Congrats to GTail who is this weeks Case Study!

 

Here's his story:

Two years before I met my xN, I was living 7 miles
from the gulf of mexico, in a pool home on a golf
course.  Three kids, a professional making great
money, a beautiful wife I met 20 years earlier in high
school immediately after I moved 1,000 away from my
home town, and a great life.

My wife and I became somewhat estranged after the
birth of our third child and it was HER that pulled
away from me.  I tried counseling, church, romantic
weekends away, anything.  Then one day she told me she
wasn't sure if she still loved me anymore.  My world
came crashing down.

I moved into the spare bedroom and continued try. Two
years went by..and I finally came to be strong enough
to say that while I would always love and care for my
wife, and absolutely be committed to my kids, there
was something else out there for me.  Here we go...

December 2000 I emailed my xN out of the blue on a
high school web site.  You know which one it is.  Just
to say 'hello.' I hadn't seen or heard from her in 20
years..we were old 'jr high school'
boyfriend/girlfriend kind of people.  I learned later
after I moved that she had become promiscuious in high
school, dating guys 10+ years older than her
(father/caregiver complex I'm sure) and that she was
wild.  But as adults I felt that we could honestly
connect in just a 'friendly, nice' way.  Two weeks
later she emailed me..one week before Christmas.

We hit it off BIG time.  I noticed she kept her maiden
name and thought she was single; turns out no, she's
married, but that she caught her husband IN THE ACT
with another woman.  She literally walked down the
street to this woman's house and opened the front
door.  Went home and cut his clothes into shreds and
threw them on her front lawn. YES..HER front lawn
since the house was in HER NAME ONLY.  Major red flags
I didn't pick up on.

Friendly emails became sexual, cell phones were
exchanged, pictures on the net.  She's gained a ton of
weight and looks somewhat older than me (she's 3 years
younger) but that's life.  Little did I know (which I
would later learn) her aging had become suddend over
the past few years and the chronic drinking and bar
hopping was catching up to her.  She was 1000 miles
away back in our home town (she always seemed to
gravitate back to the little town (suburb of a big
city) where we both grew up.  Packages at valentines
day and then the news:  She's coming down where I live
for vacation and wants to see me. Wow.  I had NEVER
been unfaitful to my wife, but the love was gone.  The
next month, March 2001, I met her at a hotel on the
beach.

It was a magical night.

No intention of sex, but when I saw her...she smiled,
I smiled, and I pinned her up against the wall in a
deep, passionate kiss.  So many emotions had built up
over four months...wow.  We made love over an
over...and talked on the balcony.  Then making love.
Then talking...then tears. Honest to goodness sadness.

I saw her again the following month and the month
after that. Then the news:  I was being transferred
and guess where?  Yep...to our old hometown.

To cut to the chase:  When I left my wife and children
were NOT coming with me.  We had decided to seperate.
Within three months they did relocate because "your
kids miss you G."  NOT my wife, my kids.

Three months afterwards (January 2002) my XN kicks her
husband out of the house.  THEN the inconsistancies
begin to form:

*Driving to her house for the Super Bowl she calls me
10 mintues from her house (it was an hour drive) to
cancel because 'my girlfriend's coming over.'
*The next month on Valentines Day (our first together)
I get an email stating how excited she was to see me
that night.  Same thing..on the way over, a
cancellation because "i'm moving the x's stuff out of
the house.'  I'm pulling into her drive as I get the
call and her g/f and her g/f's husband ARE there...but
drinking wine.  They leave.  This is the first time
I'm honestly pissed and she knows it..I leave quietly
and turn off my phone for the hour drive home.
*Countless times of her phone being turned off,
unavailable at home (she states she goes to bed at
8pm...no way) and countless inconsistancies.

Fast forward to October of that year.  I get an email,
an EMAIL, stating her and her husband are reconciling.

I was in shock.  It was almost 2 years since we first
met.  Vacations together that summer, dinners, fine
dining, waking up next to each other.  I was living at
home but in the guest room and literally came and went
as I pleased. I was in LOVE...DEEP love, and we were
making life long plans together. She was in her late
30's with no children and wanted children SO BAD.  I
had agreed to get a reversal..for OUR family. Because
I loved her with all my heart.  To break up via
email??  Not even a call??

