent and their interpretation in others lacking. Yet, the gulf between Asperger's and pathological narcissism is vast. The narcissist switches between social agility and social impairment voluntarily. His social dysfunctioning is the outcome of conscious haughtiness and the reluctance to invest scarce mental energy in cultivating relationships with inferior and unworthy others. When confronted with potential Sources of Narcissistic Supply, however, the narcissist easily regains his social skills, his charm, and his gregariousness. Many narcissists reach the highest rungs of their community, church, firm, or voluntary organization. Most of the time, they function flawlessly - though the inevitable blowups and the grating extortion of Narcissistic Supply usually put an end to the narcissist's career and social liaisons. The Asperger's patient often wants to be accepted socially, to have friends, to marry, to be sexually active, and to sire offspring. He just doesn't have a clue how to go about it. His affect is limited. His initiative - for instance, to share his experiences with nearest and dearest or to engage in foreplay - is thwarted. His ability to divulge his emotions stilted. He is incapable or reciprocating and is largely unaware of the wishes, needs, and feelings of his interlocutors or counterparties. Inevitably, Asperger's patients are perceived by others to be cold, eccentric, insensitive, indifferent, repulsive, exploitative or emotionally-absent. To avoid the pain of rejection, they confine themselves to solitary activities - but, unlike the schizoid, not by choice. They limit their world to a single topic, hobby, or person and dive in with the greatest, all-consuming intensity, excluding all other matters and everyone else. It is a form of hurt-control and pain regulation. Thus, while the narcissist avoids pain by excluding, devaluing, and discarding others - the Asperger's patient achieves the same result by withdrawing and by passionately incorporating in his universe only one or two people and one or two subjects of interest. Both narcissists and Asperger's patients are prone to react with depression to perceived slights and injuries - but Asperger's patients are far more at risk of self-harm and suicide. The use of language is another differentiating factor. The narcissist is a skilled communicator. He uses language as an instrument to obtain Narcissistic Supply or as a weapon to obliterate his "enemies" and discarded sources with. Cerebral narcissists derive Narcissistic Supply from the consummate use they make of their innate verbosity. (continued below)
This article appears in my book, "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" Click HERE to buy the print edition from Barnes and Noble or HERE to buy it from Amazon or HERE to buy it from The Book Source Click HERE to buy the print edition from the publisher and receive a BONUS PACK Click HERE to buy various electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships Click HERE to buy the ENTIRE SERIES of eight electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships
Not so the Asperger's patient. He is equally verbose at times (and taciturn on other occasions) but his topics are few and, thus, tediously repetitive. He is unlikely to obey conversational rules and etiquette (for instance, to let others speak in turn). Nor is the Asperger's patient able to decipher nonverbal cues and gestures or to monitor his own misbehavior on such occasions. Narcissists are similarly inconsiderate - but only towards those who cannot possibly serve as Sources of Narcissistic Supply. More about Autism Spectrum Disorders here: McDowell, Maxson J. (2002) The Image of the Mother's Eye: Autism and Early Narcissistic Injury , Behavioral and Brain Sciences (Submitted) Benis, Anthony - "Toward Self & Sanity: On the Genetic Origins of the Human Character" - Narcissistic-Perfectionist Personality Type (NP) with special reference to infantile autism Stringer, Kathi (2003) An Object Relations Approach to Understanding Unusual Behaviors and Disturbances James Robert Brasic, MD, MPH (2003) Pervasive Developmental Disorder: Asperger Syndrome Vaknin, Sam �?Malignant Self Love �?Narcissism Revisited, 8th revised impression �?Skopje and Prague, Narcissus Publications, 2006 Continue to Misdiagnosing Narcissism - Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Also Read Misdiagnosing Eating Disorders Narcissism with Other Mental Health Disorders The Myth of Mental Illness Other Personality Disorders Eating Disorders and Personality Disorders Use and abuse of Differential Diagnoses Misdiagnosing Narcissism - The Bipolar I Disorder Misdiagnosing Narcissism - Generalized Anxiety Disorder Narcissists, Inverted Narcissists and Schizoids The Inverted Narcissist Narcissism, Substance Abuse, and Reckless Behaviours
Copyright Notice This material is copyrighted. Free, unrestricted use is allowed on a non commercial basis.
The author's name and a link to this Website must be incorporated in any reproduction of the material for any use and by any means.
