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| | From:  HopeYet (Original Message) | Sent: 16/11/2008 8:49 p.m. |
Hello all who can throw some light on this. It is a delicate subject and not easy for me to write about, but I need some answers, please.
When my romance with N started, our lovemaking included intercourse - although, to be blunt, he seemed to have to work at this frantically before he acheived his completion. He preferred his satisfaction delivered hand or oral. One night I asked for penetration. He could not complete this, saying I was too 'big'.
I replied, 'Well (his ex) has had 5 babies, and you said it was ok with her.' I meant no disrepect, merely stating the facts.
He reacted angrily, saying, 'Don't say that about her.' I even got checked out by my gyni when I had my hysterectomy, who assured me, in his words, 'No man should be complaining.' In the last 18 years of our relationship no intercourse has taken place, although he still has a high sex drive.
It's bugging me. Has anyone else come across this? It's a good job this forum is anonymous. I would die of embarrassment! X HY |
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I don't get your post. What is bugging you? Unfulfilled sex life with an N? They demean everyone for everything. Can't expect any better fron an N. |
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Hi HopeYet, you are not alone. I experienced pretty much the same thing, the only difference for me was that x/n didn't make any excuses for it, or blame me in any way. It was just how he was.....high sex drive, yet totally disfunctional mentally and physically. They all are. Diz  |
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Hia hope yet.....
Mine has not wanted to touch me or be with me in any way sexually for the last 8 years......
He constantly blames this on my illness - chronic fatigue syndrome , which by the way is made worse by stress and better by sex and excercise..........
you explain that one??? x x
what im saying is , youre not alone , i think once they have 'got ' you , thats it , no sex......
Saying that i think he still have some sort of sex drive because he makes light of sexual situations on the telly as though hes still interested...
Jox x x |
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| | | From: HopeYet | Sent: 16/11/2008 9:52 p.m. |
Oh no - he DOES still want sex - would do it every night if he could - and more than happy to reciprocate.
He just doesn't 'Do' the act of intercourse. (He has only got a little willie, though . So maybe its him hehehe) |
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Ok, I'm slow Hope. He has sex with himself instead of you? Is that what you're saying? And yes, this is common. Mine was never interested. Also was too sore from all his porn activities. I heard every excuse on why he wasn't interested.........lost his drive, stressed at work, wanted to do different stuff, couldn't get aroused when we were fighting (which was always me starting the fighting btw lol), you name it. Even in those fleeting times in the beginning.......a total bore. Not to be mean, but, I remember thinking wow, that was empty, is that it? I could feel he wasn't there and could never put my finger on why I felt that way until COSA and 12step work for sex addicts. He admitted to sex addiction after I kicked him out twice. How sad I didn't realize that was the least of his problems....... Before I left him, he could have gone years and he did unless I initiated. I guess n was a cerebral n I'm learning. I tried for years to figure out what I was doing wrong. I even got a breast lift/implants and lipo and nothing. I did it for me, but, I was shocked that he could have cared less. I had that surgery in July and left him in September. I will say not once did he ever touch my new "toys" during that whole time in any way. Weird.....and, yes, it was degrading. Babe, they are totally fried in the head. Try to quit figuring the n out. It's a total waste of time. Those seven years were the worst of my life ever... Hugs! |
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Gotta remember the control thing at work. The more we want something, the more they will WITHHOLD it from us. I wanted sex (lovemaking, closeness) from my n, so what did he do? Withhold even more. Started messing around with ow even though he has very full blown ED. Anything but what I wanted. As long as he knows you want it, you will never get it! Makes you think.............. |
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hope - well by the sounds of it , its just all him him him
its all for his benefit........
youre worth more x x x x |
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| | | From: HopeYet | Sent: 16/11/2008 10:57 p.m. |
It's OK - he's had he's last from me.
The marriage is over. Just got to escape now. Anyway - I'm 55 and to be honest I'd rather not bother with at all. X HY |
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Hi Hope Yet, I am going thru exactly the same thing. In fact, now he is making up excuses why he can't sleep with me. It was getting tough in the end even for him to get it up. It would either require hand or mouth as you said. He seemed to get more stimulated when there was a movie about gays. I thought maybe he did have gay tendencies but he would always talk them down so i forget about it. Now I think it is just his anger, he will find something to be angry at me about.always. |
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| Well i put up with many years of fullfilling the Ns sexual needs with me beiing inorgasmic my whole life. He was my first and told me that was rubbish. And that i cant have orgasms cause i slept around to much before him. Anything about sex they have to say is always degrading, they are in it to please them and not for you. Glad i got rid of my N and I am so happy to have gone without sex for 3 years. I am just angry about the herpes he gave me as he didnt believe he ever had it or gave it to me. ANd that i was a lying bitch. All i can say is try to satisy your own sexual desire. NO STDS PLEASE. |
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