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| | | From: Freebird13 (Original Message) | Sent: 15/11/2008 4:45 p.m. |
Hi all, I haven't been on in awhile, I have been doing so well and I thought maybe it was time I stop obsessing about his problems and focus on me. Well, I have been doing that and things have been great, I am happy. I have moved on and haven't even thought of him too much. The last thing I wanted was to be with anyone but I happened to run in to my first love and him and I have been seeing each other, things are great, moving slow, but I could not ask for a better man, he is the most amazing man on earth, not one single RED flag, he would do anythign for me. The exN has been sending me texts lately and trying to contact me but I just ignore it. I was actually out with friends last night and got one from him, very long, telling me how much he loved me, how sorry he was for all the hell he put me through, how he wishes he coudl have been the man to make me happy as he knows he will never find someone else like me. How I am perfect in every way and whoever ends up with me will be the luckiest man in the world. He says he knows we are over and he will leave me alone now.........even this text did not affect me. I have heard in the past few weeks that he has been out with someone and it has not bothered me at all but last night I left my friends early as they were going somewhere that I knew he would likely be and lo and behold he was. And he was with a girl, I was very proud of myself, I have not asked who she is, what she looks like, etc but I find that it is really, really bothing me and I don't know why. I know I don't want him back, I know I am happy with my life as it is and I would never go back to him so why does it bother me that he is out with someone else??????? I mean, I have moved on and he is desperately trying to find out who I am seeing, I however am not flaunting it in front of his face as I do not want to cause him any pain (I don't even know if that is possible, maybe a NI but thats it). I mean, I know what he is doing, he is using this girl so it will get to me, he must have sent me the text ab out how much he loved and missed me and would never get over me right before he went and picked her up. I know what he is doing so WHY is it affecting me? I feel so sad inside? Like I lost something? I don't want to care at all................ I mean it is not like this makes me want to call him or see him but it does make me feel sad inside and I don't know what to do about it? I would love any comments or suggestions taht can help me get past this, it is really bothering me. I try to act like it doesn't but deep down it really does |
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Hi FB, Maybe you should change your cell # so he cant text you anymore. As long as he is trying to hoover you, he is taking your heart away from falling for the good guy. As far as the jealously goes, maybe just accept it as an expected and normal part of moving on. Dont fight it, but dont fall too deep into it either. Theres nothing you can do about it, but just know that in time it will go away. Its just a feeling remember and feelings if you accept them and deal with them, move through them... they will eventually fade. So yeah, its normal what you are feeling, maybe just try to ride it out and trust it will get less intense with time. |
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| | From:  Amora52 | Sent: 15/11/2008 6:58 p.m. |
Freebird, Oh....so GOOD to hear from you...wondered how things were going with you!! Sounds like you are going thru "normal" recovery stuff....you are still in healing mode... The fact that you can go out and have fun and "reignite" with your first love, and taking it slow----shows you are taking care of you, but also, that you are still capable......of being self-aware and knowing what you want in a "healthy" relationship... And, I'm so proud of you----staying away from somewhere you knew he would be....there is no reason to put yourself thru that!!! But, Free........there are various stages of healing, you will mourn what was....what you thought was because with an N what your perception is----it's not what theirs is because they are so ugly inside and have to control, manipulate, abuse.... I'm sure he has motives in being with the OW...but, mostly it is for NS.... my stbxnh is on his 3rd OW----and, he goes from one straight into another (no pun intended!!)---but, that is because he doesn't have the ability to have a normal relationship, so therefore there is no recovery time-----they need that NS, they can't be alone. It does and will hurt....because you are normal.....and you have emotions that you have to deal with to get over him, and the relationship you thought was everything. The reality is sadness...it is something we have to deal with to get on with our lives, and get over the N abuse that we so did not deserve!!! You are doing awesome.....!!! Just stay NC..... and keep busy, which it sounds like you are. It's about you now..... do things to relax, have fun, surround yourself with caring and positive people.... and do for you now..... YOU WILL GET THRU THIS!!!! |