Told me over and over how her mom, dad, step dad told
her I was the BEST thing to ever happen to her.  That
they had NEVER liked ANYONE she was ever with..I was
the first man they honestly LIKED.  Her dad would see
my car in her drive and u turn just to come over and
say hello to me.  Used to piss her off to a point of
saying:  He likes you better than me.  LOL  Her
sister's loved me, her nieces and nephews called me
uncle.  Now I'm being dumped over an email?

It lasted 2 weeks.

Until her g/f calls begging me to talk to my xN.  I
did.  Like a trusting idiot...I did.  Went to her
house..she was a mess. Crying...missing me.  We made
love..I didn't want to and SO tried, SO talked myself
out of it BEFORE I EVEN GOT THERE but I was too damn
weak.  And I loved her SO much, right??

Three weeks later..my birthday.  A romantic weekend
away...so magical.  Expensive fine dining, hotels, and
nice gifts from her. We went dutch!  LOL  I would've
paid (as usual) but we did split the costs which I
found ODD.  I thought we were a COUPLE...I'll offer I
told her. And if she wanted to buy something, or pay
for drinks/dinner, go ahead.  But I always offered to
pay 100% and thought if was no big deal...we were a
couple.

Part of my birthday?  The remote to her garage. 

:)

We're on our way.  And I begin asking if she wants to
move forward where we left off.  Yes she tells me.
Time is running out and I want a baby with you (me).
I'm SO happy...and at the same time, sad that I begin
formal seperation and divorce proceeding.  My xN? Wont
talk about it.  She owes her husband $X (which I offer
to pay for) but no, she cant take 'my money.'  If
we're going to start a new life together I told her,
we're in this together and let's start a life
together!  I'll help!!

We go on vacations, trips, wonderful weekends together
and become closer.  Her dad brings plans for his dream
house to her house while her and I are cooking out one
evening.  She wants to build this house with ME back
where I moved from.  And to top it all off, she's been
offered a transfer BACK to where I came from.  I tell
her it would be easier on my soon to be ex and my
children should they move back there too (family and
friends) and yes, I could file in that state.  We
could build that home together. We have scheduled
appointments with a urologist for my reversal.  We are
ready!

This was June of last summer.

We were together 2 1/2 years up to this point.  With
easter, communion, birthday parties ALL spent with her
and her family.  I was TRULY a part of the family.
Easter was spent with her, not my own children.  It
was obvious where this was going and her little
nuances?  Just a bad day here and there.  The hanging
up the phone because 'she' done with the
conversation.'  Just her.  Disappearing for a couple
days after she would break plans?  She loves me, there
isn't anyone else.  Right?

The neighbors know me..I shovel the drive, take out
the trash. Neighbors walk by and ask when we're
moving.  Life is great..and I'm in love for the first
time in years...honestly in love.

The next month, we have a WONDERFUL July 4 at her
sisters.  She tells me how happy her sister is and how
lucky the family is that she's finally found
happiness.

The next Monday, I join her with her company at a two
day retreat at a vacation spot.  Her best friend 'at
her work' tells me:  'if you hurt her g, i'll kill
you.  She wants to marry you; how's the divorce
going?'  I tell her friend:  'It's going; but if
anyone's going to break anyone's heart here, it isn't
going to be me.'

How prophetic.

Three days later her old roommate from college dies
unexpectedly.  I go to her home in the middle of the
night and comfort her.  We make love all night..she
tells me that I'm the best lover she's EVER had and
was it bad to want that on the day her friend died.
NO I tell her, I'm here..I'll always be here.  You
called me your soulmate (LOLOLOLOL) and we're a
couple.  You can count on me XN.

I leave the next morning..and get a call that
afternoon saying that she wanted to go to her 20th
high school reunion after all that evening.  I
encourage her to get out of the house and go...have a
good time.  No call that night.  The next day, a call
breaking our dinner plans because "I had a great time
with the girls last night and want to go back
tonight."  Before I can say a word:  "I'm not inviting
you G because it is a girls night out."