Go Back to Home Page! More Journal Entries Frequently Asked Questions about Pathological Narcissism Excerpts from the Archive of the Narcissism List The Narcissism List Home Page Philosophical Musings After the Rain - How the West Lost the East Internet: A Medium or a Message? Write to me: [email protected] or [email protected] language=javascript>postamble();</SCRIPT> |
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| | | From: femfree | Sent: 30/10/2008 12:22 a.m. |
Hi Sam. Here is a question from D. Are physcopths more afraid they have no soul then we are in knowing they don't? |
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| | | From: serrajai | Sent: 30/10/2008 3:26 a.m. |
Dr. Vaknin, My exN never seemed jealous. Isn't jealousy a main trait of narcissism? He exhibited all other N actions. haughty attitude, playing victim, wanting therapists to take his side, no empathy, devestated without supply, never shows remorse, lives minute to minute, couldn't get along with coworkers and was fired from many jobs, dazzles everyone in the beginning, brags about everything to the point where people roll their eyes at it. His mother and grandmother acted as if he were a god. His long divorced mother still says he is the love of her life. He never showed jealousy, he said, "I have no peer." He liked for men to pay attention to me, and wanted to flaunt me. Does this sound like a narcissist? |
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If K is a narcissist and he feels entitled to do whatever he pleases, without remorse: Why would he hide and deny his use of pornography? When I say, "deny," I mean deny ADAMANTLY that he used pornography. Why would he not feel just as entitled to use pornography as he feels to do anything else that would be considered offensive to the average person? He once told me that when he would visit his cousin (divorced father of two), he would watch the children while his cousin went to the strip bars. When his cousin visited in Summer 2006 for a family reunion, his cousin casually suggested that he and K go out to a strip bar. I doubt his cousin would have suggested that (and suggested it so casually) if it hadn't been a standard form of entertainment. I constantly found questionable websites on the computer. And I frequently found the hidden magazines. Yet . . . he adamantly denies ever having had an interest. If nothing else is "off limits," why is porn so taboo? Gloria |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 30/10/2008 4:07 p.m. |
D., This board is about the Narcissistic Persoanlity Disorder, narcissists, and psychopaths. Your question deals with metaphysics, not with mental health. Sam |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 30/10/2008 4:09 p.m. |
Serrajaj, Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews. These may be of help - click on the links: The Green Eyed Narcissist By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
Malignant Self Love - Buy the Book - Click HERE!!! Relationships with Abusive Narcissists - Buy the e-Books - Click HERE!!!
Today I wrote to someone: "The biggest source of personal strength is loneliness. The fountain of vigour and clarity and tranquillity and creativity erupts from extreme deprivation. It is when we cannot rely on others, nor depend on them (not even for our sexual fulfilment), when we neither expect, nor wish, nor dream - that we are invincible. It is when we lose everything purposefully - that we gain it back. Naked, in the moonlight, we extend a hand to the stars and are one with them, primordially and unconditionally. When we discover ourselves - we naturally shed the world. We have no need for it, this empty shell of failed communication. We are perfectly and entirely neutral - not sad, nor elated, not scared and not proud. A state of nothingness contrasted to the former and depraved state of being. We crave no more. Are at peace. I congratulate you on your independence." I am constantly envious of people. This is my way of interacting with the world. I begrudge others their success, or brilliance, or happiness, or good fortune. I am driven to excesses of paranoia and guilt and fear that subside only after I "act out" or punish myself. It is a vicious cycle in which I am entrapped. http://www.human-nature.com/ashwin/chap2.html From "Cronos and His Children - Envy and Reparation" by Mary Ashwin - Chapter II "Everyday Envy": "Envy is forever looking upwards. It does not look sideways. In 'Facial Justice' Hartley (1960) describes a life after a catastrophic war. A Dictator has decreed that envy is so destructive that it has to be eliminated. The citizens are coerced to be as alike each other as possible. The worst crime is not envy itself but to excite envy. 'Equality and Envy - the two E's were...the positive and negative poles on which the New State rotated '(p.12). In order to exterminate envy everything that was enviable has been destroyed. Of course that in itself is the very essence of envy. Neither envy nor equality are spoken of as words but referred to as Good and Bad E's. All tall buildings had been destroyed in the war except the tower of Ely Cathedral and none are allowed to be built - a horizontal view of life is required. No comparisons are to be made, women are encouraged to undertake an operation so they all looked alike, to be pretty would excite envy. The result is that the populace loses its humanity and becomes a non-thinking mass. The independently minded heroine, Jael, visits the Ely and looks up at the tower and leads a dance round it. She pays the price of having her more than averagely pretty face (an Alpha face) changed to a Beta face by cosmetic surgery and so made indistinguishable from the others." The New Oxford Dictionary of English defines envy as: "A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck." And an earlier version (The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary) adds: "Mortification and ill-will occasioned by the contemplation of another's superior advantages". Pathological envy - the second deadly sin - is a compounded emotion. It is brought on by the realization of some lack, deficiency, or inadequacy in oneself. It is the result of unfavourably comparing oneself to others: to their success, their reputation, their possessions, their luck, their qualities. It is misery and humiliation and impotent rage and a tortuous, slippery path to nowhere. The effort to break the padded walls of this self-visited purgatory often leads to attacks on the perceived source of frustration. There is a spectrum of reactions to this pernicious and cognitively distorting emotion: Subsuming the Object of Envy through Imitation Some narcissists seek to imitate or even emulate their (ever changing) role models. It is as if by imitating the object of his envy, the narcissist BECOMES that object. So, narcissists are likely to adopt their boss' typical gestures, the vocabulary of a successful politician, the views of an esteemed tycoon, even the countenance and actions of the (fictitious) hero of a movie or a novel. (continued below)
This article appears in my book, "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" Click HERE to buy the print edition from Barnes and Noble or HERE to buy it from Amazon or HERE to buy it from The Book Source Click HERE to buy the print edition from the publisher and receive a BONUS PACK Click HERE to buy various electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships Click HERE to buy the ENTIRE SERIES of eight electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships
In his pursuit of peace of mind, in his frantic effort to alleviate the burden of consuming jealousy, the narcissist often deteriorates to conspicuous and ostentatious consumption, impulsive and reckless behaviours and substance abuse. Elsewhere I wrote: "In extreme cases, to get rich quick through schemes of crime and corruption, to out-wit the system, to prevail is thought by these people to be the epitome of cleverness (providing one does not get caught), the sport of living, a winked-at vice, a spice." Destroying the Frustrating Object Other narcissists "choose" to destroy the object that gives them so much grief by provoking in them feelings of inadequacy and frustration. They display obsessive, blind animosity and engage in a compulsive acts of rivalry often at the cost of self-destruction and self-isolation. In my essay "The Dance of Jael", I wrote: "This hydra has many heads. From scratching the paint of new cars and flattening their tyres, to spreading vicious gossip, to media-hyped arrests of successful and rich businessmen, to wars against advantaged neighbours. The stifling, condensed vapours of envy cannot be dispersed. They invade their victims, their rageful eyes, their calculating souls, they guide their hands in evil doings and dip their tongues in vitriol... (The envious narcissist's existence is) a constant hiss, a tangible malice, the piercing of a thousand eyes. The imminence and immanence of violence. The poisoned joy of depriving the other of that which you don't or cannot have." Self-Deprecation From my essay, "The Dance of Jael": "There are those narcissists who idealize the successful and the rich and the lucky. They attribute to them super-human, almost divine, qualities... In an effort to justify the agonizing disparities between themselves and others, they humble themselves as they elevate the others. They reduce and diminish their own gifts, they disparage their own achievements, they degrade their own possessions and look with disdain and contempt upon their nearest and dearest, who are unable to discern their fundamental shortcomings. They feel worthy only of abasement and punishment. Besieged by guilt and remorse, voided of self-esteem, perpetually self-hating and self-deprecating - this is by far the more dangerous species of narcissist. For he who derives contentment from his own humiliation cannot but derive happiness from the downfall of others. Indeed, most of them end up driving the objects of their own devotion and adulation to destruction and decrepitude..." Cognitive Dissonance "...But the most common reaction is the good old cognitive dissonance. It is to believe that the grapes are sour rather than to admit that they are craved. These people devalue the source of their frustration and envy. They find faults, unattractive features, high costs to pay, immorality in everything they really most desire and aspire to and in everyone who has attained that which they so often can't. They walk amongst us, critical and self-righteous, inflated with a justice of their making and secure in the wisdom of being what they are rather than what they could have been and really wish to be. They make a virtue of jejune abstention, of wishful constipation, of judgmental neutrality, this oxymoron, the favourite of the disabled." Avoidance - The Schizoid Solution And then, of course, there is my favourite solution: avoidance. To witness the success and joy of others is too painful, too high a price to pay. So, I stay home, alone and incommunicado. I inhabit the artificial bubble that is my world where I am king and country, I am the law and yardstick, I am the one and only. There, in the penumbral recesses of my study, my flickering laptop for company, the only noises are electronic and I am the resident of my own burgeoning delusions. I am happy and soothed. I am what I can dream and dream my very being. I am no longer real, simply a narrative, an invention of my fervent mind, a colourful myth - sustaining and engulfing. I am content.
