NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY

I have met another man but Iam unsure, nervous about him being another one. I don't want to paint him with the same brush but I am really questioning my ability to be able to trust.

I have been with this man for 1 year and he seems okay, but Iam guarded. I don't trust. He respects me, he listens to me, but I wonder if he is able to understand my feeling. Is this a man thing or is this a sign of an N? After 1 year would his mask be off yet? He seems unable to think of me before himself, he seems selfish, could this be a sign of another N or just a selfish man?

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Message 2 of 6 in Discussion

From:

goingnorth2

Sent: 16/11/2008 11:19 p.m.

If he's selfish, Billy, don't get too involved.

If he's old enough to be in a significant personal relationship, but continues to evidence selfish tendencies . . . It's not a good sign.

The primary source of the problem with the xnbf I left is selfishness.

Selfishness is counterproductive to a healthy relationship.

It is not good to be so totally selfless that you mistreat yourself.

On the other hand, if there is a problem with giving to a so-called "loved one," -- there is a huge problem.

Partnerships are giving and taking. If one person does all the giving . . . It won't work.

A person gets fed up with it.

N or not: If his selfishness is something that concerns you, you have two options that I can see.

1. Talk to him and work it out.

2. Bag it.

Good luck with it.

Message 3 of 6 in Discussion

From:

harmony615

Sent: 16/11/2008 11:24 p.m.

Sounds like a man thing to me. However I don't know I am no expert. His true colours will come out sooner or later. Maybe if you talk to him about how you are feeling and if he takes it on board you may find out. I understand your fears as I would be the same with the next man too if there is one. Its still wise to guard your heart as its early days. Take it slow.

Message 4 of 6 in Discussion

From:

femfree

Sent: 16/11/2008 11:33 p.m.

Hi Billy. I have this old quote around somewhere that says ' if you really want to know a man, have lunch with his xwife"

You write...

He seems unable to think of me before himself, he seems selfish,

that's a big red flag.

Protect yourself financially & emotionally.

Message 5 of 6 in Discussion

From:

_flyingfree03_

Sent: 16/11/2008 11:37 p.m.

Well, I'm old, so I don't have time for selfish. It's a no-brainer to me. I'm not settling for "okay" either. But it's up to you.

Message 6 of 6 in Discussion

From:

dolly

Sent: 17/11/2008 12:55 a.m.

billy,

Unless you have lost a child, can you understand the pain of the mother? You can accept her feelings, but you have never walked in her shoes, you can't understand her feelings.

Your man can not possibly understand what you went through with your xN unless he has been with an N also. He can only accept and maybe sympathize with your feelings.

Well, there are selfish and narcissistic people. Your guy can be either or both. It depends if you are willing to live your life with never being the one who comes first. I wouldn't advise that. It can become very soul-killing. Dolly

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