All I am reading here is exactly as if I could have written it myself. My hurt will be the same, too. The bubbling up to the surface of things is the same. the bitterness, the BOOM, the N-traumatic stress syndrome, I know exactly what you mean. But as to the how do you get rid of the bitterness you feel towards them, well, again I know what you mean, and I have been struggling with this. 

 

There used to be an elderly couple who lived opposite our house. I later was surprised to learn that their daughter (about 50) lived on next door but one to them (about only 17 feet away), and that they never spoke to eachother at all. I used to wonder what had gone on to cause that (this was years before I had ever heard of NPD, not that it was that. I never found out, nor did I try). I used to think it very, very sad, and even very silly (I was naive). Everytime I walked past the daughter's house (she lived alone) in the evening when it was a bit dark and the light was on, enabelling me to have a glance inside with my peripheral vision (the windows are next to the path, so this is acceptable), I saw her sitting there. She had an aura, a definate body language which exhibited a deep, hard entrenched bitterness and resentment,(stone-faced) and I knew it was something to do with what had gone on. She was, I suspect, so full of bitterness that she had got hold and would NEVER let go and move on. It was, I considered, a monumental battle of wills, a stare-out, a 'you have hurt me and I am never going to let you off the hook, this time you will pay, just see if you don't, just see if I hold you to this until we all meet our dying days'. This was the kind of thing I imagined was going on. The daughter had a hard look of determination which never ever changed.

 

Years later, the old couple died, I moved house, and I am in the same position with my NM. I feel resonances with the daughter in the story. I know I could easily be like her, and I am determined not to be like that. I don't really know what to say to you about dealing with the bitterness. All I do know is that I am not going to be like that daughter. I am not going to fall into that trap. My strategy, at this moment, is to learn as much about this disorder, and the 'games' people play, and have these people out of my life---and by this I mean that I consider there are two worlds for me: 1) The big wide world with everthing and everyone in it, and 2) my world, with only the things and people I want in it ( a nice, happy world). I had to get rid of just about practically everybody in my life at one point. I hadn't been managing my life).

 

Evenso, the bitterness. How do you get rid of it. I still haven't addressed this, and I don't really know that I can. But here's a thing which hit a button in me, like a re-ignition switch, a definate feeling, and I've been boosting along ever since. The bitterness is there but it is becoming only a word and less of a feeling (don't get me wrong, I'll never forget), but the bitterness is changing, and I will not be doomed to sit there like that daughter. So what is it which pressed that re-ignition switch? Well, as absurd as it sounds here, a radio show: Ian Collins' 'The Ultimate Late Show' on talkSPORT radio. It is not about sport. It is a nightitme talk show. I could go into reams about how this show is beneficial. Just try it, when he is on at night doing his own show (1am - 6am, UK time), not covering for someone, and give it plenty of time to get into the vibe. It did something for me, like some kind of definate antidote to all this NPD damage. Hope this helps. All the very best.

So glad to see this post.  I was up all night dealing with this very bitterness.  I hate my nephew from hell!  He is so NC.  He bullies my disabled child,  he has made it hard for me to let my child visit his own grandma.  Because, he lives in the side of her house.   His wife and he have been so arragont and self deserving, abusive.  But, there's always a "reason" they had to do it.    What seems to upset me more is when I become angry back to them and say stuff.   Why do I feel that I don't have a right to be mad as hell at them?   They had been into my storage area at my moms house.  They'd been trying to get her to give them the key for weeks.  Now, someone has been through my stuff.  So, I wrote a scathing note and put it on the door.  Now, why do I feel bad?  They did it.  I said something like Congratulations you are the narcissistic personality JackAss of the year.   And asked them if they could give my stuff back or if I should call the police.   Of course,  they'll deny everything....they never do anything wrong.    I can't stand these idiots.  But, I know that I'm not handling it well.   And it's only makeing me more bitter.

I just discovered this post and, after 43 years of trying to understand, to love, to help, to make excuses for, to build up, to encourage, to empathise and encourage my older sister, to the point of totally eliminating myself from existence...it is such a --- amazing thing to realize that...I am not alone. I read these statements and it sounds like all all the thoughts and feelings that I have...

 

and I have spent my life trying to figure out what was wrong with me. 

God,

Trant me the Serenity To accept the Things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And Widom to know the difference.  Living One day At a time, Enjoying One moment At a time; Accepting Hardship As the pathway To peace.  Amen

 

I have been reflecting on the above prayer lately.  I was my mother's scapegoat.  She made my entire family disown me with her perveted lies.  It is the biggest heartache of my life.  Because of her I am  a Christian.  That is why I am alive and well today.  The best revenge is living well.  I am an empath.  She targeted me because of my gentleness.  She almost destroyed me.   Now I am greatly blessed.  I am strong.  I am loving.  I am kind.  I give God all the glory for molding me. 

 

I have not seen her in 17 years.  Holidays are hard.  The no contact did not start until I had children.  I knew I could not let her poison spread into my own family.

 

I lay everything down at the cross at the start of each day.  It is a constant prayer to maintain my joy and not let the depression (unexpressed anger) and bitterness take hold.  You have to make a conscience decision to maintain your joy and not be destroyed by what the N had done to you.  It is hard not to hate back when we are hated.  You can not allow the negative feelings to take hold of you because it would destroy you.  In dealing with a N I focus on the fact that it is a spiritual battle and not a battle with the flesh. 

 

I hope this helps. 

For me, the ONLY things that work are:

 

1) NC

2) Remembering that "Ns" are, in my opinion, mentally and emotionally and spiritually SICK individuals.

3) Remembering that "what goes around comes around" and that the "Ns" WILL "get theirs"----if not in this world, then the next.  (Yes, I have seen "Ns" "get theirs."  However, because they NEVER see "cause and effect", they just keep on keeping on in their dysfunction.)

 

Warm blessings!

Humm, how to get rid of the bitterness.   After YEARS of bitterness myself (and I still struggle sometimes) the best thing to do is DON'T TAKE THE THOUGHT.    Instead, make the choice to forgive, say it out loud.   I forgive, so-and-so, it's not a feeling, it's a choice.   If you believe in God, all the better, mix in some Faith and bake. 

It will take some time in the oven, baking off all the bitterness, in the meantime work on all those reasons they effect you so much.  What it is you're missing in your life, what you didn't get, what you want, what you wish you were.   These things will build character in you - - -when that happens you'll be in the place you want to be with the emotionally, IN NEUTRAL.