Copyright Notice This material is copyrighted. Free, unrestricted use is allowed on a non commercial basis.
The author's name and a link to this Website must be incorporated in any reproduction of the material for any use and by any means.
Go Back to Home Page! More Journal Entries Frequently Asked Questions about Pathological Narcissism Excerpts from the Archive of the Narcissism List The Narcissism List Home Page Philosophical Musings After the Rain - How the West Lost the East Internet: A Medium or a Message? Write to me: [email protected] or [email protected] language=javascript>postamble();</SCRIPT> |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 30/10/2008 4:13 p.m. |
Gloria, Maybe because you are constantly rummaging through his computer and drawers in search of illicit material. Narcissists like to feel morally superior and generally superior to others. Consuming pornography is considered by some people immoral. It is also the hallmark of lowbrow, uneducated, dysfunctional folks. Question: What is the typical profile of a homosexual narcissist? Answer: I am a heterosexual and thus deprived of an intimate acquaintance with certain psychological processes, which allegedly are unique to homosexuals. I find it hard to believe that there are such processes, to begin with. Research failed to find any substantive difference between the psychological make-up of a narcissist who happens to have homosexual preferences �?and a heterosexual narcissist. Continue to read this article here (click on this link): http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq18.htmlWomen narcissists http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq34.htmlNarcissists are people who fail to maintain a stable sense of self-worth. Very often somatic narcissists (narcissistic who use their bodies and their sexuality to secure Narcissistic Supply) tend to get involved in extra-marital affairs. The new "conquests" sustain their grandiose fantasies and their distorted and unrealistic self-image. Continue to read this article here (click on this link): http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq61.htmlQuestion: Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what extent are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage? Answer: Continue to read this article here (click on this link): http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq29.htmlNarcissists are repulsed and intimidated by intimacy http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.htmlhttp://samvak.tripod.com/journal60.htmlhttp://samvak.tripod.com/abuse14.htmlOur sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and learned and acquired behaviors. By observing one's sexual predilections and acts, the trained psychotherapist and diagnostician can learn a lot about the patient. Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a "breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety. Continue to read this article here (click on this link): http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.htmlNarcissists are either cerebral or somatic. In other words, they either generate their Narcissistic Supply by applying their bodies or by applying their minds. Continue to read this article here (click on this link): http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal21.htmlMost patients with the Histrionic Personality Disorder are women. This immediately raises the question: Is this a real mental health disorder or a culture-bound syndrome which reflects the values of a patriarchal and misogynistic society? A man with similar traits is bound to be admired as a "macho" or, at worst, labeled a "womanizer". Continue to read this article here (click on this link): http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders17.htmlShe shifts uneasily in her seat: "I like to flirt. A little flirting never hurt nobody is what I say." Continue to read this article here (click on this link): http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders52.htmlTake care. Sam |
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hi Sam,
Question: Why do you think NPD is more common in men than women?
Thanks,
-NO |
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| | | From: samvak | Sent: 10/11/2008 5:11 p.m. |
It is My World Narcissism and Omnipotence By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
Malignant Self Love - Buy the Book - Click HERE!!! Relationships with Abusive Narcissists - Buy the e-Books - Click HERE!!!
