Hi DJ,

 

Yes, my XN would put on MAJOR performances of heavy duty tears & sobbing even when we were at the "break up" stage.  He kept TELLING me he loved me, VERY dramatically, with weird tears that seemed . . . hollow?  fake?  off?  somehow not "on."  i mean, i'm an overly empathetic person, but there was something in his weird tears that made me feel sick to my stomach--like my body could tell he is empty and his tears are only crocodile tears, to bring me closer so he can mess with me all the more.  then, while he was TELLING me these "nice" words and PERFORMING his teary-ness, he TREATED me like total crap.  His behaviours had literally no connection with his apparently "deeply" pledged feelings. 

 

It still makes me ill to think someone can dramatize that stuff out of basically nothing but another selfish wish for NS, but that is what I think he was doing...

Hi DJ,

 

My experience was much like yours and Dancing with the weird and uncomfortable tears.  My xN rolled out the tears on our first date.  Most people wipe them away but he just let them roll until his face was streaked.  Like a performance and I felt his insincerity.  Looking back, he would bring on the tears when he was being cold-hearted, like the tears would mask his brutality.  It worked.  It took four tearful d&d's for me to realize he was playing me for his sadistic enjoyment.  Picture this... the man you love more than life itself, crying like a baby while he pushes you out the door saying (sobbing) "I need to teach you a lesson because you aren't good enough for me"......  Insanity. 

 

My inner voice was telling me something is wrong with this guy on our first date.  I have respect for that voice now and will listen to it in the future. 

 

U2Me

I have/had this same question!! One of the reasons I tried to talk myself out of his being N, when I first found out what N was, was that he broke into tears a lot over the course of 2 1/2 years, mostly at sad movies, but often around the house as well, as he appeared to be thinking about his job, or about his children, or about his childhood.  NOT about me, I might add.  But how could this seemingly nice guy cry so much, yet be an N?? 

 

Then I noticed, as we attended what were to be our last couple movies together, or watched rented movies on TV, or talked about each of our own childhoods:  he would often LOOK AT ME first, to see if I was getting overly emotional about the sad movie/problem with parents/sad situation, and if it appeared to him that I was crying or about to, his tears would turn on like a faucet.  Not always, of course, because many times if I was crying, he would simply stare at me with those flat eyes of his, like I was some kind of new insect that was kind of interesting, but not really very.  Remembering those cold stares from him were what made me decide he must be an N (along with several other attributes of course). 

 

I think his tears were faked, matched to mine so he would look a little less like an alien, unless his self-pity kicked in, and then they were done for sympathy/empathy from me.  For "hugs" and consolation from the NS.  What else could it be?