dancing is so right....they do use the children against you...and they will abuse you until you are utterly destroyed.....Haaaa-----and when I put the stbxnh out due to his unfaithfulness he promised he would destroy me......and financially he did, and for a while emotionally he did, and he has lost our house purposely......but the worse is he has, thru hateful lying manipulation, turned one of our children against me.  But, he too has N traits------I love my adult child and pray that understanding and peace will overtake his heart and will help me to break the cycle that his father has carried into him..