As an ultimatum one year, I told my mom if she didn't seek help I wouldn't see her for several years.  She called me back later on to tell me she saw a therapist and they sent her home saying she had no issues and was fine!  Aren't Nparents just peachy?  It's amazing how they can come up with this stuff!

Anyway, in regards to my Nmom. I only recently found the definition of NPD.  I still suspect she is Bipolar due to her manic and depressive cycles but all of her other behaviours fit perfectly with NPD.

I am so thankful I stumbled upon this site and the others out there about NPD. Now I need to work through it and enforce NC for good.

When I went NC, my Nmom booked herself into a mental clinic and was formally diagnosed with NPD.  She has no empathy, no remorse and is borderline pathalogical.  This came as no surprise to me.  It was however freeing to at last have my suspicions confirmed.

 

For my eldest sister it was life-saving.  She was my father's daughter from his first marriage.  Her mother died and she was 2 when my father remarried.  All her life she thought that my mother was the way that she was because of her.

 

Kat

My N mother loves anything psycho. She even tried to get accepted to one training program and become pshychologist when she was about 65 yo, she believed she can be the best ever psychotherapist. Like everything she ever did! It did not go very well and I can only guess why the director of that program became her personal enemy. Also, my N mother went to see a mariage counselor to work her problems out with her husband #4. She said that the counselor said that it is all her husband's problems.

I don't know if anybody have any other experience, but I believe that nobody can help them. First, they are perfect. Second, they hear what they want to hear and not what actually is told!  

 

My nsis has gone to a therapist and of course we have heard that all her problems are because of our mom!

 

 

Such a true statement!

 

I will not talk to her and haven't for over a year now. My mom has finally gotten to the point that she won't talk to her anymore. She is still hurt over what she has done to her, but she is finally getting over it and realizing that she has done nothing to deserve the treatment she has gotten from my nsis.

Oh I forgot to answer the question to this thread....

 

I looked it up on the internet. It was like something clicked oneday and I finally got on the internet and just started putting in keywords of what she does and all kinds of pages came up with narcisism.

 

My mouth dropped at first then it all came together and made sense. I was relieved I figured out what was wrong with her and it has made it easy for me to let her go....NC

 

It has also made my mom feel a little better and she is coming to terms with it and is also NC with her now.

hi redfox and all,

 

my ex b/f (who was an alcoholic) kept mentioning that his father was narcissistic.  I didn't fully understand what this was...one day long after we'd broken up (in fact after I'd lived with my parents again for a brief period, ~3 months), my family was having more of our continual problems.  Me, being the naive one, and hero child at the time - I was the only one they were "not mad at" at this time - or so they told me - booked a counseling appointment with Mom and invited any of my siblings who wanted to to participate.  My sisters miraculously agreed it was a good idea.  We all wanted to get some of our thoughts out. The first session was just my youngest sister, Mom and I.  It went OK.  Second session, Mom invited Dad and my other sister was in town and could go, so she went instead of the other sister, and also convinced my younger brother to go.  This session ended up being a total disaster for me.  Basically, the old scapegoat became re-nominated (yep, me), everyone else walked away happy, my counselor never even saw what hit him, even though my dad Raged at me during the session!  I was livid.  Everyone else seemed satisfied cause Mom & Dad were no longer mad at them, all fingers were pointed back at me.

 

Shortly after this, while still fuming, Dad wrote me an email and I responded with FULL FORCE that I thought he was a Narcissist.  I told him all the ugly things I hated about him, how he was God-like, all knowing, how he treated me like crap, how I didn't even Like him. I remember he responded with:  you're obviously upset and not thinking clearly.  We'll talk when you've calmed down.   I believe my fury actually startled him, he wasn't used to being spoken to this way by anyone, much less me!  Anyway, a little later, while still trembling, I decided to research Narcissm a little more, since I really didn't have a clue what it was, except what my ex had explained to me in drunken tidbits.  Well, I hit the nail on the head, cause my Dad fits at least 5/7 if not all 7/7 of the charcteristics to a T. 

 

A little after that, I emailed my Mom to tell her she was enabling my Dad and that he was abusive.  The truth is, she is just as abusive, she is an abusive inverted-N.  I'm not sure which is worse.  Growing up, I hated my Mom and loved my Dad.  But I now see that his mask of being the "nice guy" made him much more dangerous, more abusive and altogether more damagining to me.  I would never have admitted it a few years ago, but my subconscious hatred of my dad just came bubbling to the surface, finally. 

 

bean

The N in my life is my husband's ex--who simply will not respect the NC rule we instituted many years ago, and just won't GO AWAY!

 

We had no idea what was wrong with her, until I ran into some of her last husband's family members, who told me about the chaos and destruction she caused in their family before finally dumping him for another man.  She wasn't about to leave him before going through all his money, so he was able to get her into therapy. 

 

They told me NPD wasn't just the diagnosis of one therapist, but many, because every time a therapist would tell her SHE was the one with the problem, she would promptly declare they were stupid, incompetent, etc., and insist on seeing someone else. 

 

After our conversation, I went home and looked up NPD on the internet, and gee, suddenly, everything made sense! 

My mother diagnosed herself. Ha! When a a few weeks ago I became very very angry at her she ADMITTED that she craves attention all the time.

 

But then the light bulb went out and she went back on automatic pilot.

I discovered very quickly that my ex (about a week after we got married) was not the man I married.  (I'd recognized a couple of things early on in the relationship that didn't sit right with me but didn't know what to call it - I didn't trust my instincts because back then, I needed to put a label on something - I don't do that now - now, I listen to my instincts and let the personality unfold - and it's scary how the N always follow the same pattern)  A friend turned me on to a book about Verbal Abuse./N - I read everything I could get my hands on - I was shocked and angered that I could have married someone like this - I felt as if I'd been sold a bill of goods and blamed myself .  After my divorce (and my ex was diagnosed as an N), I realized that this same type of behavior existed in my family - both of my parent's exhibited a lot of the characteristics and their actions towards me were consistent with the NPD.  Neither of them were diagnosed in the formal sense but their actions towards me growing up and as an adult were outrageous.   

 

Hope this helps!

Hi Ricci,

 

I don't believe that. That they don't want to see who they are etc. They are smart con artists aka bulshitt meisters that know exactly  what to do when so that they can get their NS and not be punished for it.