Ok

Seems she met a man the first night of the reunion and
took him home. Spent the night.  The next day?  She
paraded him around the neighborhood block party as 'a
rich attorney who is VERY interested in me.'  They
were spotted at a fine dining place that night and he
spent that night with her too.

The next day?  A call from her at the airport as she
was going on vacation for a week. Expressing that she
missed me but would be back in a week.  The following
week, we spoke but rarely..I knew something was up.

The following week it was over.  Was told she met
someone and that he was going to spend the weekend at
her home.  Told me the exact dates.  At this time I
didn't know about the cheating on her reunion, but I
shortly would.

Seems she D&D's the original g/f I wrote about earlier
less than ONE WEEK after she returned from her
vacation.  Inticed a bar buddy to follow this g/f one
night and they found her having dinner with the bar
buddy's ex b/f from five years ago.  In a drunken
stupor accused the g/f of 'breaking the girl code' of
dating a fellow g/f's ex b/f.  LOL  This had nothing
to do with the XN but she took it upon herself to tell
her g/f of five years to pretty much go screw herself.

So the g/f calls me.  And spills the beans on every
single one of my xN's infidelites, lies, betrayals
over the past three years.  What I thought was SO off
the top to invite a stranger into her home she hadn't
seen in 20 years was even MORE over the top when I
learned of the very rules she was creating were the
rules she was betraying.  There were over four
different men (including boyfriends of her
girlfriends) she had been with during the past three
years.  Now a strange man had shared the same bed I
was in less than 24 hours after I had left.  Now he's
spending the weekend????????

Because she states:  he has money (I make over 6
figures...but I'm not of the job status he has); he
has no children (lie, he has three); he is divorced
(lie, he claims he's separated); he went to x school
(lie, he went to a city college).  All these points
were spoken to me to belittle me, to put me in a
position of lesser being...and they were all lies.

So for the next six months...the push/pull.  The
having her cake and eat it too.  She really became a
woman who was an absolute stranger to me.  She would
tell me that I was clipping her wings because I had a
genuinely hard time accepting her going to drink
herself into a drunk stupor five nights a week..and
parading herself in front of other drunk men.  I WAS
THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!!  I was accused of not
trusting HER...and she would hang up the
phone...SAYING: I;M NOT HAVING THIS
CONVERSATION...GOOD BYE.

This, after over 2 1/2 years.  And less than one month
after telling her best friend (who she d&d's):  I"m
going to marry G...you need to learn to accept that."
According to her ex best friend, the x b/f said:  Even
after 2 1/2 years I dont know G that well since you
never let he and I get to know each other.

There is so MUCH MORE...but I'm not sure how much you
want to hear on the first post.  I never saw this
coming. She told me over and over how she loved me,
would always 'have my back,' that I was the 'nicest,
kindest man,' and was the 'best lover EVER' because
'you know me inside and out.'  We became friends
first...confidantes...and fell in love.  My move
seemed like destiny...and our connection seemed so
natural and easygoing...and loving..and real.  She was
SO kind and loving...and SO drunk...and SO evil...and
SO kind and loving.

But the cord was cut quickly.  And without remorse.  I
was in shock.  I lost 20 pounds.  Couldn't sleep,
couldn't eat, or focus.  My best friend, my lover, the
woman I wanted to marry.  How, within days, could she
plan a WEEKEND with another man??????  First the
reason was to date someone, I could handle that.  But
by this time not only was intimacy inevitable, and she
made sure I KNEW THE DATES, but intimacy had already
occured.

I dont mean to ramble.  I have been moving nicely past
this..and this is all flooding back to my mind and my
fingers can't keep up.  I appreciate your thoughts on
this Sam.  Literally, days after he would leave, she
would call and we would connect.  Little did I know
that she wasn't trying to reconcile with me, but that
I was being used as a human sex toy.  And
unfortunately my mind was being used too.  Until I
found this site last November.