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i tried to be friendly these last days for i hate fighting and i want to live in peace. for some crazy thought i thought i could be his friend. but it was still all about him, he still controlled me and demanded my time.then if i did something not with him he punished me with words and pushed my buttons still i would act like him outloud. i guess perhaps we all need to get to our fork in the road or our LINE that can't be crossed, yes i had mind. i tried to be a friend in the end----only to be set up to take the fall for his pain, for i inhaled his pain and he took my joy. i tried to talk with him but he called the cops ....cause he can not face his true reasons for being mad i did something without him. for he felt like he lost his soul when i try to have time for myself...i know know that is unhealthy and it is mere control. i will do NC, not look at his house, not think of him ...i pray for the silent tx now.......please tell me this shall pass. my family is behind me all the way and i will continue therapy about WHY i let him back in instead of HOW to get him out of my heart? everyone here has been great. now i need to hear that i will forgot him and one day i will not even need a physical wall to keep my heart safe.NC is the way but it must be total NC without games and what if's.
also i tried to go to other site but i had a hard time with passwords etc. |
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