I too thought I needed to forgive the XN for what a horrible snake he is, but the truth is he doesn't deserve it. I don't need to be angry, I refuse to carry it with me, but is he forgiven? Absolutely not. I learned that forgiveness is something we do to try and move on, but it's actually overrated. I refuse to forgive because what he did was wrong! I refuse to even pretend for one minute that I forgive him, because I never will, however, I also refuse to be angry. I refuse to carry the pain.
What I did to let go was to make my life good. I accepted what he did was wrong, and at no time will it ever be ok or forgivable. I was always someone who forgave, and do you know what it got me? Sucked back in.
It's easier to move on, once you have accepted they are what they are, and that nothing you could have done would change that. Realize your life is your own and it's all in your control. Let go of the hurt by knowing it wasn't your fault, while telling yourself, it wasn't ok or acceptable, but it's taught you to be a better person.
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