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N magnet and Amora thank you so much, just havign support helps so much. I know this is normal and I will get through it, I already feel so much better. My girlfriend called me today and said he looked like a creep and looked really stupid, she said he had on this 'hugh heffner' type smokers jacket and he looked so weird and they also told me that the girl he was with was not pretty at all. Amora I have missed you so much, I promise I will keep stopping by to let you know how things are or I can even give you my email address. I really am doing very well. My first love is probably the most amazing man on the planet and he always has been, I was young and dumb and didn't know what I wanted, all these years I kicked myself for ever letting him go and now I have another chance with him. I know he has never stopped loving me and he would do anythign for me. If I wanted to get married tomorrow he would do that and if I need him to just be patient and wait he will do that. As long as I am honest with him, he will do whatever I want or need. It is so very weird being with a 'normal' person. There is nothing about him that I want/need to fix, he is perfect just the way he is. It is odd to have a man adore me and do things for me. With the N it was always about 'him' but with him it is soooo different, he wants it to be all about me. Whatever I want, whatever makes me happy, whatever I am comfortable with. It is so weird to have someone actually think about my feelings and understand how something wou,ld hurt me without me having to try to explain him and convince him of it. He is the most understanding, compassionate, honest, loyal, kind, trustworty, dependable man I have ever known and he has always been that way. he would give me the sun moon and stars if he could. And he thinks he is lucky to have me, he thinks he is not good enough for me, he thinks I am the most gorgeous woman on the planet. It is just so hard for me to get used to someone giving me compliments and stroking my ego instead of the other way around. And he is so very understanding about everythign I have been through and he is willing to be patient with me, I don't have to be anyonje but me with him. I am not in a competition with anyone else for the first time in a long time and it is the most amazing feeling in the world, he makes me feel so good about who and what I am, I don't have to try, its so very easy with him. I think the hardest part is that the exN always told me that I was stupid for believing in fairy tales and that they don't exist but this IS a fairy tale and that scares the hell out of me!!! I find myself pulling away because I feel like it is too good to be true so it probably is. I keep looking for some major flaw that I don't know about. My experience wiht the N has made me so suspicious and has made me doubt mmy own judgement and I hate that. I have known this man for over half my life and I KNOW what kind of person he is but I still find myself second guessing everythign he says and does. I eeven had a nightmare that he was in 'cahoots' with the exN just trying to hurt me and make a fool of me.........its crazy, I know this man would NEVER hurt me in a million years, EVER!!! I just hate the scars the N has left on me and it makes me angry, I don't want to pay or make someone else pay the price for his mistakes and behaviors...........I know I will get there and it just takes time God has answered my prayers in more ways than I ever imagined and it just feels like fate that brought him and I together after all these years.............I will just keep praying and asking God to lead me in the right direction |
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| | | From: Amora52 | Sent: 15/11/2008 8:00 p.m. |
Free, I so missed you too....I kept checking to see if you had posted... And, remember God is great.....he is showing you what a wonderful person you are...and that you deserve so much better than that N.. The reality is you are now the N's LOSS....he will never have anyone that compares to you........ That is what I have had to deal with----all these years mine told me I was ugly, would never find anyone else, should be thankful I am lucky enough to sleep with him every night... And, to see the three he has been with.....Yikes....GAG!!! And, that is not just my thought-----it's everyone that has seen him... but, that is because OW's are far less than us and provide him with the NS----that is what they so need to make their existence tolerable....that smokers jacket thing cracks me up----he's all about attracting attention just like the stbxnh that I'm divorcing.....aren't you really so glad to be away from all that ugly confusion, the abuse?? I know it hurts, but we are so better than being with someone like them... My counselor told me when I finally meet a "nice, normal guy" I will probaly feel uneasy, and not accepting of him......because I'm used to a man that I am trying to hang on to, figure out, please in every way. So with your first love......Free, just let it flow. It's not weird, it's being treated the way you should be----enjoy, take your time...and I am so happy for YOU!!! And, yes...... I'd like your e-mail....is there a way of sharing them privately??? |
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Freebird: It is just human nature what you are feeling. It's a more complex version of this scenario....you are parked in a great spot in a crowded parking lot, you did all you had to do in there, you are ready to go, you in fact have somewhere to go....then you notice everyone wants your parking spot....something insides starts questioning your movements...are you sure you did everything you need to do here? Did you forget something? Ummmmmmmmmm. No! you are done, did your shopping, had dinner, ready to go.......yes, you are ready, you put your car on reverse you put on the radio and off you go. Notagain |