"The new narcissist is haunted not by guilt but by anxiety. He seeks not to inflict his own certainties on others but to find a meaning in life. Liberated from the superstitions of the past, he doubts even the reality of his own existence. Superficially relaxed and tolerant, he finds little use for dogmas of racial and ethnic purity but at the same time forfeits the security of group loyalties and regards everyone as a rival for the favours conferred by a paternalistic state. His sexual attitudes are permissive rather than puritanical, even though his emancipation from ancient taboos brings him no sexual peace. Fiercely competitive in his demand for approval and acclaim, he distrusts competition because he associates it unconsciously with an unbridled urge to destroy. Hence he repudiates the competitive ideologies that flourished at an earlier stage of capitalist development and distrusts even their limited expression in sports and games. He extols cooperation and teamwork while harbouring deeply antisocial impulses. He praises respect for rules and regulations in the secret belief that they do not apply to himself. Acquisitive in the sense that his cravings have no limits, he does not accumulate goods and provisions against the future, in the manner of the acquisitive individualist of nineteenth-century political economy, but demands immediate gratification and lives in a state of restless, perpetually unsatisfied desire." (Christopher Lasch - The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an age of Diminishing Expectations, 1979) "A characteristic of our times is the predominance, even in groups traditionally selective, of the mass and the vulgar. Thus, in intellectual life, which of its essence requires and presupposes qualification, one can note the progressive triumph of the pseudo-intellectual, unqualified, unqualifiable..." (Jose Ortega y Gasset - The Revolt of the Masses, 1932) Look around you. Self absorption. Greed. Frivolity. Social anxiety. Lack of empathy. Exploitation. Abuse. These are not marginal phenomena. These are the defining traits of the West and its denizens. The West's is a narcissistic civilization. It upholds narcissistic values and penalizes the alternative value-systems. From an early age, children are taught to avoid self-criticism, to deceive themselves regarding their capacities and achievements, to feel entitled, to exploit others. Litigiousness is the flip side of this inane sense of entitlement. The disintegration of the very fabric of society is its outcome. It is a culture of self-delusion. People adopt grandiose fantasies, often incommensurate with their real, dreary, lives. Consumerism is built on this common and communal lie of "I can do anything I want and possess everything I desire if I only apply myself to it". There is one incriminating piece of evidence - the incidence of NPD among men and women. There is no proof that NPD is a genetic disorder or has genetic roots. There is overwhelming evidence that it is the sad outcome of faulty upbringing. Still, if NPD is not related to cultural and social contexts, then it should occur equally among men and women. It doesn't. It occurs three times more among men than it does among women. This seems to be because the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (as opposed, for instance, to the Borderline or the Histrionic Personality Disorders, which afflict women more than men) seems to conform to masculine social mores and to the prevailing ethos of capitalism. (continued below)
This article appears in my book, "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" Click HERE to buy the print edition from Barnes and Noble or HERE to buy it from Amazon or HERE to buy it from The Book Source Click HERE to buy the print edition from the publisher and receive a BONUS PACK Click HERE to buy various electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships Click HERE to buy the ENTIRE SERIES of eight electronic books (e-books) about narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships
Ambition, achievements, hierarchy, ruthlessness, drive - are both social values and narcissistic male traits. Social thinkers like Lasch speculated that modern American culture - a narcissistic, self-centred one - increases the rate of incidence of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. To this Kernberg answered, rightly: "The most I would be willing to say is that society can make serious psychological abnormalities, which already exist in some percentage of the population, seem to be at least superficially appropriate." From my "Gender and the Narcissist" (http://samvak.tripod.com/faq34.html ): "In the manifestation of their narcissism, female and male narcissists, inevitably, do tend to differ. They emphasise different things. They transform different elements of their personality and of their life into the cornerstones of their disorder. They both conform to cultural stereotypes, gender roles, and social expectations. Women, for instance, concentrate on their body (as they do in eating disorders: Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa). They flaunt and exploit their physical charms, their sexuality, their socially and culturally determined 'femininity'. In its extreme form this is known as HPD or the Histrionic Personality Disorder. Many female narcissists secure their Narcissistic Supply through their more traditional gender roles: the home, children, suitable careers, their husbands ('the wife of...'), their feminine traits, their role in society, etc. It is no wonder than narcissists - both men and women - are chauvinistically conservative. They depend to such an extent on the opinions of people around them - that, with time, they are transformed into ultra-sensitive seismographs of public opinion, barometers of prevailing winds and guardians of conformity. Narcissists cannot afford to seriously alienate those who reflect to them their False Self. The very proper and on-going functioning of their Ego depends on the goodwill and the collaboration of their human environment. Even the self-destructive and self-defeating behaviours of narcissists conform to traditional masculine and feminine roles. Besieged and consumed by pernicious guilt feelings - many a narcissist seek to be punished. The self-destructive narcissist plays the role of the 'bad guy' (or 'bad girl'). But even then it is within the traditional socially allocated roles. To ensure social opprobrium (read: attention, i.e., Narcissistic Supply), the narcissist cartoonishly exaggerates these roles. A woman is likely to label herself a 'whore' and a male narcissist to style himself a 'vicious, unrepentant criminal'. Yet, these again are traditional social roles. Men are likely to emphasise intellect, power, aggression, money, or social status. Women are likely to emphasise body, looks, charm, sexuality, feminine 'traits', homemaking, children and childrearing - even as they seek their masochistic punishment. There are mental disorders, which afflict a specific sex more often. This has to do with hormonal or other physiological dispositions, with social and cultural conditioning through the socialisation process, and with role assignment through the gender differentiation process. None of these seem to be strongly correlated to the formation of malignant narcissism." I belong. I am a narcissist. And you? You are deviants. You have mal-adapted to my brave new world. The world of the narcissist.
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