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Not again, that is one of the best analogies I have ever heard! And it is soooo true!!! I am done there and I have pulled away. I know it is normal but I don't want to feel anything for him and for the most part I don't. After my friends called me and told me all about it I actually felt so much better. They told me she is trash, stuck in the 80's, not attractive, very weird, she had a wonderful husband who finally divorced her because he could not take her anymore, I guess she is very odd and also VERY jealous. The N will just eat that up.......maybe a match made in heaven. He LOVES to make women jealous and he is very attractive (until you get to know him), once you see what is on the inside you know that he is UGLY to the bone!! Thanks for that analogy, I will remember it always! Amora, I actually have another seperate email set up for things like this and I will share it on here, that way you don't have to put yours, it is [email protected], feel free to email me anytime, I don't always get to sign on here but I pretty much check that all the time. I know that I deserve so much better, and I know that he will NEVER find someone like me. He even sent me an email last night (probably right before he picked her up) telling me how I was the best woman he ever met and he would never find another like me and would never love someone else like he does me. He said if he finds a woman 1/2 as good as me and loves her 1/2 as much as he will always love me he will 'hold on and NEVER let go', poor, poor woman!!!! He just keeps proviing to me he will NEVER change, he sends me all these crazy texts saying how much he loves and misses me, which of c ourse I ignore\, and then he goes out with another woman.......so messed up. The smokers jacket cracked me up too, they said he looked like a priest! I was laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. And when I drove by there on my way home I seen he had borrowed daddies car to impress her........he is 42yrs old, GROW UP!!! I will get the last laugh because I will find true happiness and he never will!!!! That is all the revenge I will ever need. I see now why NC is sooooo very important. That is killing him worse than anything else I could ever do to him. It is eating him up inside. He has asked me to go to lunch and all kinds of crazy stuff. how we just need closure.......blah, blah, blah. I have not even acknowledged any of them!! He knows it is over and that I have moved on and that is making him want me even more. Oh WELL!!! He had his chance, multip;le chances, and he blew every one of them............time for me to fly.................FREEEEEEBIRD!!!! |
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| | | From: Amora52 | Sent: 16/11/2008 1:21 a.m. |
Freebird, Oh...hey,....... I see you....FLYING!!! You sound so much stronger, you've made up your mind, and YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY!! I'm so happy for you... Funny.....another coincidence.....the OW that stbxnh is now with is very unattractive, have been told she is trash, also stuck in the 80's, and not very intelligent.... I even heard she recently quit a new job because she was being sexually harassed.....hmmmmm, maybe becuz she has no class and wears blouses that exposes her humongous bought boobs down to there!!!! And, he is very attractive, too-----and it amazes me the woman he has taken up with..... I think it's because he can't handle a real classy, responsible, kind, smart woman----too much competition for his little little ego!!! Thanks so much for your e-mail..... I will be making contact w/you...!!!! Take care....remain strong....and concentrate on the new you.......not on the past N....!! |
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Amora, I do feel so much stronger, I am glad it shines through, I have actually never felt stronger or happier in my life!!! I feel like I finally got my life right by getting off the narcotics and God is answering all my prayers. I am finally getting over the exN and moving forward. My first love coming back in my life is like a miracle and a dream come true. He is the most amazing man I have ever met, all these years I thought about him and wondered 'what if', what if I had made a different decision and stayed with him? Now God is giving me the chance to find out. I feel like things are finally coming together for me. I feel like all the pain and suffering and heartache are finally over and God is going to bless me with true love and happiness. I have learned so much over the last 6 1/2yrs and I definetely know what I DON'T want in a man and HE is everythign I could want in a life partner, I honestly believe him and I are meant to be. I have NEVER felt this way in my life. Its so weird, they always say you get what you need/want when you aren't looking for it and he was the last thing I was looking for, I just wanted to be alone and work through everythign the N put me through but WOW, he makes me feel like the most amazing woman on the planet!!!! But the best part is I like ME again!!! I feel good with or without a man! I finally know it wasn't me at all, he is sick and no matter what I did or didnt' do it would NOT have mattered!!! He is who is and he will NOT change.........I feel so freed by that! Yes, please feel free to email me anytime,, I would love to hear from you. so many people have helped me on this board but I just felt a connection with you, like we have so much in common and that we could be great friends! It seems like the exN's were so much alike, I swear I would think we were dating the same person if we lived by one another |
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